The dinner that followed ex's 'meltdown' went quite well really. We met up at Pizza Hut where the food was very ordinary but the atmosphere on our table was warm and friendly. The kids did really well. They were happy and chatty and all smiley. We got there first as ex had told us that he was going to be late and that we should order first. I was a little relieved because it meant I could order first and he wouldn't know how long I'd taken (he always says I order too slowly), and I'd be able to settle the kids first.
He arrived about 15 minutes after we did, sat down, looking happy and it went well. I was the only one to spill food and trip up on the walk back to the car, but he laughed at that instead of getting embarrassed which he has and still does. He seemed more relaxed and it was pleasant.
Going out for a family dinner usually means I'm stressed to the eyeballs, making sure I've got everything and that the kids behave themselves - which, by my standards, they almost always do, but by his, well, little things stress him out. But this time I wasn't. Him admitting that he's still in a mess, showing his vulnerability, always makes me stronger. It sounds bad that when he's down, I'm up because the reverse is also true - when he's up, happy and strong, I'm weaker and, I have to admit, intimidated. He just over powers me but expects me to keep up with him. With things being as they are, I've found it hard to change this aspect of our relationship and it's one of the contributing reasons as to why we are no longer good together and haven't been for a long time.
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Anyhoo, the weekend also saw me looking at ticket prices to go home at the end of the year. Air Asia, the budget airline here had a really good price - AUD 1580 for all three of us. That's a really good price, but then I read some online reviews and experiences from other people and I don't think I will risk it. If anything goes wrong, I won't be able to follow it up because their customer service is crap and I don't need that kind of stress on a long haul flight. I'll probably go QANTAS from Singapore, as they now have lower fares than Emirates. I'll just have to pray for a newish aircraft, as their older ones are not good. Last time I flew QANTAS, I had a fantastic flight but coming back, the queue to check in was two hours long. Ridiculous.
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I haven't gotten my malaysian credit card yet. Hopefully I'll be able to get it. If not, I will book via my travel agent and just have to pay a higher fare. I think if mum hadn't been sick, I'd consider not coming back now, because I know I'm coming back next year. But I've committed myself and I know the break will be good for me and the kids.
The other thing that is going to impact my finances (which is why I need a really low fare back home) is that I want to buy a car in Melbourne this year. There are a few reasons for this: mum's little car has finally died and if I go back, a second car will give us all more flexibility. Also, I'm going to need it as soon as I get back anyway and having a second car available for mum and dad during the year will be good for them as well. Their current car is an old Audi that used to belong to us, but it desperately needs to be traded in for a zippy little Japanese number that is easy to drive and cheapish to fix. I only want to spend about 3 - 4K on a car, but not sure if that's even realistic. I haven't bought my own car for the longest time and I want a biggish Japanese sedan, like an older Camry
So I'm currently considering whether I can really afford both and have some spending money while I'm there. I have some savings at home, and a bit extra, thanks to Kevin (Rudd). To purchase a car (with insurance) of about 4K and buy tickets (2.5K) will wipe out the amount from the government. I will then have to use some of the kids savings for spending money which I don't really want to do, as that is our emergency fund (medical, last resort if ex can't get access to cash).
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It's quiet, so quiet here now. It's cool and lovely. I went for a walk this morning with my Australian friend who will also be heading back this Summer. It's time now to get ready to do the school drop off, visit Nasom, come back, teach a class then go to Nasom again to meet someone or rather who wants to meet me (I don't know why). Then it's shopping and dinner and homework and sleep.
And then another day.
Thankyou for your hugs people. Hugs back to you.
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