Baby Steps

Every day since I've been back, I've looked for the opportunity to SAY SOMETHING and the time hasn't been right at all, until tonight. Ex is the kind of person that needs to plan. He needs a heads up, some notice so that he can prepare. So tonight I took the first baby step in a series of what I think will be many little steps.

I've been looking at this thing the wrong way. It's a big issue, this whole going back to Melbourne thing and I was thinking that I would have to talk about it all at once. Not so. I need to break the task down so that it's not as overwhelming for both of us. So tonight, seeing him in a good mood, prompted me to ask the first little question - I said "... and there's one other thing, we need to talk about some issues and do some planning for this year and I'd like to know when would be a good time for you to talk. There are a lot of issues to be covered so is it possible for you to give me a time when it would be good for you - because I don't want it to interrupt your work..."

He came back with "OK, but if there's lots of things to talk about then tonight is not good... "

Me: "No, I'm not asking for tonight, just want to give you a heads up and see if there's a time that is better for you than other times..."

Him: "Well, I know you want to get everything sorted all at once, but I can't see any further than two or three months ahead..."

Me: "Ok, just a time..."

Him: " Ahhhh.... look it will have to be in the morning when they go to school or at night after they've gone to sleep... but this week, we can start this week"

Me: "Fine, whatever suits you"

Him: "You let me know whether the morning or night is better for you"

So, one time this week, we will begin our talks. There are some rules I want followed. First, we don't assume what the other is thinking. Second, if we begin to get emotional, we're allowed to walk away to regroup. Third, we remain open, honest and keep it civil, allowing for opinions. Most importantly, we both act in the best interests of the children.

Baby steps, one thing at a time. There's no rush. Need to keep myself composed and not think of winning or losing, but think of what is best for the kids and why.

Also need to log progress here, lest we forget what we've said. I will also take notes because both we're both getting forgetful.

And remember, breath. You can do this.