Hao Wei

Hao Wei is a young student who has been coming to me for private tuition for about a year. When he first turned up he could utter one sentence in English (this is a mosquito) and understand simple instructions in Chinese. His behaviour was a little hyper and he basically existed within his own little world, talking to himself while he played his own imaginary games. There was little eye-contact and even less acknowledgement of the people around him. I was certain he was autistic, though a psychologist from the Autistic society here has since deemed him to be 'not autistic'. He had no behavioural boundaries when I met him, touching every toy that caught his eye which was most of them that I had in my little 'special ed' collection. When he left, the room looked like a bomb had hit it. On the positive side, his mother recognised that he seemed to prefer learning in English - he could rote count to 5 and say "this is a mosquito" and I could see some learning potential.

I took him on to see what I could do for him. It's what I do, working with children who have disabilities and learning difficulties. It's what I've wanted to do since I was fifteen. I love the job, though these days, I think I'm getting a little burnt out because my patience isn't what it used to be.

He's been with me for about a year now and his behaviour has improved immensely. He no longer just wants to play. He knows he has to work - reading, writing and counting. He usually looks up when I call his name and will sit at a table and complete written activities such as tracing his name, letters and numbers, simple mazes and dot to dot puzzles. He can consistently count to twenty in English, but not Chinese. He can complete 4 - 5 piece puzzles and knows his shapes and colours. He knows all the letters of the alphabet (big and small) and can put the letters of his name in order. He can almost write his full name independently (still has a little trouble with 'e'). These are all things he couldn't do before so he's come a long way.

But not far enough. Trouble is, his mother wants / needs him to start Grade one next year at the same school as his brother. He's not going to make it. I've got less than a year to teach him all he needs to know and I know he's not going to be able to do it - it took 3 or 4 months for him to learn to write his name - and that was with him tracing and writing his name over and over again each session. I'd like to stay positive and think that I shouldn't impose limits on this child, but I have to be realistic too.

When the psychologist from the autism society declared him to be not autistic, his mother was happy and relieved. She thought that he was just going to catch up and there'd be no more problems. Her favourite question to me is "Hao Wei OK already?" meaning she's asking me whether he's OK now or not. He's not OK, not for Grade one anyway. She asks this question everytime he advances a small step, probably hoping that now he can write his name, he'll be able to learn the rest of what he needs to know.

Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. The kid's going to have a learning problem for the rest of his life. But how do I tell her that? I've repeatedly said that there are still problems to be solved, that he has perceptual and spatial problems that limit his ability when learning to write, but I haven't told her that it's lifelong. I keep wishing for a miracle for him, trying to blame myself for his not advancing far enough. Last week, I tried to convince myself that it was a language barrier (he does speak chinese at home after all), so I went to his Kinder and spoke to his teacher. His teacher told me he's got a lot of problems, they just accomodate him. Turns out, he actually learns better in English than he does in Mandarin. He knows more words in English than he does in any of the other languages that he's learning (chinese and malay).

I can sense his mother's desparation for him to be normal - every session she's asks if he's learnt his name and done his counting and every time she will tell me of something that he's achieved. "Hao Wei can write name already, he OK already, can write 'e'" was what she told me last session - like writing the letter e has suddenly proven to her that he's as normal as the next kid. I'm not judging her - I know where she's coming from. She just wants him to seem normal for as long as possible, putting off that day where she will have to face the truth about her son's abilities and it will rip her heart out as all the dreams and expectations she has for him, go sailing out the door. She's just putting off the pain, like we all do.

I've seen her cry, when I told her that yes, I thought he was autistic. She didn't want it to be and was so happy when the psychologist told her otherwise. He'd been misdiagnosed 1 year earlier by an 'education therapist' in Malacca who holds no qualifications to diagnose these kids. I still think he's autistic because of how little he cares for the world in which he lives but I don't tell her that - I'm not qualified to diagnose either so I don't go against an official diagnosis.

So, what am I going to do? When I found out that he's at the same ability level in Chinese as he is in English, I felt a switch go on in my head. I know what I have to do. I'm going to do my damndest to teach this boy to read and write and do maths in English. I don't think the language barrier is the problem. His own teachers haven't been able to teach him his own language, yet in English, he can identify the alphabet, numbers, colors, shapes and his own name. He can also rote spell a few words - "w-a-t-c-h watch". He's teachable and that's all I need to work with.

However, he probably won't be able to go to grade one next year and I'm going to have to be the bearer of bad news and let his mum know. My feeling is that she already does but doesn't want to admit it and I don't blame her for it. She just wants the best for her son. It's always hard to accept our children are flawed, but in the Western world, we have help - reosurces, information, special schools and vocational programs for kids that can't do it on their own. Here there is virtually nothing, so of course she is clinging to every smidgen of hope there is, that her little boy is "OK already".


The irony is, if he was autistic, he'd be able to attend the autistic centre where he'd have access to an education that suits his abilities and that would help him reach his potential. As it is, he has little or no choices. If he goes to school, they are going to reject him because he's not up to standard and he won't be able to keep up. His mother will be forced to place him in a national school where they speak malay (of which he understands little) or keep him home. She could still send him to me and probably will, but it's not enough. He needs 5 or 6 hours a day, 5 days a week and even if she could pay me for it, I don't have the time.

I've promised his mother I'll talk to the principal of the school he's supposed to attend next year. It's the same school as my son and daughter attend. We have a good relationship - she had more time for ex when she realised he was married to me!! If she won't let him delay his entry into school by a year, I'll see if she'll let him attend with a teacher's aide. I don't know how I'm going to pull that one off - teacher's aides are unheard of here, but I'll try and convince her that it's the progressive thing to do. She might agree, or not.

In the meantime, I'm going to teach this boy English - he's going to read, write and do maths (maybe), it'll just take a while. If he doesn't, I'll know that it's not because I didn't try. Wish me luck and patience please people.