Tomorrow

I'm off tomorrow. I can't believe it's here. I'm nervous and happy all at the same time. People have visited us, given us gifts, I'm packed to the brim. After I tidy my room tonight and pack the last of my things into my hand luggage, I'll be ready to take that one way ticket and come home.

I leave here certain that I've made a difference not just to the children I've taught but to NASOM and my friends here. They are not being polite to me. Our relationships comprise of mutual respect and affection. I will miss them terribly but they are happy for me that I am moving home and they will miss me.

I feel mostly confident that my view on the world is viewed through 'normal' eyes, not borderline personality filters. I'm confident I can go on with my life and support myself and my two children and give them the education and opportunities they deserve.

I'm glad I've this opportunity to learn about myself and the power of self belief and determination. I am a better person for it, enriched by my experiences and knowledge that I've gained through researching about how to cope with this situation. I'm more connected to myself and those around me which includes the people that have read my story here and those that have supported me in the real world. I understand what being grateful is and have learned to appreciate those that have supported me on a much deeper level because we have connected in a way that wouldn't have been possible otherwise.

For me, connection to others will be the most important aspect in my life. It hands down, beats material goods and money. If I'm in another relationship, it will be the quality that I'm looking for - something I never really had with ex, though I didn't know I didn't have it. It will be something I strive to cultivate with my children in the years to come.

Now I know better, I will do better. I'm looking forward to the challenges that face me and I know that even if things are tough, I will get through it. If I'm emotional, it will pass. If unexpected things happen, I will deal with it. It will take a lot to derail me from where I am now.

Best of all, I like me (most of the time anyway). I like who I've become, I'm comfortable in my own skin. I'm happy knowing I can deal with life but also know that I should never stop reading, learning and thinking.

A lot of people say we can't change - I was one of them. I think we can but we must do it on our own terms. Other people can not force us to change, we must see it for ourselves. It takes a lot to see it, if we dare to go looking. We shouldn't be afraid to face ourselves and our demons. It's never as scary as we think.

And the rewards are great.

See you all soon.