It has literally, been weeks.

I think mid-April was the last time 'it' happened. Of course, I'm talking about meltdowns. The only one having meltdowns now is my son, but that's another story.

Melba, your words have helped me stay on the track of being detached. It's the only way, as you've said. We can't have intimate conversations, or really be involved in each other's lives because we're no longer in that sort of relationship. I thought there could be another way, but there isn't. This, staying emotionally 'away' from him, is the only way. These are the things I've done, that have helped.

~ I don't let myself wonder about his life anymore - about who he's with, what he's taking or what he's doing.

~ I don't go near his computer, even though I have many legitimate opportunities to do so.

~ I don't talk about him, unless I'm pissed off and need to vent.

~ I don't talk to him about me, unless it's something benign.

~ I don't ask him things just to get his approval.

~ I don't involve him or try to involve him in the things that me and the kids do, but I don't stop him either. If he wants to, he'll join in. If he doesn't, maybe he doesn't want to. If he's waiting for me to ask, he's going to be waiting a long time because this is my life and he's not in it. There are plenty of opportunities for him to do things with the kids, but somehow or other, he doesn't seem to be taking these. I thought he would, but it's his decision and his loss. He's the one missing out on valuable time with the kids. And while he's doing that, I'm making memories and giving my kids the experiences I want them to have. I want them to have a fun, full life, regardless of the situation we are in. I want them to be able to look back and remember the good bits, not the messy mummy-is-melting-down-again bits.

So that's what I'm doing. I can accept the limits that a relationship like this has - finally. I know that for me and the kids, this is the best way. It's the only scenario in which I've managed to stay stable and feel like well, myself. I feel, for the most part, pretty good about myself and the situation I've created. The kids are happy, productive and settled and we are moving along at a nice pace, finding a balance between learning and play.

I never thought I'd say it, but my life is OK. Oh yes, and there's only 5 months to go before our Christmas trip back to Melbourne. Woo-hoo.

PS - Note to self - you've done well, don't stuff it up!