A question to ponder...

Life is pretty good right now. There's no tension, the air is amicable. The kids are on holidays, exams are over. We've slept and lazed and swum and walked and eaten our way through the last few days, here in our sleepy little flood-prone town where everything is a mere 5 - 10 minutes drive away. On Monday we went to Malacca with some friends, sans ex and had a lovely time. Tomorrow we are going to KL as a family to visit ex's brother and his kids.

If there weren't the two burning-est of issues above all this, life would be good here. If they had a decent school here and ex and I were OK, life would be damn good. I like the close proximity of everything, the limited choices (I hate when there's 10 varieties of stuff to choose from), I like that my best friend is here). But something is missing. There's family to consider. I don't think I've been a good daughter to my parents before and I definitely wasn't a good sister. I was an absent aunt on top of all that. I need to make that up. I want to do it. There's a strong voice in my head telling me that it's the right thing to do. I need to do it. I need to be there.

Education, family. The two most important issues in my life are the reasons I'd give this life up. Ex will wonder why I feel the need to go back. I will talk about these two things, but emphasise education. He will wonder about the family. What could be more important than having your father around, he'll think. I don't have an answer to that one. He has become integral in the children's lives, even though I do most of the rearing. I could say that having a happy mother is very important. That I need to move home where I can move on. I need to settle down. I don't think I've ever felt very settled. I need a space to call my own, where I feel comfortable and happy - that is what I will strive for. I need to work, to save for my future. We need to have health care.

There are many things that Australia doesn't offer us, that we have here. Good cheap food, cheap petrol, cheap groceries and meat (what do you pay for lean beef steak? I pay about AUD8.00/kilo). Our gas bill is minimal, electricity a fair bit more but compared to Australia, we get a good deal on our electricity. Water is cheap too. The basics are affordable by everyone. That's government control for you. But it comes at a price. The politicians line their own pockets and things like roads, hospitals and school in the outer areas miss out. Those who can pay their way through the bureaucrats get things done. Those that can't or won't, wait for months. It's a shitty, corrupted system.

But Australia is home. High cost of living or not, it will offer a lifestyle to my kids not available here. My daughter wants to learn gymnastics - not here. Son would thrive in a theatre group - not here. Both kids would benefit from having less homework and more 'outside time' (again, not here). The dog, the cats, the grandparents, the aunt who loves them, cousins to play with, places to go and see, all great things available back home that the kids love. Here, they have next to none of that.

So, which is better. All those things and a happier mum, or having their dad around and having mum and dad in the same house?

Just a question to ponder.