Finally home

I'm here, after months of waiting and preparing. Everything went to schedule, as far as getting to the airport on time, with only one little hitch. We got lost going to the airport, because I was navigating and couldn't tell which way we were going. Sorry ex, no, I don't read maps that well.

The flight was good, even though I only got 15 minutes sleep. The service was great, the food quite edible, and the attention to the children was unmatched by any airline I've been on. The kids got activity books, pencils, a toy and then later, "Aunty Lisa" came and took a polaroid of the kids and gave it to them. Nice touch. I will fly with Emirates again, oh yes. My decision was a good one.

So here I am. It's windy, it's even cold and I'm loving it. The kids are cold too and they love it. Even though we've just arrived, it feels like I never left. My Dad's birthday and after dinner gathering at mum's house was good. I ate scallopini and potatoes and it was delish. The portions are huge here. The kids shared fish and chips. I had one glass of sav. blanc on an empty stomach and no sleep and found myself afraid to get up and walk. It was fun. I didn't have to worry about the kids and what they spilled or how I appeared or handled anything. Everyone was relaxed (including me) and it was lovely.

When I got here, I thought I'd heave a huge sigh of relief, like when I came back in 07. But I didn't and don't think I will. Not because I'm not glad to be here but probably because I don't need to. I feel the same here inside as I did in Malaysia, though I'm not as lonely here. I think my point is that I'm happy enough inside myself and with myself. I don't feel broken and horrible anymore. Of course, I'm happy to be home with my parents, but I'm no longer running away from a situation that I found intolerable. Now I don't care if he doesn't like me because other people do and my family and friends here do, so I don't need anything from him anymore. Well, at least I think I don't.

A new feeling has arisen though. Last time I came back, I felt like I was coming home. Now 'here' doesn't feel like home anymore. It's a bit like floating around and not belonging anywhere. It doesn't bother me. I'm not melting down about it. But it is strange to feel that way. Everyone here is still in their normal routine of school and work and we are on holidays. Maybe that's what's causing the feeling. Whatever comes up though, I feel strong enough to cope with it.

There are many days ahead, which are filling up fast. The kids are eating well, sleeping well and really enjoying the chance to go and play outside in the front or backyard, riding bikes and playing with the dog. My daughter has bravely overcome her fear of animals and is now happy to be around the dog. She'd made up her mind to do this on the plane over and has done really well. She loves to be outside, whether it be reading a book under a tree or looking through the vegetable garden for anything ripe.

It's nice to see them so comfortable here. I'm sure they miss their dad, but the haven't asked for him yet. They're just so busy enjoying the outdoors. So far we've been shopping, bike-riding and to the city. I'm glad we're here where they can broaden their horizons a little and concentrate on just being kids.

Good stuff.