We had to go to KL. Had to. A matter of necessity, otherwise we would have stayed at home. I got up at 7am. It's my job to organise, his job to drive us there. In the car, the kids play and whine, eat breakfast and spill things. Argue, talk and play games. Ex and I do not speak, unless ex brings up something he wants to talk about. I've given up talking to him unless it's absolutely necessary. We both talk to the kids, on and off, so it sounds like we're a family.
But sounds and pictures are deceptive little buggers. The never tell the true story. Our sounds and pictures depict a normal family, but we are far from. We are tense, sad, happy, angry, confused and worst of all, divided. It's me and my son, ex and our daughter. But when ex isn't around or is unavailable, it's definitely the three of us, together.
Back to KL. Despite the drive, we weren't staying overnight, which caught me a little by surprise. And I couldn't just accept the decision without a good reason. Usually we stay overnight at ex's brother's place to catch up and rest. The kids play with their cousins and we have dinner together. It's all nice, or so I thought. But when I asked about why we weren't staying, ex went into stress containment mode. He said that he couldn't tell me because I'd spin it any which way I wanted to, so he's rather not tell me. Thing is, I'm going to make up a hundred different stories in my head anyway, so he's be better off telling me. Yadah, yadah, yadah, we talk for a while and ex says "I need to be able to make some decisions around here too and you have to trust me" Seeing the potential spiral flash in front of my eyes, I quickly reigned in my emotions and said "OK, I'll respect your decision. We won't stay and I won't make a fuss"
In my head, reasons for this decision were knocking around. This is what I came up with
1. Political unrest, possible riots in KL, therefore danger lurking.
2. We're so badly behaved, he can't bear to take us to his brothers' anymore because we're embarrassing.
3. We didn't say a proper thankyou to them for buying us a discounted weekend in Kuantan. How do you say thankyou for nightmare and possibly the worst family holiday ever.
4. We're too messy - we are a bit untidy, but we always clean up after ourselves.
5. They hate me for making ex's life a misery.
6. Ex is pissed off with them because last time we were there, my sis in law was a little frosty and short with us and we didn't feel very welcome at all.
7. They've got better things to do than accomodate us at a days' notice.
Ahh the stories. I wonder which one it was. I'm betting on reason number 2. But then again, it may not be about me. As ex is fond of telling me, "It's not always about you".
But I digress. Three hours later, we're in KL. With xanax tucked away safely in my purse, we proceeded to a shop that provides orthopedic services. My son, again, has a problem with his feet. He has hyper extensive ligaments throughout his whole body and as a result, an ankle that pronates (leans inwards) and a severely collapsed arch. End result, he needs custom made othotics for his shoes.
Now the preparation for this trip had been to contact a particular shop (that provides orthopedic services) to make sure that they could provide what my son needs. I even sent photos via email to one of their experienced staff members so that I could make sure they were the right people to help us. They weren't. There I was, 3 hours from home, being told that my son would require a much stronger support than the one they could provide and that we needed to see a podiatrist instead who would then make an insole from carbon fibre. Podiatrist on a sunday? No way.
Look out, stress coming, breathe, breathe, breathe!
But then things got better - for a while. A few deep breaths later, I said thankyou to the guy for his time and went to another orthopedic services shop, which by chance had opened up since we'd been there last. Ex had found it while I was in the other shop. Normally I'd by in such a state of stress, I wouldn't even consider going in, but I was OK so stopped by and found out that these people not only make carbon fibre, corrective insoles, but can make them there and then and they were cheaper by RM 160 (AUD $50.00). AND, I was able to pick them up a few hours later. Way to go, German technology.
Now the bad news. The RM 220 I'd spent 4 days earlier on good sports shoes and temporary inserts for my son (as per advice from the first shop), was wasted. The shoes weren't good enough. When buying good shoes for children, you need a strong back and the backs of these shoes collapsed slightly when we pressed them together. Not good. I should have waited. I was impatient. I knew we were going to KL on the Sunday, but ex said 'you make the decision (about whether to buy him new shoes then or to wait), and I did. I bought them and they look really good. The temporary inserts seemed to straighten his ankle a little so I thought I'd done well. NO! Ex couldn't keep the "I told you so" look out of his eyes. He said he didn't say anything, I said he didn't have to. It's amazing the communication you can do with just your eyes.
Again, the potential to get really stressed out over having made yet another mistake. When I'm with ex, my mistakes are glaring horrible things that threaten to tear me down to a whimpering mess. But I couldn't go there. Over lunch, willing my voice to be strong and sure, I said, "ex, I was wrong, you were right. I should have waited to buy (son's) shoes, but I was impatient and made a bad decision. I'll pay for his shoes." He acknowledged me with just a look and it was over.
Facing mistakes is one of the things I find hardest and has been a major bone of contention in our relationship. I've even got a book called "Mistakes were made, but not by me" about why humans find it necessary to cover up or minimise their mistakes. Good book and I learned a lot from it.
So, after lunch, we went to the book shop to hang around while the insoles were being made. I LOVE bookshops, especially buying books for the kids. I always let them buy something, I can't help myself. children's literature is my main weakness. Some women buy clothes and /or shoes, I buy books. I love to read myself, but don't get the opportunity much. When I'm earning money, books will be what I spend it on - and a car and a house and a computer and a gym membership so I can take up Pilates again.
At the bookshop, daughter got to participate in a Roald Dahl storytelling workshop, which she really enjoyed. She's enjoyed only 4 of his books, but we will get through them all, one day.
After we'd collected the insoles, I wanted to go shopping at Cold Storage. It's the Safeway of KL and while I hate Safeway, I love Cold Storage. It's upmarket unfortunately, with prices to match. No matter, I'd packed the esky so that I could buy meat to take home (save me buying it from Giant and the local pork man with his dirty old truck). And buy I did. Mince chicken, mince beef, fish fillet, pork fillet and pork mince. The meat display was beautiful. Then, button mushrooms, cherry tomatoes, Australian chat potatoes and 1 bag of ice. I could have bought more, but I was being mindful of the money situation. With my meat packed away safely in the esky, I was a happy shopper, all thoughts of mistakes and wasting money gone.
So off to the next shopping centre to buy son another, better pair of shoes and to have dinner before the long drive home. Now, on the weekends, about 90% of malaysians go shopping - it's what they do. They shop and shop and shop. So parking is an absolute bitch. Really. We were lucky this time though, we only had to drive around for 10 minutes before we spotted someone leaving and snaffled the car space before anyone else could.
Dinner was easy, though I could see ex getting stressed out over son's eating skills. He's a kids for god's sake, leave him alone (I shouted to myself in my head). After that, we shopped for shoes and bought the last pair in the last shop we'd found. RM 189 worth of gorgeous Adidas running shoes, with a strong back and enough room inside for our precious insoles (RM499).
We did it. Insoles, shoes, meat, 2 shopping centres and we were still intact and I was not sprialling, no where near it in fact. AND, I'm very proud to say, I did it all without xanax.
Phew!
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