Mother in law rant

I've been lucky as far as mother in laws go. Ex's mother is independent and liberal thinking, generous and quite in tune with what's going on around her.

But once she believes something, she's keep pushing until you accept it. Actually, now that I think about it, that's a lot like ex. Won't let an issue go until it goes his way. Our son is like that too - obsessive about certain subjects and won't let an idea go until you say, OK, I agree with you. Of course, it drives me crazy.

Today's rant going round in my head has to do with my MIL wanting my son to eat asian noodles. Now, my son is a pretty good eater and he still gets round to eating his rice, meat and vegies. But his preference is for western food - pasta, sandwiches, cheese, milk, potatoes etc. And he doesn't like Asian noodles, of which there are many different types here. He won't have a bar of them, and it's a huge struggle to get him to eat even a little bit. So I cave in and give him sandwiches, pasta, French toast etc for lunch when the rest of the family is eating noodles, which at most is once a week.

My MIL keeps on talking about teaching my son to eat malaysian food, he must learn to eat the food here, he is a malaysian so he should learn to eat noodles. She said those words on the phone this morning when she invited us for lunch. I should have declined, no thanks, we're busy... thanks all the same. I should have declined when I heard the two trigger words - should and must. But I didn't decline, I accepted gracefully and said we'd be there.

Now I have to go there with a head full of bullshit opinion that I can't let out. I have to tolerate the incessant talk about what my son should and should not eat, I have to make him try a little bit, knowing it will create stress for everyone there, because I know he is going to refuse to eat it. I will get upset, in my own classic way and it will take the rest of the day to recover.

Because I can't let it out there, I'm going to dump it here, my opinion that is.

YOU WANT HIM TO EAT NOODLES, YOU MAKE HIM DO IT. IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME THAT HE DOESN'T EAT NOODLES. IT'S NOT LIKE HE HAS TO EAT THEM EVERY DAY, IT'S NOT LIKE THERE ARE NO ALTERNATIVES FOR HIM TO EAT. IT'S TOO HARD TO MAKE HIM NOODLES. HE EATS RICE, VEGIES, MEAT, CHINESE RESTAURANT FOOD AND ALMOST EVERYTHING ELSE. THE ONLY THINGS HE REFUSES TO EAT ARE PEANUT BUTTER AND NOODLES. SO WHAT. SO WHAT IF HE PREFERS WESTERN FOOD. HE'S HALF AUSTRALIAN, DOESN'T THAT COUNT! NOODLES ARE NOT A BIG PART OF OUR DIET, SO IT'S REALLY NOT AN ISSUE. INCONVENIENT SOMETIMES, YES, BUT NOT A HUGE DEAL.

YOU SEE HOW HARD IT IS TO GET MY SON TO DO THINGS HE DOESN'T WANT TO DO. I ALREADY HAVE TO WORK SO HARD TO CONTROL THE THINGS HE OBSESSES ABOUT, WON'T LET GO, THINGS HE THINK SHOULD HAPPEN. IT'S SO EXHAUSTING, WHY DON'T ONE OF YOU DO IT. I'M TAKING MY TIME ON THIS ONE BECAUSE I THINK IT'S THE BEST THING TO DO FOR NOW. I'VE CHOSEN NOT TO ENGAGE THIS BATTLE BECAUSE I'M EXHAUSTED WITH OTHER THINGS, MORE IMPORTANT THINGS LIKE HAVING THE STRENGTH TO LIVE HERE AND BE REASONABLY HAPPY, HAVING THE COURAGE TO LIVE IN A BROKEN MARRIAGE WITH YOUR SON JUST SO THE KIDS CAN BE WITH THEIR FATHER.

AND CAN'T YOU SEE HOW MUCH HE IS LIKE HIS FATHER, WHO IS LIKE YOU. WARM AND GENEROUS ON ONE SIDE, CONTROLLING ON THE OTHER. NOBODY TELLS YOU WHAT YOU SHOULD DO, THEY WOULDN'T DARE SO QUIT TELLING ME ABOUT THE THINGS YOU THINK I SHOULD DO.

The amount of anger here seems a little unreasonable. there are many issues tied up with it, baggage from the past with ex, issues with self confidence about being able to express my own opinion in a reasonable way.

so, I'm thinking, what does this situation need!

- calm
-thoughtfulness
-preparation
-xanax

I will take xanax so that I can go there with a calm mind and if she mentions it, which i'm 98% sure of, i will say the following:

for a lot of reasons, i know it would be better if my son ate noodles. but he doesn't. it's something i'm going to work on in the future because right now, i don't have the strength to do it. he's a very determined little boy and it will be hard work teaching him to eat something he doesn't like, so i'm going to tackle it when i feel i have to strength to succeed, perhaps when he's a little older. til then, i appreciate your concern, but would prefer it if you could let it go!

Am i going to say this? i don't know, i'd love to but i'm not really assertive. But i will take xanax to get thru this and see if it helps.
wish me luck on this very non important, trivial issue. that has a lot of explosive potential.

POST LUNCH:

We went there and my son started playing up as soon as we walked in the door. Even the xanax couldn't calm my anxiety when he did this. I knew I wouldn't be able to get him to eat the bloody noodles without a huge tantrum and ex, watching on, knew this too. Our son, eyes rolling, fists in little balls, tears at the ready, was about to meltdown. And thankfully for once, he stepped in. He told me to go eat and he handled the situation, calming the son and dealing with his mum who'd already relinquished her position with the comment "just let him eat what he wants, nevermind". And actually I was pretty proud of the way ex handled it. "Let me deal with my son" was all he said to her and he did. And, in between sobs and pleading eyes to me, our son ate his lunch of noodles, and he did it without the tantrum.

Phew. I was glad I'd taken the xanax just in case, but it was good to see ex step up and contribute too.