Remaining Questions

Mr S asked some questions, so I thought I'd post the answers. These are questions I frequently ponder and get different answers to, depending on my mood and the general climate within the house. Today, the mood is amicable

1. What are you going to do to change this “door mat” situation without any emotional upheaval?
I know I have to assert myself, but it's difficult because when I do, it's seen as 'rocking the boat', picking a fight, being difficult...so I don't. I just let it ride. I don't feel like I have a choice in this matter. I'll save the 'asserting myself' for when it really matters - when the topic of leaving comes up. I'm going to save all my energies for that one, because I'll need it. Also, if I am calm and accepting (doormat), I can't be seen as making trouble, throwing things back in his face etc. There's less reason for him to think I am unstable - I can't seem to change his overall root perspective so I need to manage my responses to get the best outcome for me in the end.



2. How can you do this before it all occurs again?
I won't do it. Not now, it's not the right time.


3. If something urgent comes up, obviously plans change. What we are all talking about is those irritations to both parties that may / will cause that “dreaded face” to appear. Lord knows we all lived in fear of that face that became so well tuned during those Matriculation years. (joke)

I understand this and I know my face is not pretty when it's angry. You remember those years do you? That was a tough year, for me and those around me. I wish he could accept that at times, when I'm annoyed, that face will make an appearance but it doesn't stay around for long - as opposed to a long time ago.


Just a further thought, what is ex’s equivalent facial expression of that “dreaded face”? I bet there is one and I will also bet that you know it and have not mentioned it to J.

Of course he has a face like this - I think we all do. His is the furrowed brow, tense look that tells me he's stressed just by my being in his vicinity. I've never told him about it because I just accepted that it was part of him and who am I to change people!!!