Hiccup

Just when you think things are going smoothly, life throws one at ya! Daughter's had a consistent, but not too severe cough, as recently posted about here. The cough didn't go, so off again to the doctor's for a different opinion.

Fast forward an hour later and we're back at home in the same place, me trying to get her to take the medicine. This time though, I've got a meeting to go to, so I walked away and asked ex to deal with it.

Apparently, things did not go well. I was just about to join my friends for supper (2 hours later) when I got a call from ex, asking me to come back because he needed to go out. This never happens, so I knew all wasn't right.

When I walked in the door, he said that daughter had taken her medicine, but he'd spent two hours fighting with her for it and he's never going to do that again.

My brain went Uh-oh!. And the thoughts started. He's going to blame me, it's all my fault. Somehow, I am responsible for this. Something I've done has made her this way and it's made his life more difficult - like I'd gone in and antagonised him myself. He was angry when he left, so I hope he de-stresses and that he's feeling OK tomorrow.

Reading A new earth has focussed my mind on not reacting emotionally to everything ie, not taking everything personally. I've only ever been successful a few times though and I hope I can stand up to the storm that I think is coming. I hope his anger is just about being upset with himself at not being able to get her to take her medicine. I know how hard it is, I was there not long ago and I felt like such a failure.

I hope daughter didn't give him the "But mummy does this and that..." speech. If she did, I'm expecting his anger will be directed at me. Past memories, baggage and all that.

If he comes to me tomorrow and starts to tell me how I'm responsible for this (you should have taught her better, she should know how to take tablets by now, she feeds off you so if you're scared (I'm not) she'll be scared), I need to be prepared.

So what does this situation need?
I need to be calm and not take it personally. He chooses his reactions.
Remember he is reacting like this because of issues he has with me.
I will not make this about me- his issues, it's about him.
I can say things like OK, I understand how frustrating it is. Yes it would be better if she could take tablets, I'm doing my best to teach her.

This situation does not need me to be right. I don't need to defend myself. I can just stand there and let him vent. I can look back and know I've done my best to teach her, she just hasn't learned yet. I can say that I'm sorry he was left in this situation and we'll try to avoid it in the future - why? because at this stage of his life, he can't handle it very well. Even though I went to the edge and back, I only went there for 30 minutes. He had to endure it for 2 hours. I feel for him, because I know how hard it is.

Be calm and let the situation be, just as it is. Neither good nor bad.