KL Day 2 and then some

Day 2 in KL went OK. We had wanted to see Avatar in 3D, which was still playing so while the kids went with ex to walk around, I went up to the cinema and to buy some tickets. I got up there, looked around and thought "we were not meant to see this movie". I'm not kidding, the line for tickets must have been 200 people long and tickets were 'selling fast'. It was going to take me an hour or more of standing in line to get near the ticket counter and there was no guarantee that there would be any tickets left anyway. For a minute, I didn't know what to do... really. I'm still so used to ex coming in and second guessing me that making a decision, even one as obvious as this one, is still rife with uncertainty. I literally had to talk myself into taking action, all the while knowing how stupid all this sounds. Anyway, I rang ex, told him we had to change our plans and to meet me at the kids playground. We booked the kids into the SPACE STATION playground (RM20 per kid, plus RM4 for socks). After they were taken care of, we looked at each other awkwardly, planned a time to meet and went our separate ways. I could hear him thinking 'why?' on so many levels - why didn't she get the tickets last night? (cos the same amount of people were at the ticket counter), why didn't she try to buy them online (I did, but their online ticket purchase wasn't working) - why, why, why? While he may have been thinking this (and I know he did, he told me later), he didn't say anything because he thinks it will tip me over the edge towards a meltdown - and it might because I'm still so sensitive to the things he says to me (less so now but it's still there).

So anyway, the day worked out better, I think. The kids played, I went to Cold Storage and bought 8 packets of lovely meat and chicken and two bags of ice which I stored in the esky in the car, and we all met for lunch an hour and a half later. Lunch was nice - fried rice at some Malacca-inspired restaurant and then we drove home.

Later that night, I went into ex to tell him what was behind the decision to cancel the movie and he told me that it wasn't on his radar and that he had other things on his mind. OK, I shouldn't even be here I said and walked out.

Next day, ex came in told me about the 'other things' that were on his mind. I always get uneasy when he comes in, shuts the door and says "I need to talk to you". It practically induces a panic attack. What he told me next just floored me, but it probably won't have the same effect on you reading about it.

Ex and his best friend were collaborating to do Segamat.com together. When ex gets enthusiastic about something, he goes at it, guns blazing. The other guy, who also runs a business of his own, was having trouble keeping up. So they had a meeting. The other guy said he was feeling guilty that he couldn't keep up and ex agreed and was wanting to propose a different arrangement. Ex came away from the meeting thinking they'd made an arrangement for him to just do what he could and get some commission from it.

So we got back from KL and ex was trying to contact this guy who then told him how angry he was that ex was trying to push him out of the project. Ex has tried to explain that this wasn't the case and that he was just trying to make it easier for this guy, but to no avail. This guy has written back, telling ex not to contact him again! Just like that it seems, their friendship has come to an abrupt end. To say I was stunned is an understatement. I know this guy and liked him and was glad that ex had him as a friend. They shared a lot of things together - he with his stress and marriage problems, ex with his 'situation' and all those things he couldn't share with me. They were more than just drinking buddies.

If this were me, I'd be devastated and even ex said that if this had happened to him a few months ago he would have been too. Now though, he seems to be coping with it quite well, thanks to his new outlook on life (ie you can only live for the moment and be grateful for the little things). I don't know what kind of implications there will be for his project though. His friend knows a lot of people and when people are angry, there's no telling what will happen. The thing I can't get my head around is how this guy could just end their friendship just like that. Just goes to show, you never can tell what people will do or why. It's ironic, just the other day, I remember telling ex that he couldn't push his friend too hard because "you wouldn't want to lose the friendship over it" and there you go, he has. And all the while he was telling me this, he was saying how much of it reminded him of when we were working together. He pushed and pushed until we broke. He told his friend about that, about how he didn't want to push him too hard and that's why he wanted to make other arrangements, but the guy has taken it very badly. While I was sitting there listening to all of this, the paranoid me was asking myself "are you saying this is my fault? you're blaming me?" etc etc. And I absolutely know that this is not my fault. Thing is, ex can't figure out where he went wrong, but he is considering now that maybe he did something wrong. If I was a real bitch I tell him "you take yourself everywhere you go ex, you just need to look at your track record - you got some major bust-ups in your past, mate!". Maybe he needs to look at his people skills, no?

The best we can hope for in this situation is that the other guy was just having a bad day and he'll cool off and they can be friends again. But then, you never know, this is not the school playground and he may just have had other issues with ex that I don't know about and this was it for him. I hope it's the former. Ex was even saying that maybe this is the experience he (the other guy) needs to have or maybe he just snapped because of lots of other things in his life and couldn't take it anymore (he is a really stressed out guy who drinks and takes xanax almost daily, but a nice guy all the same).

Ex has decided that he's still going to go ahead with this project (segamat.com) and he's doing another site as well. But he's also realised that being depressed for the last 5 - 10 years, has done nothing to endear other people to trust him. Even his own brother doesn't trust him to make a go of it. His oldest told him he should move back to Melbourne and get a job as a programmer. It makes sense doesn't it? He could probably get a job, see his old girlfriend and have his own family nearby.

But he's out to prove himself and I have some faith that he can do it. I've seen him work - he's intelligent and can problem solve like no-one else I know. And he wants to now - that's a big thing in itself. He's finally climbed out of his own hole and is making a concerted effort with everything from the kids to the garden to how he can cope better with people when things don't go his way.

I'm standing back watching because as far as I can tell, I'm the only one standing by him, supporting him in what he wants to do.

One of the biggest differences that I notice between my people (including you who read this, my family and friends back home and here) and his people is that my people support me in whatever decision I have made, even when they don't agree. Ex's people are always fond of telling him what they think he should be doing and he's never really been asked "what do you want to do?" Then again, they don't know the whole story and he doesn't tell them. He's not like me - I tell my people stuff - not everything, but a good portion of it. And more importantly, my people ask me what I want and if I fail, they are still there - and I do truly appreciate and love you for it. Sadly, I'm not so sure that that is the case with ex's people. I hope I'm wrong. But I will be here. I have to be. I couldn't bear to see him fall down, never to get up again.