The question is when. He's said I can choose. Next week, end of the school term? I feel like the kids should finish the school year out, otherwise they might feel snatched away. However, I don't know if ex and I can tough it out for as long as that. If not, we'll be leaving next week, during the school holidays. It seems too soon. How do I tell him that I need him to help me choose a date because I need to know if he can stand me for one more school term.
I don't know what to do. Ex said he will talk to me tonight. We will tell the kids tomorrow.
I'm unnerved and I still feel like shit. My ego is wallowing in the drama of it all. I need to step back and take a breath. I don't trust him, maybe he will renege.
Tonight. I need to prepare for tonight. I don't know what to say, I don't know what he will say. I'm probably making up the drama. My mind is numb.
This morning, when we talked about the misunderstanding, he wasn't mean or angry or nasty. Just neutral. He sounded almost casual but when he responded to my version of what happened last night, I could hear his anger, tucked in behind his civil voice. I may have dreamt it all.
I wish I was dreaming. Now our worlds are turned upside down. I can feel myself spinning. This will need to pass soon because soon I have to get lunch, teach somebody, pick up another child and then organise homework and dinner.
Breathe.
7 comments:
Do not feel like shit.
This is the reality, you must face it and he asked you to go WITH the kids.
What more can you expect from a real separation?
Now is a good time to return Jo!
Can you save the real explanation for when the kids are older?
Can you get agreement on how it will be told to the kids?
Can you be happy and pleasant around the kids and even perhaps matter of fact and not spilling out ALL your emotions. That can come later when you are back here.
Could an opening gambit be “Dad has agreed that it is better for you to return to Australia etc” be a good way to start with the kids?
I still believe that you should NOT let Ex monopolise how the discussion goes with the kids IF you are not happy with what he says in front of the kids without getting emotional.
Come home and feel like shit later.
Come home and have a life later.
Buy the tickets and come home to the support of your family.
On behalf of all I wish you well.
Jo I can understand how you feel. I also don't trust him, I worry that there is something else going on. Am I being silly? If you honestly feel that it is really him just reacting to whatever was the last straw, now is the time to let go of your feelings for him/about not wanting to upset him. As Mr S says, worry about all that later, AS LONG AS YOU ARE 100% SURE you and the kids can leave safely, all together.
Even if you have to lie to him, even if he reneges and says something like: I need to think about this. You could say to him: I need to think about it as well, but let me take the kids and go home to think about it.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
Let me know if you need help for money or anything.
PS Go next week as long as it is safe. The sooner the better Jo, and even if you have to lie like I said, about something. You can hold off the kids by saying you will explain once you are in Melbourne. I wouldn't get into it all there now. Something has changed.
Jo I agree with MG that it is likely there is something else happening.
For you though this is THE END in one way yet the START of a NEW LIFE in another.
It is NOT all your fault or your failure and I hope you understand that!
I also suspect that “almost completely Ex” has an agenda somehow, somewhere, someway and it is just timely for him to suggest this option!
Talk and discuss all you like it is unlikely that “almost completely Ex” will disclose his agenda and that he will use YOU, your PERSONALITY and / or ANY OTHER reason as the excuse he cannot cope.
Yep, he will say it is all your fault, that you never understood, you never helped, you were never rational, you were unable to understand .......did I forget anything?
In the nicest, safest possible way Jo just accept this is your time, prepare the kids and leave.
Once you are here and your lives are sorted you can explain to the children.
Do not forget that it is almost your agreement that come this Xmas you and the kids etc etc.
MG Why are you concerned about it being safe?
Should Jo be concerned?
I'm concerned about the custody laws in Malaysia and that he could twist things or set things up to look like Jo is running away without his permission.
I've read a lot of books and I admit my imagination is fertile, but that's what is in my mind.
To be honest, we don't know how stable he is, but this is from me very far away. Jo knows whether this is possible/likely.
I'm safe. We're ok. He is acting a little strange but don't think that there is anything untoward happening. He just gsve me a handful of cash (rm1000) and is being civil. He doesn't seem angry.
The kids haven't picked up on it yet. I've been bale to get my head back together thanks to you guys and my frineds here. If i need it, my mum will send me some money.
Thanks so much for your support. I will keep you posted.
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