Distractions

Listening to: Adam Lambert's new single "Time for Miracles" from the movie 2012, which I am going to see, just to hear the title song (not a big disaster movie fan) played really loud and listen to that amazing voice of his. Woo-hoo. Yeah right, calm down, whatever makes me happy.
Since the rant, my brain has evened out a little.

My classes are continuing and for the moment are providing a great distraction for me. If not for them, I think I'd be packing my suitcase already and then just sitting on my bed waiting to get out of here. Not good. So I've been looking for more ways to stay in the moment and be as happy as I can. And this is what I've been doing.

Researching: My son, Yiethen (pron. Ethan) needs to gain some weight. I was washing his skinny little bod in the shower and all I could feel were bones. His ribs have always stuck out, but now that he's getting taller, his whole rib cage, sternum and all is poking through. I'm not really worried about it, some kids are really skinny and he does eat well, but I'm going to feed him more often with nutrient dense foods and carbs to see if we can't put a layer of fat on those little bones.

I've been talking to my son too, about how he thinks and what he's feeling. He feels sad because he's physically slow at a lot of things. Not that I care, but it bothers ex and he is often telling Yiethen that he's slow. He thinks he needs to say this so that our son will be motivated to be faster - and it does because I see him trying so hard. But he's always scrambling to catch up and I know it's making him think that he's not as good as everyone else. If I tell ex to stop saying it, he'll just say I'm trying to coddle him and that he's so much like me and if we don't say anything now, he'll just accept that as normal - and that's unacceptable to ex. Way to screw up our little boy.

Researching: What do other single people my age look like - I really have no idea. My world is rather narrow in this instance, so I've been perusing rsvp.com, a dating site and it's really interesting - a great distraction. Not that I'm looking for anyone right now, but in the future, it could be an option, so it's interesting to see what kind of people are single and in their 40's - like me.

What struck me most about these people is that they all like travel, movies and going out to dinner and always mentioned that they didn't mind the occasional night in on the couch. Most men prefer the athletic, slim build, which is not me. Some men looked like serial killers and some of them just looked mad. Two guys made me laugh. Some were foreign and I am so not interested in foreign men, it's not funny. The bluer the eyes and the blonder the hair, the more likely I was to read their information.

It's a bit scary really. I was thinking that if I ever get brave enough to actually put up a profile of myself, I wouldn't even know what to write. If you ask me what I'm interested in, I really don't know. My kids? Who isn't into their kids. I don't have a sport - the amount of swimming and walking I do doesn't really qualify, though I am into Pilates. Love Pilates, when it's taught by a good instructor. Hmmm, what else - human behaviour? I've read enough books about it and now find it very interesting to study people from a distance. Does that qualify as an interest? I don't think so and it would probably make people feel weird. (If I meet up with you in December, don't think I'm studying your behaviour - I'll just be happy to see you. ;) What else am I interested in? I wouldn't think that putting Adam Lambert up there would be a good idea, but wait... I do love to meet for coffee with friends and have a laugh. I think it would be a very short profile.

Was also thinking that meeting people online would help curb the loneliness factor. But if I was interested in someone, how would I explain my situation? Uhhmmmm, I live overseas with my ex-husband but we're totally separated and we could meet if you can wait for me to come back... that's sounds good (not). And you know, it's hard to picture myself with someone else. I've been with ex since I was 18 and I always thought we'd be together, as you do when you're that young and idealistic. But no, it's not to be. But I can't even imagine what another partner might look or be like. Some women have their 'ideal man' pictured in their head, but not me. The only qualification a man needs to have at the moment is that he's healthy, happy and doesn't have a penchant for telling other people how they should be!

Believing what I believe (power of the universe and all that) I kind of think if I'm meant to meet someone else, I will. If not, then I know I will be having that experience because I need to have it. Thanks Eckhart Tolle.

Cheers and have a nice day.