So, we're on the up again. The therapy has officially started. Basically, her advice to me was that for my own mental health, I should try to leave. Now what surprised me was my reaction - I had an anxiety attack. I couldn't believe it. A trained professional tells me what I already know to be the best way and that's how I react? Well, once I'd gotten over that, I told her what I tell myself every time I'm spiraling. I can't leave and and I can't make arbitrary decisions when I'm feeling fragile. Just don't do it. Even though I'm feeling good, I know I'm not out of the woods yet. It's funny though, when I'm feeling good, I never imagine that I'm going to spiral again. Hmmm.
However, the feeling of being validated has been enough to spur me on. She asked to me really see where the damage is coming from and even if what ex says is true, a good partner would have done things differently. I AM not the only one at fault here and I don't need to believe that all of our problems are because of me. OK, then, lets get on with life.
This morning started with a bout of exercise. I tried jogging and soon found myself to be a panting, sweating mess. I'm so unfit, but if I at least walk, I should get some of it back. My fitness I mean. I was a fairly fit teenager and never really had to work at staying fit. But these days, in my 40's, that's becoming a different story. I do still miss my Pilates classes. Pilates is great for your whole body, especially your back. When we were living in Portsea, I attended a boutique gym with Pilates equipment. The instructor was a ripped young man of 26 with a personable nature and he got me to do Pilates moves I never thought I'd be able to do. I do miss him too, as well as the exercise.
So now it's lunch. My son hates rice and wants mushroom soup instead. I think I'll have a bowl of cereal. My weight has gone up a little so something wholegrain and low fat for me. Ex hasn't been well, so i don't know what he's having. He's in a good mood today so I'll try to reinforce by being 'happy'.
Later I've got one student coming for two hours, then pasta and meatballs for dinner and English class tonight. My three students are going well. The most autistic one is coming out of her shell and participating and looking at me a lot more. She's interacting and smiling which is lovely to see. The little boy is now WRITING letters and I've begun teaching him to read and spell. The older one, who attends regular school in grade one (what a surprise she was for her teachers!) has just achieved all A's on her exams. Her mum is so proud of her, as am I.
So things are looking up. I do wonder how long it will last, but for the time being I'm happy to accept where I am and make the most of it. Have a nice day too all of you.
Man, it's hot here. Bring on the thunderstorms.
2 comments:
I am surprised that the therapist told you to leave after so few sessions.
In fact I think I am surprised that it was said at all by the therapist and not having you make the decision one way or the other.
While I hold my opinion I can only repeat that I do not think you should make a decision out of anger or frustration.
If the therapist has formed an opinion so quickly he / she would have been particularly surprised by your position.
On a separate issue I can only imagine how rewarding it would be to have the autistic child reacting to your involvement.
We knew you were good in this area and I suspect I simply underestimated how good you are. So there!
Here is a question that I really do not want to ask……how much weight have you lost?
I am doing squash three times per week 2 hours minimum each time at practice sometimes 3 hours and I have lost NOTHING. Note the capitals. Nothing.
OK I admit that I have rehydrated after each session BUT (capitals) surely it must help eventually.
My fitness is gradually building up, my weight is stable and the only thing falling is my expectation that I will no longer look like an ageing fitter, plump lump.
Still as Pangloss was fond of pointing out this is the best of all things for me.
Cheers to all.
The therapist had a lot of information to work from, so she formed an opinion from that. I didn't think it was too quick.
As to the weight, all up since 07 I've lost 12 kilos. Since you last saw me, I've only lost two. Eat only vegetables and no fats for a week, and only drink water. No snacks in between. I guarantee a weight loss of at least 2 kg.
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