When I get the chance Mr S, I'm going to tell ex that his comment was careless and misleading, given the seriousness of the circumstances we are facing. What an idiot to say something like that and not expect it to be taken seriously. Now there's something I could definitely meltdown over. He's done that type of thing before. Once when I was having therapy, he joined me in a session and as we were about to leave, he said to the therapist "how serious should you take thoughts of committing suicide?" She looked at me, eyes wide open and I could hear her thinking "is this guy serious?" I just rolled my eyes and pushed him out the door. BIG RED FLAG that one, but I was too messed up to know.
I am OK too. For the most part, I don't feel stressed or nervous or anxious or any of those things. I do feel tired. I just want it to be all over, but in the meantime, I'll keep busy and try to remain calm.
I am OK too. For the most part, I don't feel stressed or nervous or anxious or any of those things. I do feel tired. I just want it to be all over, but in the meantime, I'll keep busy and try to remain calm.
Being busy for me means that I go out at night with my friends. It will be something I'll miss doing when I get home. After hours is the perfect time to get together. On Friday, after some dinner at a cafe, we joined my best friend's husband, another friend and Alvin (our dance instructor) at another place for yet more food. I didn't actually eat that much because I am trying (and succeeding) to lose weight. Alvin seems to be getting more comfortable with me now. I've noticed that our conversations are longer and about more personal things. Stories from his boyhood and how he came to teach dancing, with funny little anecdotes in between. References to his gay friends (as opposed to just his friends) have made an appearance of late and have made it seem like he's coming out of the closet just a little bit. He's never outwardly told his friends that he's gay, but that's understandable, given the conservative nature of the culture here and the fact that it's illegal. Anyway, it's nice to see that there's a little bit of trust developing. I'd like to think that he'd count me as a friend one day.
Last night I taught my English class at my friends centre. The kids are so tired these days. I don't know if it's the heat, the school workload or just apathy. All they want to do is listen to stories or play 'dead fish' (a perfect game when kids are tired and noisy cos they just lie on the floor like uhmmm, dead fish). I really feel for the kids here. I've got two out of nine who don't get English, who can't seem to grasp the sounds and letter blends. The rest seem to be OK. It's a nice class. I hope I can keep the nine coming til December, but we'll see. As the year progresses, the kids tend to drop off because they find a cheaper alternative or they need to attend another sort of tuition, like Malay or Maths. The kids here work so hard and the curriculum is content driven so their learning centres around memorising facts and copying passages of meaningless text.
I also saw my Aussie friend this morning. We walk together about 3 times a week. She was telling me about their weekend in KL where her husband and 20+ son attended the Bersih rally. Bersih in Malay means clean and it's a movement here calling for cleaner and fairer elections. The government is really cracking down on those who oppose it's way of doing business. Even the Malays (who get most of the token handouts) are getting sick of the government's underhanded ways. It's going to be an interesting time if the people stick to their guns. I hope they do because things need to change here. The bureaucrats can make your life heaven or hell, depending on how you treat them. Treat them to lunch, durians and a few handfuls of cash and your life is heaven. Don't indulge them and they can stretch out a simple, necessary process for months. In the meantime, your business is going bust. Shitheads.
Anyway, ex and I have managed to stay civil, even when alone together. The kids seem to be OK. My cooking has improved and I get frequent compliments from ex about it, even though by the time he eats, it's actually cold. Have been talking to mum who says, everytime, just come home. I do love her for it. I can hear the desperateness in her voice and it's heartbreaking. I want to just 'up and come home' but I just can't. When I think about it, this move home is so much more about than what I 'want'. I need to be home to see and get to know my family again, to be there for them, to help mum and dad deal with whatever they need to and be there for them. I want to get to know my nieces and nephews and to be able to help them when they need it. I want so much more out of life for both me and my two kids. Yes, yes ex, it's all about what I WANT.
Last night I taught my English class at my friends centre. The kids are so tired these days. I don't know if it's the heat, the school workload or just apathy. All they want to do is listen to stories or play 'dead fish' (a perfect game when kids are tired and noisy cos they just lie on the floor like uhmmm, dead fish). I really feel for the kids here. I've got two out of nine who don't get English, who can't seem to grasp the sounds and letter blends. The rest seem to be OK. It's a nice class. I hope I can keep the nine coming til December, but we'll see. As the year progresses, the kids tend to drop off because they find a cheaper alternative or they need to attend another sort of tuition, like Malay or Maths. The kids here work so hard and the curriculum is content driven so their learning centres around memorising facts and copying passages of meaningless text.
