In the house behind us, someone from the Chinese community has died. I can tell from the Buddhist chants coming from the house. "Ah mi toh fo" is sung over and over again in a mournful, slow, lilting way, to send off the person's spirit into the next world. I find it very comforting, hypnotic even, for reasons I can't explain. It can be heard from a few streets away and brings a enveloping calm to the immediate neighborhood.
People from the community who know the family in any way, will go and pay their respects for the next few days. My sister-in-law's father knew the person who died, so my mother-in-law called to say that almost-ex should go around and pay his respects. The body is kept in the coffin at the house during this time, until it is then taken away and either buried or cremated. Sometimes there's a big send off with the coffin on the back of a lorry and drums playing while the coffin is driven slowly away, other times it's a quiet send off.
The street is blocked off with a shelter and alter that is built by the funeral service. Tables and chairs are put here and food is served. People come and eat, pray, chant and donate money to the family.
A monk will lead the chanting and volunteers from the local Buddhist temple will come to help with the chanting. It's done for hours at a time, with some breaks in between for other types of prayers. The family are easy to distinguish. They wear black or dark blue pants with a white t-shirt. Nothing colourful, just black and white.
When almost-ex's father passed away two and a half years ago, we couldn't wear colourful clothes and had to eat vegetarian for 45 days after. I think the Buddhist idea behind this is that because a life has been taken, we shouldn't take another life because we want to eat. This is just for the immediate family, at least for the first week. I think I lasted about 30 days. Almost ex went the whole 45, as did one brother. The other brother lasted a week. And for a week, we had to wear the black tracksuit pants with the white shirt. This was soooooo hot - my sis-in-law bought them and they were those shiny, thick 80's style tracky dacks. I didn't think you could get those here, but you can and we wore them. Very sweaty.
The chanting has passed now, but it will pick up again later in the day. Hearing it makes me think of their loss and how their lives will never again be the same. The person who died will be remembered with an alter in the home, where relatives will pay their respects with a short prayer when they visit. Once a year (old souls day, qing meng)the family comes together to remember the ancestors and visit the cemetery to tidy up the grave.
I like this custom. It pulls the family together and the person who has passed is remembered and treasured. My kids, even though they didn't know their 'ayeh' (chinese for grandfather) for very long, still remember and know who he is.
Safe journey, ayeh.
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