Christmas Connections

Christmas seemed empty this year, though there were presents and people, dinner and more presents. I was thinking about it, what really makes Christmas what it is. We all know it's the people, and the connections we have with them, even if the people are not family. In between all the shopping and Christmas hype (uggh, the commercialism of it all), I think a lot of that connection is lost. But being away from it all (no Christmas rush here), it's given me a chance to see Christmas for what it really should be and for what I have to make of it.

Last night we had ex's family over. There was dinner, a strange mix of pineapple chicken, salad and roast potatoes, with assam fish (fish with chilli), sambal vegetables (vegetable with a tasty chilli paste), egg omelette with vegetables, fried chicken fillets and rice. The reason for this strange combination of dishes was that at about midday, ex's mother rang to say we should come for dinner. Then she remembered it was Christmas eve and that I'd be cooking. Still she wanted all of us (ex's brother's family too) to have dinner together, so said they'd come over and she would cook a few things. Her things were the Chinese dishes and mine were the western ones, as per my children's request.

Selfish me, I didn't want to have them over for dinner, because I don't cook well for a crowd, even a small one . And they don't like my cooking (or so ex has told me), so I don't invite them to eat here. And I don't have the right set-up. I use my small, stuffy dining room as my laundry because it's the only place the washing machine can go, so it's usually full of laundry crap, which has nowhere else to go. When we eat dinner, we eat at the coffee table, the kids on small chairs and me on the sofa. Before and after my long stay back home, ex rarely ate with us anyway, preferring the company of his computer in his room. So, the coffee table in the lounge room in front of the tv, it is. I know parenting experts abhor this way of eating, saying families must eat and talk together, but I just can't force us to eat in this horrible little room which is full of cupboards and laundry things. It's like eating in a closet.

So back to Christmas. Dinner done, we handed out presents - there were quite a few, especially given that the in-laws don't really celebrate it. No matter, the kids had fun and then we sat down and had coffee and biscuits which I'd made, chocolates and other nice things. At this time ex was getting ready for work, the in-laws were talking amongst themselves (in chinese) and I was, well, just sitting there. I tried to talk with them, made an effort to interject in the conversation, but somehow didn't have the energy (or wasn't interesting enough) to really get into it.

Coupled with the fact that they ate their food (though they did like the salad) and me and the kids ate mine, it was like being in a room full of people who aren't looking at each other. Their was no connection, none - or very little. And that's what I miss about Christmas at home. Being with people who genuinely care about you and enjoy your company, who take the time to give you a gift that means something - like Melba's e-gift to me. There was more meaning in that thought of giving, than there was in the box of fragrance my sis-in-law gave me (I don't use perfume). That's what's missing.

I'm not trying to put my in-laws down, it's not their fault. They have their own lives and they did make an effort by turning up to a celebration that literally means nothing to them. And I was/am grateful that they took the time to do that, because it's important to the kids. I'm just observing the why's and wherefore's of Christmas here.

The best part of Christmas for me was this morning, watching the kids open and play with the presents I'd got them. Just the three of us. Wow, ooh, ahhh, thanks mum etc. And of course, the cuddles from them in bed this morning. So even though I'm here, I wouldn't be anywhere else, because this is where the kids are. This is where we are for now so we'll keep on making the most of it.