Written on Sunday, not sure why I didn't publish.
It's been a full week, which is why this is the first real chance I've had to sit, think and write.
Monday was interesting. Ex and I dropped the kids at school and then went to Johor Baru, our state capital, to renew my visa. I'd told my mum I didn't want to go. I had been feeling the resistance inside me for a couple of weeks and managed to work myself into a spin about it. I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to go, I really didn't want to spend that much time alone with ex, doing something that felt so wrong.
It took us two hours to get there, the drive was pleasant. Ex talked a lot about expectations and while he was doing so, I'd rumble around in my bag to make sure I had EVERYTHING I needed. I'd rung the Immigration Department in the previous week, to make sure we had the time frame right and that we would bring the right amount of money. I didn't stop and think why they'd changed their telephone number.
We got there and funnily enough, got lost in the small car park that we've parked in for the past 5 years. It took us 10 bloody minutes to find the exit and, of course, working in the way the universe does, this should have been a warning. Outside, the street was quiet. It should have been busy. At the foot of the building, there were fewer stalls. We were both muttering 'this doesn't look good' and it just got worse as we made our way to the second floor of the building. When we got there, the doors were locked, lights off, not a soul in sight. WTF????
We went down a floor to the Malaysian passport office, hoping against hope that they were there. They weren't. The whole office had moved, to another part of town. They gave us the new address and sent us on our way. Now, in Melbourne this wouldn't be a problem. Get the address, take out the Melways and you really are on your way. Not so in Malaysia. The process is a little different. Firstly, we didn't have a map of JB and finding our way through the tangle of roads with the constant roadworks just wasn't an option. The one thing in our favour at this point was that we'd decided to take the iPad with us.
So, we went down to the car where ex, knowing that this kind of situation can lead to a complete meltdown between us, pleaded with me not to have one. He needed me to help him and didn't need a "boil-up" (that's ex for meltdown!!!LOL). What we needed to do was to find a McDonalds because they always have free WIFI, so that we could get some food and find our way to this new place. I was completely with him I said, but he said it again just in case I didn't get the message the first time. I could see him actively trying to manage his own stress but knew that he had to be thinking that this was my fault and that I should have know about the change in address. I didn't and wouldn't have anyway because even if I'd seen the new address, I didn't know enough of the old one to know that it had changed. Understand????
Anyway, we drove around for half an hour looking for a McDonalds or an unlocked WIFI signal or both. We ended up in the back of some industrial estate then drove on some more, before we finally saw those wonderful Golden Arches that signal you are back in the civilised world. We went in, ordered some food and coffee and thanks to GOOGLE MAPS, found our desired route. As it was, according to the map, we were only ten minutes away. In the meantime, ex was talking about how I should get to know my iPad more so it would be more useful, because I couldn't tell him how to save a map. These things are very useful he said, but we must know how to use them properly. OK THEN!
We got out, we drove there, we found parking, we filled in the forms, I had what I needed (passports, forms, marriage certificate, birth cert etc and surprised ex by also having some passport photos of both of us. This year they also needed thumb prints on one of the forms. I tell you, I think they change it every year to discourage people from renewing. It's easier to just get on a plane and go home! Really, it is.
At five, we were finally finished and the visa was done and paid for and in my pocket, three weeks before expiring. When he walked out of there, he said, "It's been a good day." Phew.
We got lost again after that, ended up in a dive of a shopping centre, drove around some more and eventually found the shopping centre we were looking for. He wanted to do some shopping, while I would have been happy to just drive home. At this point, my back was killing me because I'd aggravated an old back injury on the weekend and driving around in his mother's old car (it uses less petrol he said), which is low to the ground, was not helping. However, not wanting to be a whinger and because he was in charge of driving, I said OK and we went shopping. As soon as we'd had coffee and something to eat, we split up. We needed to break from each other and I needed to clear my head. We met again at 7 and drove the 2 hours home.
Phew! No meltdowns, despite the circumstances and a new visa, valid for one more year, of which I only plan to use for 6 months.
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So that was Monday. The kids started back at school this week, so we're back into the school routine of getting up early, lunch picnics in the car, getting homework done in the afternoons and trying to find time to play in between all that. The son's homework load is not as bad as I thought it would be. One or two pieces, sometimes three or four a day and he gets it done. Daughter is also coping quite well with her workload. Both kids passed their exams well, topping their classes in English. Son's improvement has been significant. He's gone from 1A, B's and C's to 6A's and B and a C. It's made him feel good and for that I'm glad.
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Today ex has taken son for the day, to spend some quality time with him. Ex is trying to teach son to be a bit more flexible, to open his mind a bit more, to challenge him. All noble pursuits, except that he tends to throw our son in the deep end. Like today when he told son that they were going to do a project together that would probably involve glueing his lego blocks together with some hot glue!! That was it for Yiethen, all he could imagine was his lego being destroyed. Ex eventually retracted the plan and told son they'd do it his way. The way he said it though, he sounded like a child talking to another child.
I do wish he'd be more subtle with YieThen though. I think he pushes him the way he does because he thinks I coddle him. And I probably do, but then again, I think all mothers do. But to push him that hard is not always the best idea. It makes Yiethen push harder back and ex already knows from his experience with me that the harder you push, the more the other person will push back. But I can't tell him that. Their relationship has to play out the way it will so that they can both learn from it.
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