She's doing well

Mum is doing better, thank goodness. After spending two (?) days in ICU she's now out of there and into a ward, but still in the infectious diseases unit. All going to plan, she could be out in a week. I'd like to visit her in early April, which is not too far away. She'll be home, I can do things for her and we can spend long hours sitting and chatting together. I can cook and clean and give Dad a break. I can give her some emotional support and show her that she is important.

Here's what ex will say when I tell him
Ex: But I thought she was getting better?
Me: She is... but she's still very weak and I want to go see her. She needs me and I know my visit will make a difference to her, so I want to go.
Ex: Well, you know how you NEED things, how that urge is so strong...
Me: I do know, but I've thought about this and I think it's the right thing to do.
Ex: Well, you know what you want (said with a tinge of sarcasm)
Me: yep,
Me: walk away... have meltdown, recover and hopefully still book ticket.

Or, less likely, the conversation could go this way:
Me: I've decided to go visit mum for two weeks. I'd like to go early April
Ex: OK, just give me the dates and I'll drive you to the airport. Don't worry about the kids, they'll be fine - just write me a schedule because I don't know what it is.
Me: Thanks, that'd be great.
Me: No meltdown, go book ticket and pack.

Wouldn't the second conversation be wonderful? The first conversation is the more likely one though. There is always some element of doubt in his words that say to me "Are you sure you're doing the right thing, because I don't and I think you're wasting your time" - just that horrible doubt that he has is enough to send me over the edge. There's no trust in my judgement, no compassion in his words or feelings. To me, he doesn't seem to understand the value of emotional support at all. Oh well, I don't really need it from him anyway. I got you guys. :)

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Now all I have to do is to wait for her to get home. If she doesn't come home within the week, I'll still go at some stage. I'll organise a few things first though - get daughter back into morning routine and make sure ex knows what happens when. I'll need to write him a schedule and organise with my mum in law to cook for a few nights. I need to cancel my students and organise to replace some English classes that I'm teaching.

And that reminds me... this is my last year of teaching here. I'm stopping at the end of the year. Next year I need to focus on getting my head together and getting home. It sounds so soon doesn't it, but it's not. There's a lot of things to take care of, including the talk we have to have at the end of the year. That will not be fun.

Anyway, things are OK here. Thankyou for reading this little blog - you do mean a lot to me.