I also saw my Aussie friend this morning. We walk together about 3 times a week. She was telling me about their weekend in KL where her husband and 20+ son attended the Bersih rally. Bersih in Malay means clean and it's a movement here calling for cleaner and fairer elections. The government is really cracking down on those who oppose it's way of doing business. Even the Malays (who get most of the token handouts) are getting sick of the government's underhanded ways. It's going to be an interesting time if the people stick to their guns. I hope they do because things need to change here. The bureaucrats can make your life heaven or hell, depending on how you treat them. Treat them to lunch, durians and a few handfuls of cash and your life is heaven. Don't indulge them and they can stretch out a simple, necessary process for months. In the meantime, your business is going bust. Shitheads.
Anyway, ex and I have managed to stay civil, even when alone together. The kids seem to be OK. My cooking has improved and I get frequent compliments from ex about it, even though by the time he eats, it's actually cold. Have been talking to mum who says, everytime, just come home. I do love her for it. I can hear the desperateness in her voice and it's heartbreaking. I want to just 'up and come home' but I just can't. When I think about it, this move home is so much more about than what I 'want'. I need to be home to see and get to know my family again, to be there for them, to help mum and dad deal with whatever they need to and be there for them. I want to get to know my nieces and nephews and to be able to help them when they need it. I want so much more out of life for both me and my two kids. Yes, yes ex, it's all about what I WANT.
Anyway, until the next drama, it's bye for now.
BTKH ~ cb, May 2011
DLHHYB - yc, June 2011
IMAGINE WHAT COULD BE IF YOU REWRITE THE ROLE YOU PLAY ~ Adam, Aftermath
8 comments:
Hi Jo
Just caught up on latest posts. In another comment section you asked what I would do. I would try to bring both home but if I had to, I would stay with both there. I would never split them up, and never leave them, and I would never give them the feeling that it's an option.
Don't you think it might be time to put this on the table with the kids? I know you are both trying to protect them but they will be sensitive to stuff and it will probably be a relief to them in a way. As long as they can be reassured that everything will work out okay.
Have you talked about talking to them yet? I would say the sooner the better because otherwise you are held to some kind of ransom that he's got going. Ask him whether it's not time to get them involved. It's a family, time for a family discussion.
And also you all need to make plans.
Good luck.
Thanks for your insight Melba. I just don't know what I'm going to do if it happens that both are not going to come with me. I'm hoping and literally praying that it goes my way.
We're going to do the family discussion thing after their birthdays which are about 4 weeks away (Aug 17 and 21). Ex didn't want to spoil their birthdays. We didn't want to let them know too soon, nor leave it too late. Since their birthdays are just around the corner, we thought it best to leave it til after then. I've wanted to tell them for the past month, but we've only just started talking seriously ourselves, so we need to sort that and then work out how we are going to tell them. And yes, we do need to make plans.
A risky option (if he refused for you to bring both home) would be to say you are going to come back here, get things organised, see how they go *there* in the meantime and then when he struggles, it might be easier for him to let you have them?
This is risky on many levels which I'm sure you can appreciate.
Sending out all my thoughts to you and the universe to make it all pan out. xxxxxx
PS yes i remember now in one of the posts you talked about waiting until their birthdays, der me.
Folks just a quick post.
How is it possible for Ex to STOP you bringing both home?
If you mean he will not support the concept I can understand that.
While I am not familiar with Malaysian Law I cannot see how he can either physically or legally prevent Australian citizens returning to Australia from Singapore which is just down the road.
I honestly hope this is resolved reasonably amicably given the circumstances though.
It is beyond me how anyone could see that splitting up the children is an option.
This is not occupied Poland we are talking about.
My best to all.
Thanks for the thoughts Melba. Mr S, I don't think he could really stop us from leaving and I don't think he would, especially so if both kids actually wanted to come with me.
Also, right now, remember I am free to walk away from this at any stage and come home myself. If I thought I was mentally and emotionally incapable of seeing this through I would do just that. I would be a case of save thyself first. So he's not keeping me here, but I am here because he wanted to have access to the kids for "3 more years".
Stay focused, your goal is to come home happy with both kids happy and still give him an ego win somewhere.
Best to all.
Malaysian child custody laws are completely different to Australian. The children 'belong' to the father and the country is not part of the Hague Convention (which is the global law that allows parents to try and 'get their kids back' from certain signatory countries.)
For what it's worth.
I think it's best if at all possible to avoid such a move, ie running away with them.
xxx
Thanks Melba, fleeing with the kids constitutes kidnapping and I wouldn't be able to get back into the country without getting arrested. Not my plan at all. I want this country and these people here, including their father to be a positive part of their lives. So really, it's not an option.
What a fucking mess this is.
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