The end of another day

It is indeed that...the end of another day. It was a shitty one. Daughter's homework completed only at the last panicky minute after my positive encouragement ran out and ended in a cranky rant about how she's not listening to me. Then found out that one of my students won't be coming to see me anymore. I'm glad they left it til the last minute to tell me. Then went in to speak with almost ex because I was heading into a spiral. I could tell he was avoiding me, thinking I'm a stupid messed up lunatic who he has to tolerate because of the kids. True? No, but that's the kind of thing that runs rampant in my head (I do feel sorry for almost ex sometimes). But, he could be nicer to me and that also makes my head spin - that he does speak to me like I don't matter. I so loath myself when I'm thinking like this, yet even being aware of it doesn't make it any better.

So 2pm comes around and it's time for after school care for my son, who talks incessantly about Tom and Jerry cartoons and the Wiggles. I have to tell him to stop talking so I can clear my head. That goes OK, my remaining student comes in and at 5 pm I offer to drive him home because I think his parents have forgotten he's here (It happens, doncha know). So drive him home, pick up son, get groceries to cook pasta for dinner and pick up daughter.

By this time, I think I'm getting on top of the spiral when I start thinking about asking almost ex to come home early from golf, because I don't think I can handle the kids at home without hitting the roof. I decide against it and soldier on, making a very ordinary pasta and bolognase sauce. I'd forgotten to buy garlic and tomato paste, so it's very watered down. That done, we start to eat and the sauce tastes like it's got little bones in it. A closer inspection shows that yes, their are lots of little bits of softish bone in our meat, making our pasta almost inedible. I eat only a small bit and the kids eat around it. Poor kids.

After dinner, I consider cleaning the pigsty in the kitchen sink when a phonecall comes through. It's the in-laws, they are going to drop by. So much for an early night. I could have said no, but we haven't seen them since we got back and I have presents in my room for them. The kids like the presents, we drink coffee and eat the dark chocolate I brought over from Australia - thank god I had that, because there was nothing in the cupboards. A nice visit though, I'm glad they dropped by, because in my spiral state, I sometimes think they don't like me at all and that makes me feel terrible because I know my kids are missing out. Do they hate me? No, I don't really think so, they just get busy with their own life.

So on that more positive note, I shall wish for a better day tomorrow.