things goin round in my head lately, which of course must always end up here, lest they explode upon ex in an unfortunate episode of moodiness.
School crap - I still pine for my children to go to a school where their personalities will be cherished, not suppressed; where there are no exams before high school level, where everything is bright and colorful and classroom walls are covered in the creative efforts of the kids.
Money shit - will he run out? what do we do if he does? More money from Australia? The only money there now belongs to me and the kids. I don't want him to have it. He said he would take care of the finances, I wish he would. We don't live extravagantly, not by a long shot. The only thing I will spend a bit more money on is clean, healthy meat and books for the children and of course, son's shoes, all of which we need to go to KL for (RM150 a trip, just in car tolls and petrol - about AUD $80). My clothes are Reject shop, the kids clothes come from the local department store where it's cheap. I don't go out much, we don't go on a lot of holidays -the occasional weekend away, I don't make enough to cover expenses and I don't think he is - current money is coming from Australian business which is rapidly running out, and some from some web work that he does. Is he doing other work to help meet the short fall? Was that new piece of paper on his desk a request for some work to be done? I hope so. (Post note: seems the papers on his desk were the specs for a database or new web site for someone. Phew!)
My boy, so bright and energetic, will finish his final year in Kinder (this year being equivalent to the Australian Prep grade) and move to 'big school' next year with his sister. It will be a different experience for him. At the moment, he doesn't listen and then panics when he doesn't understand. This has lead to numerous crying episodes at school and is starting to concern me a little. He's smart, our boy, but hinders his own efforts by jumping in too quickly and thinking he already knows what to do. That will not endear him to the teachers here. He will most likely get more beatings (smack on the hand with a ruler) than my daughter did, until he mends his ways. If it gets too much, I will approach the Guru Besar. I wonder if the school would help out, should such a problem arise? Let's not jump ahead of ourselves, shall we?
Wild - that's how ex described his brother's children. Ex's brother and his wife went away this past weekend to Cambodia (why? I don't know) for a short holiday, leaving their 3 children aged 13, 10 and 8 home by themselves, with mother-in-law watching over them (and cooking dinner) a few houses away (3 minutes walk) and the dogs guarding the gate. To me, it doesn't seem right. The kids are often left by themselves while the parents go to work (the younger one is not left on his own, though he may be wandering the house while his 10 year old brother sleeps in and his sis is at school or busy texting her friends). This leaves the 13 year old to do the parenting, the 10 year old to rebel and the 8 year old to live with it. There are limits set, but basically the kids are left to fend for themselves.
Autistic centre: teachers there are expected to do what I had to go to university to learn how to do. At a recent conference, they were given a few days training, all in English, on how to produce a meaningful program for the children, how to layout the days schedule with all it's goals, obejctives and materials needed etc. I have to remind myself that these two girls have never taught before and speak basic english. I think it's unfair of NASOM (National Autistic Society of Malaysia) to expect them to be able to produce these documents when they don't get 'in-school' time to do it and have little experience in the first place.
Stress: Last friday I panicked so badly I gave myself a bout of gastro. I was overwhelmed by the amount of work needed to be done at the autistic centre and I had no idea where to go with my English class because they talk very little and only seem to be able to complete worksheets. My goal for them is to be able to communicate and write reasonably in English and I am having a hard time getting them to do that. They also don't seem to be enjoying the work I am giving them. I ended up calling on my poor friend who has entrusted me with this class and asking her for some suitable material. I felt bad for doing that because I think I should be able to come up with something better.
On Sunday we had a Hari Raya (malay new year) celebration at the Autistic centre. One of the mum's and one of the teachers cooked and boy, did they cook. I've never seen so much food. Sweet curry chicken, satay (real satay, not the crap you get in Australia) and peanut chilli sauce, rice, noodles, more chicken, biscuits, donuts and drinks. Yummo. I got to meet the parents of the children and they got to meet me. Ex's best mate was there too, he's on the fund raising committee because he was the Rotary club president last year and has made this his charitable cause.
Monday saw me take mother-in-law and 3 kids (my two and their cousin) to the hot springs in a town not far from here. It was hot - very hot. The water there is naturally hot (I hope we're not sitting on a volcano) and they run it into a pool and everyone sits in the water - in their clothes. I'd bought along shorts and a t-shirt because it would be unseemly to wear my bathers. We were having a good time til 15 mintues in daughter got dizzy and felt unwell. She went to rest and drink water, vomited into a nearby toilet and felt OK again. The good thing about toilets here is if you happen to make a mess, there is ALWAYS a bucket and water in the toilet to wash it away. Lots of water here, lots and lots.
Up in the northern part of Malaysia it has already started flooding. People being evacuated, living in schools or with relatives while the water subsides. In our town, it has started raining everyday. About 3 - 4 pm, the sky will cloud over, then it starts to rain. Everytime it does, I think of my family and friends back home who need it to rain. It's so dry in Australia, particularly where my family lives. I wish it would rain for them too.
Lunch today was chicken and roasted pork over steamed rice with sweet sauce. It's really nice, very simple and very cheap - RM3.50 (AUD 2.00) per packet of rice and meat. In Melbourne we used to visit The Glen shopping centre for this meal and I think back then it was about $6.00 a serve.
Feeling a little dizzy and light-headed today, as I have for the past two mornings. Don't know what it is. Stress maybe, though I don't feel stressed or not enough sleep. I haven't been sleeping well and when I do sleep, it's full of dreams about home, being with family etc.
A New Earth is taking a long time to get through. I can only read a few pages at a time before I start losing the message. I'm determined to finish it though. I read some reviews on the book at Amazon.com and a lot of people gave it the thumbs down. Those people that did thought it was just a rehash of Buddhism, which I actually agree with. Buddhist books that I've read also talk about the 'monkey mind' and about detaching ourselves from the importance of material things. They also extolled the virtues of being able to detach oneself from the ego in order to accept things, situations and people as they are, not as we judge them to be.
I'm officially allergic to dish-wash detergent and hand wash that is not soap free. It's very common. If I so much as touch this stuff, my hands itch and prickle like nobody's business. At home I've changed to soap free wash and use gloves to wash the dishes. I also have a special pair of gloves that I use to cook with, saving me from washing my skin about 20 times per cooking session - I wash the gloves instead. Must ring my sister, I think she had it.
Things I love to do at the moment - watch tv, sleep, eat, watch tv, play with kids, sleep, nap and dream!
Well there it is, all the banal thoughts for now, poured into this little blog. If you are reading this, Mr Scorpio, have a nice day!
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