My girlfriend back home asked my why I needed to go and I thought about it. I don't need to go and I could pull out. But it would weird the kids out and they'd start whining in a way that's hard to say no to. And I'd have no car here for three days, which is never a good thing. And all my friends are going away, so I'll be here by myself and that, people, is never a good thing. That sense of emptiness and having 'nothing' here is so overwhelming that I'd rather risk a trip with ex and the kids. No, better to go I think. And ex has been ok lately, so I think I can manage it. Of course, he's out of the house most of the time. In fact, we hardly see him, but he does spend some time with the kids at night, after he comes back from the office. He drives our daughter to school a couple of mornings each week and tries to spend time with our son playing lego. Which is better than nothing I suppose. He's at the office again today, a Sunday, but I think more because we are going away during the week, so he's doing some catch-up. So he should.
There's something I need to say to him though but I will have to wait for late at night, in case he doesn't take it well - then we have all night to meltdown and recover in time to meet up with the kids again next morning. I need to say something like - please remember this is a family trip, time to spend with the kids. I don't think it's appropriate for you to go out til all hours and see your 'friends' while we are there and then spend most of the next day sleeping while I look after the kids. And if you want to take them out on your own, I'm happy to stay back and stay out of your way but you've got to tell me you want to go on your own and not assume I know.
Uggh, oh how I love talking to him.
*
Adam Lambert is coming to Malaysia. (He is in Melbourne too, but I'm not even close to being there when he is). You think I'd be thrilled - I'm not because I don't think I can make it there and I really want to be. It's on a Thursday, mid-week, three hours away from where I live. I'm also a little self-conscious that an overweight, mid 40's mother of two is not the kind of person that you'd see attending these concerts - not here anyway. I'm about as far away from being a 20's-something Glambert as anybody could be - and not just in age. Glitter is not my middle name and although I'm the proud owner of 6 black t-shirts, none of them have glitter or sparkles on them! :) But I do still love his music and his approach to his life about what is happening to him. He's a very grounded individual and when he camps it up, it's meant to be ridiculous and he knows it is. I love that he doesn't take himself too seriously and is enjoying every moment of his tour because he knows how lucky he is to be living the rock star life.
*
Spoke to mum this week. I speak to her every week and we talk about nothing really, just the daily crap, as we called it. But this time she did something she only rarely does - she voiced her opinion about something I've done and it doesn't agree with mine. You see, I've bought my sister's car so that I can have a car when I get back for a holiday and for the time when I move back. It cost me 2.5K which I had and it's in good condition. It's a 7 seater van thing and while I don't like vans, I can see the practicalities of having one for this time in my life. I can put things in it - suitcases, boxes, people, kids, stuff. Mum thinks I'm jumping the gun and was hesitant about voicing her opinion (but did anyway) and that it was too soon to be doing things like that. I think she's trying to protect not just me, but herself. She wants me home, yesterday. And I know she's had to shelve her real feelings about me being here so that she can come to terms with my decision and be able to speak with me 'like everything is normal'. It's been hard for her, I can appreciate that, mostly I think because she's missed so much of the kids younger years. And she doesn't want to get her hopes up that we are finally coming back. I don't either, because we all know nothing is 100% certain. Anything could happen. But I've got to be positive about this. I've got to make it happen and keep my focus on it. So, I will save some money if possible. I will look for schools for the kids when I'm back in December. I will buy a car as soon as possible. Next year I will pack and start sending stuff back for my sister to put in storage for me. I will find out what I need to do to become an active 'casual relief teacher' again. I will do the things I need to do as part of my commitment to myself to get back home and move on with my life. If I get disappointed, and I may, I will deal with that when it comes.
In the meantime, it's on with life here. I'm taking the kids out this afternoon to get some things we need for our little holiday. We'll visit my mother in law and sister in law if time permits. I've got housework and daughter has to finish her homework before we go. So we're busy, busy and reasonably happy.
Cheers to you all.
3 comments:
I went for a virtual tour of the Austin Hills Resort.
Swimming, sauna, and other leisure activities I guess that somehow includes golf.
All this and I notice that they cater for Muslims during Ramadan.
Here I was thinking that Ramadan was essentially a daylight hours fasting event. Then I saw that the resort offered a Ramadan spread.
My initial thoughts were “my god what a good, cheap concept, a sort of all you cannot eat idea”.
Then I read on and find they offer a “lavish buka puasa spread”.
It would need to be a heck of a good spread if I could not eat during the day.
A chap I play squash with sort of observes Ramadan. Being Muslim he does not eat meat normally and does not drink alcohol (for the duration of Ramadan).
This is the same guy who normally breaks all the rules for being a good Muslim. Married, he finds women friends, alcohol he drinks like a fish and gambles. Gamble! ....he loves the casino. He finished with us at squash at midnight and at 4.30 am he leaves the casino (D&D) and goes home to change so he can go to work.
This is the Muslim equivalent of going to the priest and seeking absolution I suspect.
Still, during the 9th month he does restrain himself.
His version of religion would prevent him playing golf during Ramadan though.
Hope you enjoy your holiday.
Very funny. That's a strange version of being Muslim, as I understand it. "Buka puasa" the termed used for when they break the fasting and so, eat. It's when the sun goes down. Here in my town they start preparing to break fast at about 3pm in the afternoon! By the way, the Muslims I know eat meat, just not pork. They are not supposed to indulge in alcohol at all though when Jin owned the pub, some of his Malay customers would drink.
The holiday was OK. The kids had a good time and that's what was important.
Jo you are correct regarding the pig meat.
He does not eat meat at all he is a vegie.
As far as beer is concerned Muslims I know (Pizza people) have supplied me with a slab of their "beer".
Non alcoholic "beer"...... In the name of Alah it is bad.
I suspect I have discovered why they fight.
Some Dutchies came over at the weekend and was tempted to offer them some of this "beer".
As they had not offended me I resisted the urge to hand this "drink" to them.
After a hard game of squash this particular Muslim I speak of REALLY enjoys 5 or 6 stubbies of VB.
I suspect he really hangs out for the end of Ramadan.
Will there be some photos of the resort? I noticed the swimming pool was BIG. How was the food etc?
Wishing enjoyment to all.
Post a Comment