Today my son and daughter went to school. No big deal there, it was a replacement day for a holiday they'll be having in a few months time. Except that today, my son spent 5 hours sitting on the hall floor watching some school videos. Poor kid - sore backside and sore legs and that floor is filthy. Trouble was when he told me about it, I got annoyed with the school and said so and then daughter started crying about it all, saying that now I'll probably want them to go to school in Australia.
This is a legacy of past behaviour when I'd speak without thinking about who was listening, saying what I thought of the schools here and how Australia has a better system. I feel terribly guilty that I wasn't as aware then and I've planted in her mind that if things aren't perfect at school here, then I'm going to pull them out of school.
Now I've got to repair that damage. I reassured her that no, I wouldn't be pulling them out of school and that I was quite happy with their school now and that this is just one thing that's happened. And anyway, I told them, where else in the world would you be able to learn chinese like you are now. No, this is our life here and now and that's what we have to think about.
When I come back, I'll tell my family that we're not allowed to discuss any plans for the future. It just makes the present too hard for the kids. Too hard and they don't need the stress. And I don't either. One of the main reasons I'm able to stay as stable as I am right now (even though it's a little fragile), is because I live in the present - I don't think too much about the future, beyond some vague plan of coming back in 2 - 3 years time. But I focus on the present, the kids I teach, the meals I cook, the things we do together, because that is really all we have. That's all any of us ever have. The past is gone, can't change that. No-one can predict the future - look at Michael Jackson (RIP) - who knew? - so we need to live in the now.
In other matters, we've just had parent-teacher day. The kids did quite well in their reports. Mostly A's and B's and a couple of C's for both of them. According to his teacher, my son's behaviour is excellent. I'm glad he know's his limits there, but I also know that he knows the approximate length of each teachers cane and which teachers use it and which ones don't and I know that is contributing to his good behaviour. Otherwise, they are happy and settled in school and really, I wouldn't dream of pulling them out.
2 comments:
I have to say, Jo, that you are very willing and quick to assume all the responsibility for your daughter's reaction.
I want to remind you of the possibility that she might have had her head filled with a lot of damning stuff when you went last time. And it might be THAT she is reacting to, not the actual act of you going.
It's just a thought. Try to keep some perspective. I know it's hard when you are in the middle of the vortex. That's what we're here for maybe. To point stuff out and help you keep balance.
Fabulous storm here at the moment, sun shower, wind, wow.
Hugs
Melba x
It just seems logical that she'd get her vibes from me, given the things tha I've done in the past and the amount of time we spend together. However, I hadn't actually considered your point. Somehow, I don't think he'd do it. It just doesn't seem like him, especially given that he's so conscious about me doing it (filling her head with stuff she can't handle). But I do take your point and I can never really know for sure what went on then. Thanks Melba. Hope you enjoyed the storm.
hugs back.
Post a Comment