Home

I'm home. It's comfortable and cold - damn cold and I love it.

At home the first day, it was all coffee, tea, ham and bread. Bacon and eggs for the kids breakfast. Mum's been busy, the fridge is chock full of favourite foods. There's chocolate, dried apricots, cookies, biscuits and a whole lot of other stuff. Umpteen varieties of chees. Bread and more bread. Really, the food is too much. If I get any fatter, I'll need to buy yet more clothes in a different, bigger size.

Fast forward 4 days. It's Thursday now. The weather is wet, humid and warm and still nice. I've been to the docs for a checkup and she was pleased with both my blood pressure and mental health. My blood pressure has dropped from 130 over 83 to 115 over 70 - I've been here three days!! I've been walking nearly everyday since we got here. Walk to the park, walk the dog... it's nice to walk and not sweat a litre of fluid out.

Being home is a little different this year. Mum, although she's recovered from her serious health crisis this year, is not the same and dad is tired. My eldest niece is living with them now and it's not working out the way she thought it would. She is unhappy and I feel for her. I can see in her, my own unhappiness from so long ago and all the behaviours that go along with it. Her mum has told her that she should talk to me, that I could help her. I hope that if she chooses to, that I can, but seriously, I think that we are the cause of some of her stress which doesn't make me the best person to talk to.

I need to make some time to go see my brother and his kids. We are not close, so it could happen that we go the whole month without seeing them. That would be sad because my kids want to see their kids. He's had his own issues to deal with too. It seems that everyone has a lot of emotional stuff on their plate this year.

For myself, even though I've been here for a few days, I haven't really been feeling that social. I feel bad for feeling that way, but things don't seem as cheery as they did last year. Everyone is tired, walking on egg shells or otherwise bothered or sick.

But no matter. I am home and even though I feel a little out of place and a little in the way, I'm OK. Conversations between myself and my parents are stuck on "when you get back...". My thoughts are also in that space, making it difficult to just relax and enjoy being home. We'll settle in though.

We're enjoying the weather and the food and the window shopping. After last year's budget blowout holiday, I'm trying not to spend too much. I've done most of the Christmas shopping in Malaysia, so only a little bit to go.

Cheers