I feel like it's been ages since I posted anything, but no, it's only been 4 days. I've been averaging about 1 complete meltdown a fortnight. That means I get upset with ex, the emotions run rampant and I end up crying or taking xanax or both. I still always go through the "I hate you I love you" phase and "why is he doing this, can't he just listen to me". I don't say this of course, but it's running though my mind at 100 miles an hour. It usually starts off with something really small, so small, I can't eve remember what it is now and then it just gets bigger from there. Pretty sight it is not. Understandable, maybe.
On the up side, there are many more reasons I have to be smiling these days. The times in between (the meltdowns) are filled with purposeful busy-ness that includes preparing for my english classes and co-ordinating and teaching at the autistic centre. The coordinating part means having to write up the daily program, talk to the people who have access to the money about spending it on useful equipment and supplies, teaching the teachers and then doing the actual teaching and preparing the activities. It's all very, well, busy.
It's so good to feel appreciated and I'm handling the workload OK. 3 jobs, two kids, one house. Enough to keep my mind on the positives in life. Having the work is a big motivation to get over the mood swings quickly. So, at the moment, life is not so bad. We went to KL on the weekend, did a little bit of shopping (and I do mean a little bit). We had son's orthotics adjusted (they were giving him discomfort) and browsed the book shop, which we (me and the kids) love to do. I bought the book A new earth, by Eckhart Tolle - someone Oprah Winfrey has been raving about. We also spent quite a bit of time at the brother-in-laws so the kids could play together with their cousin All up. the weekend went OK. I melted down when I got home though and I can't even remember why. Same shit, different day.
Right now though, I find I'm in the enviable position of deciding whether or not I'd like to go to Italy - it's a tour with 5 other people, two of them my very good friends. It's 10 days, with 2 days stop over in Austria. The only catch is, I have to use my savings from home ($4000) - the savings I've had for about 2 years now in case I came back and needed money. Now I'm not going back, not for the next 3 years. So, do I live for the moment and take the trip (leaving behind 2 unhappy kids who will be well taken care of by their very competent father) or do I save my money and earn some extra money here taking English classes (which is what I'll end up doing if I stay)?
What say you, exclusive little group of people that read this blog? :)))
I wonder what I will decide. I've never had a hankering to visit Italy, which is where most of the trip will take place. That said, Italy has some of Europe's most famous landmarks and I've never seen anything famous - except the great barrier reef (and that was fabulous). But outside of Australia and Malaysia, I'm afraid I'm largely ignorant - maybe I should go just to get the exposure, have the fun times and de-stress a little. I am quite partial to Austria, the hills being alive and all that. I had an Austrian ski instructor once, on my high school ski trip and let me tell you, he was very easy to look at - so nice and tall and blond with blue eyes (sighhhhhhh).
So do I go...or not, maybe I will, but then all that money... ewwww, it's a tricky one. I must decide tonight, lest all the seats be taken. I never like to make decisions like this in a rush. So I'll sleep on it and see what comes into my head tomorrow! Ex is going away for the weekend, so there's no telling what will crop up!
Sweet dreams people!
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