Rant to ex

God you shit me!!!! You're so insulting, treating me like some lame, dumb-ass who can't handle any news beyond the weather. You think you're so clever, tip-toeing around me, thinking I've got some sort of personality disorder. I don't have one, regardless of what you think. I'm not some borderline personality, waiting for an opportunity to meltdown.

I tell you what's bothering me and all you can say is 'that can happen in any part of the world'. All you think about is that I'm just waiting for some excuse to pack up and go... you shithead. If that was the case, I'd have been long gone. But no, I stayed, for those two precious little beings in the next room. I'm here and barring a natural disaster, I'm staying because I said I'd stay. Don't you think I know the consequences of melting down completely right now - with just 6 weeks to go till we go to Australia, don't you think I know what you're thinking. Do you think we'll come back - OF COURSE WE WILL YOU SHIT BECAUSE I SAID WE WILL, BECAUSE I'VE TOLD YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN THAT THE KIDS NEED YOU RIGHT NOW. BECAUSE IT'S THE ONE COMMITMENT I WILL KEEP BECAUSE OF THE KIDS. But I'm sure you're thinking that I'm counting up the reasons for why I shouldn't come back. Well, guess what, you don't know me, not a thing about me. Just because there's a little emotion, doesn't mean I'm insane, it's just emotion. Oh yes, but wait. You think everyone in every instance should be able to control their emotions - guess what, they don't. Normal people express themselves.

GODDAMMIT, GIVE ME A LITTLE CREDIT TO HANDLE BIGGER THINGS, even if I get emotional. You could say "look, this has happened and I know it seems a little scary, but you're quite safe and if it makes you feel any better, then I'll stay home tonight." What's so hard about that? Why can't you say that instead of treating me like some insane idiot, you condescending bastard. Like I'm being unreasonable, when I'm not.

Now I'm being unreasonable, saying all this horrible toxic stuff that's going around in my head. But if you treated me like a person instead of like a child, I wouldn't get so angry. You make me angry, yes you do. This time, it IS something you've done.

When you're family needs you, are you really ever there? Really? That's more of a reason for me to go than anything that happens outside of this house. Look at yourself, just look.