It's already the 4th - woo-hoo. We started the month with a day trip to KL, something we can now do with our hands tied behinds our respective backs. I slept in though due to my not setting my alarm properly. Ex didn't blink and took it all in his stride, as he's apt to do nowadays. Live in the present, there's no point getting angry at these things and ruining the whole day is his way of living now. It's such a change from the past, when everything was so tense and awful and every mistake would lead to a silent, fuming pool of anger.
It was good day, spent shopping at 1 Utama and then visiting family. We window shopped, ate, shopped, ate some more and then shopped separately and the kids took part in a little competition on the centre stage after ex encouraged them to participate. They had to do a puzzle in a minute and a half using big block type pieces. By the time the guy had started the clock and turned back around, my kids had finished the puzzle. The other kids were still milling around trying to fit the pieces together. They were so thrilled and walked away with a little prize tucked under their arms. By 4.30, we'd all had enough so proceeded to my in-laws who consist of ex's older brother, his wife and their two boys who are 5 and 2. We spent the afternoon there relaxing and then Aunty YC (the lady who hosted us for our week long holiday) took us all our for dinner at a popular restaurant which specialises in crab. Yummmo. The crab was great and my crab-eating skills are getting better. I managed to keep my newly-acquired, soft-pink shirt clean. Crab is so hard to eat isn't it? All that cracking of shells which can only be done efficiently with your bare hands - I did try first with my fork and spoon, to no avail and had even less success stabbing at it with chopsticks, so I picked it up and used my fingers - but only after I'd checked that someone else at the table was also using their hands. My sister in law managed to successfully use her fork and spoon which is something I'll aspire to the next time I'm fortunate to be eating fresh crab. All this talk of crab reminds me of the best crab meal I ever had - I'm not sure how the restaurant prepared it (steamed or boiled) but there was no sauce - only freshly cooked crab, cut up into pieces, piled high and set in the middle of the table. We had a plate each (about 7 of us) and a hammer - that was it and you took a piece, cracked it with the hammer and ate your fill. It was fresh and bloody fantastic.
Anyway, back to KL, we left the in-laws in peace at about 10pm and by 1am we were home, as per our usual routine, the kids having fallen asleep in the car.
Things are cordial and pleasant. I do my absolute best not to think about the past or the future because neither can serve any purpose right now. It doesn't always work, but for the most part, I can do it. Live in the now, it's the only way to go. If I slip up, well we all know where I slip to, so I try not to.
Life is normal, kids are loving and hating school in equal portions. Loving the friends and teachers, hating the homework. Daughter was up till 11 today finishing her homework. Exams are coming up so there'll be some heavy homework days to come.
Birthdays are coming up too. I want to buy them some rollerblades and teach them to well, blade I guess. When I was a kid I was quite adept at skating and skateboarding - well, nowhere near what they do now with skateboards, but I could stand on the thing and move around. Our house is surrounded by concrete, so I figure they can get some extra exercise rolling around the house and it will be fun for them. I'd love to get them a trampoline but with the concrete yard I don't think it's a good idea.
Anyway, that was yesterday's entry which I didn't get to finish - good thing, it's just drivel.
Today though, right now is a different story. There's a spiral sitting in my gut, waiting to launch itself into my life so that I can have some drama to feed on. My ego wants it and strange as it sounds, my body craves to feel all that will come with it. The trigger was ex saying one of his stupid 'have to analyse it in the moment' lines, specifically "oh, OK, I was trying to say something and now you're saying something else' in a tone that just pushes all the wrong buttons - that tone that clearly tells me he thinks I'm an idiot. When that tone enters our conversations, I just have to walk away and be away from him because I'll want to tell him about it and THAT will go nowhere but down hill. I wonder if I take a xanax now, whether it will disappear. Let me try and I'll get back to you.
No comments:
Post a Comment