why can't you do what I want you to do
just once, listen to the real me
the crying is frustration
years on end, not being able to speak my mind
it's hell, being stuffed into a round hole
when you're positively square
I can't take it, I want to rage
to throw you, hurt you and hate you
but wait... we had kids together
in the next room
can they hear how crazy their mother is
oh my god, you're going to take them away
aren't you....AREN'T YOU
you think you know everything...
and I know nothing....
these thoughts get me nowhere
put them aside til the kids get older
then leave... and you don't have to tolerate me anymore
I'll be someone else's burden
Someone elses mistake
and you can live your life the way you meant it to be.
without me
3 comments:
Beautiful post, despite the palpable pain in it.
But you know, you don't sound rambling, or crazy to me. You sound like a woman having quite a reasonable reaction to an untenable situation.
*hugs*
hugs from me too. just keeping it together is sometimes a major achievement.
and you are doing that.
sorry to ask a question. do you absolutely have to be living in the same house? is there any other way?
xxx
thanks melba and miz,
to melba, for the moment there is no other way. It's hard to explain, but he wouldn't allow for it. It makes me sound like a doormat I know, but I'm here on his terms, not mine. For it to be any other way, I'd have to instigate divorce proceedings and that would mean splitting the kids (or losing them entirely) which I've made a commitment to avoid. It's tricky and complicated, but for the moment, it's the best we can manage for the kids. He has to stay here too which is not easy for him, because if he were to leave, then it would be pointless for us to stay here.
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