Going to the supermarket is a complete stress-out for me, I just hate it. And I have to be careful of when I go, because if I'm having a mood, the stress is even more. I'd avoided going yesterday and so had to go today and was at the checkout when an oldish chinese lady with her grand-daughter queue jumped in front of me, smiling and saying "saja satu, saja satu" - just one, just one because she had only one item in her hand. Well, I'd had enough. The cashier was already slow, my stress levels had gone as high as they could and I was really needing to get out of there. So I told her in plain English about the express counter being just over there. And I could feel the look on my face - one of those dirty looks that speaks any language. She stopped smiling and went over to push in front of someone else's cue. Unbelievable. And I felt so bad for saying something to her, but this time I just couldn't let it go. I needed to get out of there, and I needed it ASAP. I said it as calmly as I could, though my voice was a little shaky because I'm always nervous when I have to stand up for myself. But I couldn't get over how guilty I felt and kept beating myself up for it later on. I was thinking to myself that she could have been one of my students grandmothers or someone's aunty that I knew. I hope not.
The thing is I'm so conspicuous here. If I drive faster than I should or do something like the above, it usually gets back to the family. One day I was on the phone to my sister in the park (I use my mobile phone) and I was crying, but I didn't think it was that obvious. The week after, ex tells me his sister's friend had seen me, emailed her (his sister) who then emailed ex who then asked me what I was doing crying my eyes out in public!!! Fuck. Who knew. All I remember about that day was that I was by myself at the park with the kids. So now in public all I can do is smile and go about my merry way, smiling tediously at whoever so that people think I'm happy. If people only knew what was going on in my head...
The thing I've noticed about a lot of Malaysians is that they don't seem very polite when it comes to being in public. If they know you, it's OK, but if you're a stranger, they will push in front, cut you off and generally be rather thoughtless so that they can get their things done quickly. There's really not much civil politeness - not at all. If you go into a shop or you need to use their services, they're all over you of course, but in general, I'd have to say that Malaysians are pretty rude.
So back to Christmas. I've bought the presents, still got a few to go. Christmas eve, my sis-in-law is coming over for supper and the kids and I are going to make some cookies, truffles and chocolate coated strawberries to eat. We'll give presents, the kids will play, J (sis-in-law) and I will drink coffee and chat a while. It should be OK. I've promised the kids I'll make chicken and salad and fries for dinner - nothing really special, but special for them. I'm not really good at cooking for a crowd so that's why I've only invited the in-laws for supper. I've lost a lot of my confidence in this area, ever since ex said that I didn't cook well and my friends were being polite whenever they came to eat at our place.
Christmas day I want to do a nice breakfast with croissants, ham and cheese etc but Giant no longer sells ham and I can't get to Malacca before then, so we'll ditch the ham and just have croissants and cheese, which i think I can get at the bakery. If not, maybe we'll go out and have roti chanai and teh tarik (pulled tea), a common malay breakfast which we all enjoy.
So, it's a simple Christmas this year. We'll try to do web cam with my sister's family on Christmas eve, so that should be OK, though none of us ever know what to say to each other. I'm hoping to see you, Mr Scorpio, all dressed up as Santa for the kiddies there. Hah! Send me a photo, won't you!
Merry Christmas to all.
1 comment:
Merry Christmas Jo. Have a lovely day.
xxx
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