And... we're back.

Gee, that two weeks flew by. Quicker than I ever thought possible. We did most of what we'd planned, caught up with all the people we wanted too (well missed a few). We played, we ate and ate and ate and played some more. Dinner with friends, good steak and wine, coffee by the heater, smoked trout and dark chocolate with Dad (not all at the same time) talking about life and such things.

Kids getting to know all their cousins all over again. Chloe and Rachel, you've come such a long way, even since last year. Dinner with you two at McDonalds was funny, interesting and relaxing. We talked about boys, school and other normal things and I enjoyed your company. Last year, we did the same thing and both of you didn't speak at all - I ordered, we ate, we left. Done! This year both of you were animated, funny, smiling, talking, smart and Rachel, the defining moment for me was when you said "So, someone choose a topic to talk about!" A little comment that stands for huge progress. I know your mum and dad are proud of both of you. **


My daughter's comment "Mummy, I feel so much better here" Why? "Because I can understand everything" makes me want to stay and give them their education in Australia. Her dream where she woke up crying after dreaming of her father lets me know I've made the right decision to go back to Malaysia.

While I was away, I read the book "since I was a princess", depicting the fight a journalist/writer mum had when her two children were stolen from her by her ex-husband, a prince in Malaysia. Very inspiring. If she can survive 14 years without her children, I can do this (staying in Malaysia so the children can be together with their father) for mine. Not that my story is in any way similar to hers. I'm not abused, the children love their father and he adores them too. It's just about appreciating that my situation is a lot better than some peoples. I'm with my children and that's what matters.

Coming back, I'm feeling a bit lost. I think I was expecting things to get better between me and almost ex, which was stupid of me, because I tell myself everyday, don't expect anything to change. If I do that, I'm OK, if I don't, it's easy to get disappointed and then dwell on it. Not a good thing. But I feel I need to connect with him in some way but if I just go and talk to him the usual way, the usual thing will happen (fight, tension) which is a place I just cannot go, knowing how destructive that can be for both of us. I wish there was something new we could connect over, but I have no idea what that might be. Anyway, that's a whole other blog entry isn't it?





** My nieces, Chloe (15) and Rachel (13), were both diagnosed with autism when they were very young. Chloe attends the local special school and is doing VCAL (modified) and Rachel attends a local secondary school. She's more on the Asperger's spectrum. Very smart, but socially needs some help in that she doesn't handle the unexpected well.