Nearly finished

Phew! It's been a reasonably big week, with my teaching ending on Saturday morning with the performance of the 'mini-concert' by my English class. It's been a much anticipated event, something my children have been looking forward to for weeks. On the other hand, I have NOT been looking forward to it because it meant having to do my teacher thang in front of adults. I was nervous and sweaty and shaky, but we got through it.

I was more nervous because ex was there. When I need to 'perform' or even be around other people and he is there, I am more nervous because I am more aware of my failings and more self-conscious. It's left over baggage of how it used to be. I would do something and he would tell me later how I could have done better or what I did wrong. Now he doesn't say anything, but the anxiety is there. Now he has no choice but to let me make my own mistakes and let me be myself - bumbling mistakes and all.

Not to worry, it's over now. Now I am packing in earnest. Carefully placing items and clothing that I want to take, being careful not to over pack the clothing since I know I will inevitably go shopping for myself, my kids and my nieces and nephew. But I don't want to be packing. I don't know why. Perhaps I think it will upset ex. The kids keep talking about Australia and I keep shooshing them because ex will think I'm talking Australia up and making this all into some sick competition where we compare which country is better and why. I don't do that and I don't want it to be that way either. Instead, I want them to think of both countries as home, rather than having to pick one. I want them to feel equally comfortable as they have friends and family in both. Why does one have to exclude the other. I don't think it should. Perhaps, if I can stress that to ex, he won't feel so bad when we go back.

More later.