This time though, instead of calling me back, ex gave me 350 Ringgit and said take your time!! I was pleasantly surprised when I didn't get a message asking me to come back - so it doesn't happen every time.
So there we were my friend and I, hidden away in a late night (and very busy) coffee shop, chatting and whinging about what else, men. She was telling me about her husband and how he feels the need to show her how to do everything and how she can't stand it and it makes her feel so stupid and he wants her to do it his way... starting to sound familiar. I swear, if I didn't know any better, I'd have thought that I was listening to myself.
So I've come to the conclusion that we (ex and I) are way more normal than we think we are and that a lot of other couples have exactly the same issues and have the same reactions as we do. That and the things that you nice people have been telling me for the past 18 months proves to me that I DO NOT have Borderline Personality Disorder and that he IS NOT abnormally controlling or pedantic. We are just normal people trying to do what many other normal people are doing.
Fast forward one day and ex is having a hard day with our son. Ex has decided that just being here for the kids is not good enough and so he's endeavouring to get more involved in the day to day stuff such as:
~ doing the dishes every day - I rarely do dishes now, because of my poor sensitive hands (which are finally on the mend thanks to a super steroid cream my sis in law gave me)
~ spending more time with kids, getting them to help around the house
~ offering to do more things like take the kids to school, visit his mum more and generally be more involved with day to day life.
I'm guessing now that I'm more stable, he feels he can join in a bit more. It's good to see him doing this because otherwise, well, their just seems to be no point to this whole situation. And he does recognise that I do most of the parenting around here, he said as much the other day.
So, he's getting more involved in controlling our son's behaviour, which can be a challenge at the best of times - so he wasn't feeling great when I brought up the subject of our daughter looking like she's going to need her own room, which was a follow on from the "they are now taking separate showers" conversation.
2 sentences into that conversation, the baggage comes out and he starts telling me how 'extreme' I am and I guess it seemed that way - first we're talking showers, then complete bedroom overhauls, but what is really upsetting is how soon he makes this assumption. I had no chance to give him context, no chance to explain. So we both got shitty until after I'd put the kids to bed (he ended up walking out, no screaming or cross words, we just stopped talking because we knew where we were headed), then I just HAD to talk it out, or risk a meltdown.
We talked about it, I told him what I thought, he told me and we agreed that maybe today wasn't a good day to bring it up given the effect our son's behaviour has on him. So it was all settled amicably and a crisis was averted.
Which is a very good thing, because on Thursday, we have to go to KL and back to renew my daughter's passport - that's 6 hours in the car together - so we need to be on some sort of level of civility.
Wish me luck. I HAVE to get everything right on this day. Check, check and double check because mistakes made will be expensive.
On another completely unrelated topic, I looked at this pic today on the front of the Age, online and thought it was Martina Navratilova visiting the foot. Apparently it's some footballer or coach - I don't follow football at all - now tell me how smart you think I am!! Ha!
Hugs.
9 comments:
Mark Thompson premier winning coach and ex Essendon Captain was once an electrician who (and this is my claim to fame) I once employed.
His brother Steve owns “Bomber Electrics” and be assured, when I see his brother next I will tell him about the photo and his uncanny resemblance to Martina.
What I find interesting is that Mark never seemed to resort to the same foul, boorish language that the other football and trade staff relied on to express themselves.
An interesting partial quotation is “The truth is that a new generation of boors has come of age without a previous generation of sober, wise people to have taught them how to act.”
With Mark who now exists in a world otherwise surrounded by foul mouthed buffoons epitomises class.
Now having disposed of the funny side of life in your post I will pass comment on part of your post.
Check your posts and emails it is not 18 months, it is over 2 years.
With you now existing in a world surrounded by emotional difficulties I see you as exhibiting class not BPD. You are entitled to get upset occasionally.
Best wishes from Oz and I am sure Martina.
Mr Scorpio beat me to it. But he didn't tell the whole story about Bomber Thompson.
He is coach of the Geelong Cats, my team, who might get to the grand final again this year, and might win it.
Note the careful use of "might." Other Cats fans will know why I am being so conservative... Too many disappointments.
And yay you. I never thought you had BPD. It's just called "normal and difficult relationhip stuff."
HOWEVER it has been extreme, we should be careful about down-playing what you've been through. When there are stresses in a relationship such as you've experienced, things can get beyond normal and people react and counter-react and it turns into a big mess. Credit to both of you for being able to wind it all back and co-exist as you are now, in relative peace.
And be careful of the steroid cream - it's a marvel yes but steroids are not good for you...
Love Mama Melba xxx
Wow Mr Scopio and Melba are right on the Ball this week. And my father inlaw the geelong footbal club president might find it a bit offensive to have his premiership coach likened to Ms Navratalova (even if i do tend to see the resemblance) all i can say is he looks different in real life.
And as the father inlaw is fond of saying
GO YOU CATS
Got tickets to watch the cats flay the Pies this saturday night.
Hugs
PS And as you have and everyone else has figured out, that normal life in most relationships. BPD is just an excuse so we can misbehave now and then.
Darned Cat supporters turning this blog into a football web site.
Bunch of whingers, if it was not for the talented players, clever coach and stable financial management you would have nothing!
Hang on I might need to rethink that last paragraph.
Go Blues.
Well well well. Footy rears its gorgeously divisive head on this here blog!
Peter, you are my new best friend, are you really married to Costa's daughter? You are my father's new best friend as well, we will fight over you.
Oh, many a tale to be told re the Cats of old, including a pregnant me being blessed by Gary Senior during a book signing, and Dad having his glasses smashed into his face and cutting him by a perfectly-placed warm-up kick, again courtesy of Gary Snr down at Kardinia Park. Dad's laugh being mentioned by John Harms in a news article of a game at Princes Park. And then in another article referring to him as the Right Reverend Doctor A------.
PS I gave up tickets to the game this week. Married to a Pies fan, and he with two Pies kin.
I would rather watch my boys do them from the comfort of my own lounge.
But even being that confident makes me noi-verse.
Melbs, he really is married to Costa's daughter and he's a very lucky man - she's lovely.
I never thought I'd see footy talk on my blog. Goes to show anything can happen.
And thanks for the nice comments, yet again, people. On this blog, I positively feel good because of the perspective you give and the comments you make. I was telling my friend, there are two places I feel normal - in her company and here on this blog (and when I am home of course.)
Pete, didn't mean to offend anyone! :) When I saw the picture, my first comment to myself was "Is that Martina... at the footy?" Then realised of course it wasn't!
Go the Cats! I studied in Geelong so I'll support them. Can't stand Collingwood.
Hugs.
X
Nobody can stand Collingwood, except those that go for them.
It is contracted in stone. The 11th commandment, in fact.
LOL Melba. I wonder what it is about them that makes people hate them so much?
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