This elephant is of the financial kind. It's a big, terrifying issue. And I can't believe it. Ex is running out of money, as far as I can see anyway. Yesterday he needed me to transfer more money from Australia to his bank account here - again. From the sale of some software rights in April, he's had access to over AUD 35K. That translates to 98,000 ringgit. 30K of that is invested. That leaves 68,000. According to ex, there's 2 - 3 K left. So in 6 months, he's spent 65,000 ringgit. Divided by 6 that's 11 ringgit per month. Our expenses are between 4 - 4.5 K a month, max. So where did the rest of the money go and is he obligated to tell me. He doesn't think so. He's not answerable to me anymore, it's no business of mine.
Except that I think it is. I have a bad feeling about this, but I don't trust myself to judge it correctly. Like I said, it looks like he's running out of money. Maybe he's not. Maybe he's got some business deal where he's making money and not telling me. Maybe, when he goes away for the few days each month, he's there for work (has anybody got a bridge to sell me? she says, looking around Bloggerland) and he's going to make money. His mum confidentially told me that he's been negotiating some deal in Singapore and I found some Sing. money in the car, so he's obviously been there.
And he's expecting me to spiral, to use it as an excuse to leave. I can see it in his short, abrupt manner, his 'what is it now' look that he gives me when I need to ask him something. It's like around every corner, he's expecting me to come out with 'now that you're running out of money, I want to go home'. He thinks he's walking on eggshells, to stop me from spiraling. But it's actually the other way around - we are walking on eggshells to stop him from stressing out too much. Two very different, valid realities based on past experiences.
But I'm not going to. I'm going to wait. I have my dad's patience. I'm going to stay stable and IF he brings it up, I'm going to say "don't be silly, you've still got your investments and you've just transferred money from overseas." I'm going to show faith in him. I want to be gentle, to not hurt him. It's not the right time to come home, not yet.
I know he's struggling, I can see it. He finds it difficult to talk to me, it's hard for him to remember things. It's all so stressful. I hope he can handle it, I know I can.
2 comments:
i wonder about this, about going through money so quickly. there is a possible reason, but i don't want to put it out there.
i'm sure you've thought of it. it would explain certain other behaviours of his, and fit with his manner maybe.
you're right; maybe it's not your business. are you financially dependent on him? if so, what can you do about ending or reducing that dependence?
Melba, I am financially dependent on him - it is his end of the deal to support us here. I care for the kids and do the house and teach a little for my own pocket money and he earns the dollars to pay the bills. I've kept up my end, I want him to keep up his. I've had job offers and I can teach English now that I have more time, but I'd need ex's co-operation to mind my son and I don't think I'd get it. However, getting a job is an issue I will raise though, along with the fact that he will need to look after the kids as the job is in the late afternoon and evening. If he says no and we do run out of money, there's only 2 courses of action left - I work here or I work in Australia.
I'm curious as to what you are thinking, so maybe you can email me and I'll see if we're thinking the same thing.
Thanks for taking the time to read Melba, I always appreciate your input.
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