Life is quite good right now, on this warm day. The breeze is blowing, though it's tarnished by someone burning off close by. It's Thursday and we are getting ready for our trip to KL. The kids are on holidays and while I was hoping to spend a one or two days in KL, ex is saying we should make the most of it and go for most of the week. He will drop us off and pick us up later.
Initially I was quite surprised that he would want us to go for that long. He's never suggested it before. Perhaps he did this time because he thought I'd handle the stressful bits better. Perhaps because he wants time to himself. Whatever! I'm not going to buy into my own behaviour and torture myself with WHY. It doesn't matter. The kids and I are going to KL and we're going to have fun.
We are going to stay with ex's Aunty, who's more like a friend really. She's a high paid executive with a fantastic new condo with the works - swimming pool, Gloria Jean's coffee house and mini mart at the bottom of the complex and best of all, a shuttle bus that goes to the mall. I don't know which one, but I don't care. We're going to hang out for hours in the bookstores at "The Curve" a shopping mall close by to where we used to live. We're going to eat pizza at Vivo's and Japanese food for dinner - my son likes the 'Japanese' fries - this restaurant has kids meals and they serve fries with it - hence the fries there are Japanese and healthy. We're going to play at some indoor playgrounds and hopefully visit the kids theme park at Berjaya Times square. We're going night shopping and swimming at Sunway Lagoon, a water park which is conveniently close to one of ex's relatives. She's very nice, though not long ago lost her husband to cancer - he was 34. Now she's concerned that their son, 2, may have autism and would like me to observe him. I'm happy to help her. She's been through so much.
On our last trip to KL, we saw her and she asked me then if I thought he was autistic. I was careful not to say anything too dramatic and hedged around the issue a bit, but also careful not to be too dismissive of her concerns. Mother's instincts are usually right, so said a bit of this and a bit of that. I then made the mistake of telling ex what she'd asked me to do and he responded by telling me to be careful about these things, sighing and then telling me again how careful I have to be because you know how people are. I walked away and wondered why I'd bothered, remembering in the past how he'd always tell me how to do things without really asking me what my response was and just assuming that I'd stuffed it up. I hated that so much and having the freedom to walk away from that kind of response and not give a damn about what he thinks has been really liberating, allowing me to interact with other people and having more confidence than I've had in a long time.
I feel like I've reached a milestone in not caring about what he says and thinks. Of course, I care that he thinks I'm a good mother because now, that is our only connection. But for the rest of it, what he thinks doesn't matter. I'm the one who keeps tabs on me now and I put pressure on myself to be the best 'me' - allowing for the 'situation' of course.
So I'm packing for a week. There's lots to pack but hopefully it'll fit into my smaller suitcase. Otherwise it'll look like I've gone over the top. And I've still got two classes until I'm officially on holidays. This month I have a new student starting with my English class, which I've decide to move out of the back 'class' room to the front of the house. We have a big living room, which we only use half of as a tv room. The other half is for storage and ironing. While I'm away, ex is going to install a proper whiteboard on the wall and move our 'dining' table, which we never use and which sits in the small dining room I use as a laundry, to the front to be used as the students work table. I'll put my teacher's chair nearby, a small table or bookshelf for my stuff, a mat on the floor and hey presto, a classroom will be born. With this arrangement I can fit my two kids and six other students into this class. Oh yes, I need soemthing for the cd player because we sing - well, I don't but I get the kids to - it's good for fluency, reading (I give them the lyrics), pronunciation and it's FUN. Believe it or not, I get most of my songs from the Wiggles first two albums - yummy yummy and big red car and a playschool songs cd, which my kids have had since they were babies. The songs on these albums are classics, easy to understand and have a good simple melody. I'll try Hi5 later in the year. What fun - we may even put on a concert for the parents. That'd be interesting - to teach and to watch.
See, it's not all bad and ex, this past week or two, has been incredibly supportive, helping out with the housework (dishes, because my hands are raw and itchy from my allergies, even though I no longer have contact with detergent) and getting stuff around the house fixed up. It's funny, this is a side of him I haven't seen in a very long time. I hope it's because he feels happier. I want him to be happy and productive. And i could go on and on about it, but alas, it's midnight and time to read and plan for tomorrow.
I don't have a bad life, not at all - that's my mantra right now - I have a good life. Better than a lot of people's and if I stay positive, the only way to go is UP!.
Goodnight, my friends who read this, I'm so glad to have you.
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