Big week

It's the last week of the school term and it's been a big one - and it's only Thursday and somehow, in between all the teaching and housework I'm doing, I still managed a meltdown - medium intensity but had to take xanax all the same. So to answer my mother in laws question (what, what's keeping you so busy?), I'll take this time to reflect on my schedule.

Monday: Wake up at 9 (I know that sounds late, but I don't get to bed til 1 or 2 am), kids tutor comes for 2 hours (10 til 12), do housework, 11.30 prepare lunch, send kids to school, go to autistic centre for at least 2 hours, 3pm. come home, rest a bit, make dinner, 6pm pick up kids, dinner, English centre from 6.30 - 9, come home and coach my own kids doing homework til 11 and then get them to bed. Try to wind down and go to sleep.

Tuesday: Sleep til 10 (no tutor today). Up, breakfast and do housework, prepare lunch and bags and shit for school, get kids ready, send them to school at 12.30, go autistic centre til 2.30, come home, shower, student arrives at 3.30 and 4.30 (two of them), finish with them at 5.30, start dinner, pick up kids, finish cooking dinner, serve dinner, go English centre at 7.15, finish there at 9, come home and coach kids homeowork til 11. Wind down and bed.

Wednesday: Up by 9, tutor coming at 10 - 12, housework and prepare school shit. Ex drops kids at school and I have lunch and rest til 2.30. Student comes at 2.30, another arrives at 3.30, I finish with them at 5.30. Relax and cook dinner. No english centre. Coach kids homework, kids in bed by 10.30.

Thursday: Morning as usual. Ex sends kids to school, no autistic centre, so can do housework til 2-ish (or watch tv and eat lunch). Student comes at 2.30, another arrives at 4.30. I'm finished by 5.30. Shower. Don't cook today - ex takes them out for dinner. At english centre by 6.10 for fill in class, teach my own class at 7.30 (til 9 or so), then home. Do kids homework and endeavour to get them to sleep by 11.30.

Friday: Morning bullshit. Send kids to school. Go autistic centre for a few hours. Come home, shower and prepare lessons for english class tonight and my new english class at home on Sat, mornings. Cook something for dinner. English centre at 7.30, finish there at 10.30. Go for supper if not too tired with friends and the kids.

Saturday morning. Up at 8, shower and tidy up. Eat something. Kids for new english class arrive by 9. 3 hours of englishy goodness and fun. Kids go, my own kids go off for a piano lesson and I go grocery shopping. Pick them up at 2 and take them for lunch. Go home. Relax.

Sunday: Relax... or go to Malacca for meat shopping.

Phew! The fill in classes are only temporary, which I'm glad for. I don't mind being busy as long as I'm organised, which I usually am these days. That wasn't always the case though, but that's another blog.

Next week is school holidays and I'm going to this health farm thing with friends. 3 nights, 4 days. My friends almost cancelled on me because they got a notice about going to some compulsory education department workshop thing and then also remembered that their daughter is leaving for her National Service duty on the day we were due to get back. Come on, people, get organised! I was disappointed when they cancelled, but after talking to them, they've decided that they can still go, we just have to come back a night earlier. That's OK with me. I just didn't want to lose my RM 500 deposit that I'd handed to them a day earlier.

I had a minor meltdown yesterday. Ex had left the car with an empty petrol tank after taking it out twice and I got really shitty and it spiralled down from there. I roped everything in - fucking moron drivers, park every-fucking-where, never consider other people, stupid disorganised husband of my best friend can't get his act together and has to cancel our holiday, why can't he just give her some independence and why can't she just take it, fucking ex and his secretive bullshit that drives me crazy (ie he shuts off his monitor whenever I walk into the room so I don't see what he's doing - he's either playing cards or reading forums about god-knows-what - like I should never see or know what he's up to) and to top it all off, I'd asked my son to help me in with the shopping and I was locking the car and could hear him saying over and over again, Mummy is a loser, mummy is a loser. Now, I'm pretty tough when it comes to hearing things like that coz, kids'll say those things, but for me yesterday, it really was the last straw. And of course, above all, I just wanted to go home. I reminded myself that the urge would pass. Morning came and it had, as always.

It was a good thing the meltdown happened on a Wednesday (I don't have night classes) because the xanax I took around 6.30 knocked me flat. The important thing was though, it stopped the spiral. When ex came into the kitchen and saw something was wrong, I broke down a bit and told him I had to take xanax. Then he got all gentle and nice and said never mind, we just have to do what we have to do and if xanax helps, then that's good. I love it/hate it when he's so nice to me. Makes the situation more difficult because it starts off that "wouldn't it be nice if we were back together" bullshit that goes around in my brain sometimes. But don't worry dear family, he's back to his usual self tonight, saying I really need to teach my son to undo his school shoe laces much faster!!! - so that's straightened out my thinking for me.

So it's time for bed. I've had enough thinking for now. Have a nice weekend.