No medals for guessing who this rant is aimed at:
there are endless dishes on the sink, even though I haven't really been here. If you like everything so clean and neat, why don't YOU do them.
there are piles of ironing, stubbornly waiting to be done by you, who said that you will keep doing the ironing. You've said in the past that you will do it because you're more efficient at it than me. So do it already.
a quicken accounting file that refuses to send, and of course it's due today. I've been trying to send the file since last night. Now, because it's a reasonably big file (8Mb), and my connection is dropping in and out, it's not sending. My mind, being what it is, is just screaming to yell all this out to you, because if I wasn't living in this hole of a country, I would have been able to send this thing yesterday. And you're acting like I'm this huge bother to you. I feel like I'm in the way, even in the kitchen I had to walk away because you tut-tutting about this and that and asking me to move in THAT tone of voice. So when I asked you to help send this VERY IMPORTANT file to OUR accountant, the least you could do is help. But nooooo, you've got other things on your mind. It's OK though, I will charge the business my premium fee for taking care of this for us.
The way you say "I'd better make the decision, because no-one else will make them" - you're the one fucking driving, moron, you're supposed to make those decisions, and you KNOW I have trouble navigating and you're supposed to be so good at it, why rely on me and then get angry at me because I can't do it. GOD, I hate it when you do that. This happened while we were shopping yesterday. Now for us to go shopping, it's a major trip - this one was 2 hours drive away. Shopping malls are non-existent in our town, so when we need to buy toys and books, clothes for me, we need to travel. I took half a xanax yesterday morning in preparation for the trip and had to take another half when we got there two hours later. Just the fact that I'm the one taking the medication, makes it seem like it's my fault, but his expectations are so unreasonable sometimes.
uh-oh, guess what, spiral coming, black days ahead and yes it is THAT time of month. I'm going to have to be very careful about how I come across, what I say and how I do things.
I hate it when you walk around in your underpants. Rub my nose in it why don't you (not literally).
I hate chinese - I never get it and I know I don't want to because it's linked with you.
I hate it when you talk about things that are healthy for you and ask me to try and change the kids diet so that they don't eat so much bread and milk and yet you will eat half a large packet of potato chips and drink a bottle of beer on your own. Isn't that hypocritical?
I hate it when we are talking and you talk about how I talk and about how bad it is. Get over it already - you're giving me agendas I don't have.
I hate it how I always have to agree with you, otherwise I'm being difficult. Arguing is not an option and even quietly letting you know my opinion is counterproductive because you take it as absolute and see it a a problem with my personality.
I hate how you don't have a real job, and what you're doing is not making you much money but you think one day it will. I hope for your sake it does, because if I find out you can't support us and have to borrow from your family just to make end meet, I'm out of here.
Most of all, I hate that I can't move on because of all these hateful thoughts that keep coming up. I've been thinking about thinking positive, creating the vision I want for myself, affirming the thoughts through actions blah, blah, blah but this stuff comes up and poisons it all and then I'm back to square 1.
I'm glad this blog takes it all. I never really want to say these things to you. There's no point. As people, we are OK, we're just not good together. So be it.
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