On the weekend, it was "old souls day", a time for families to gather and remember those past. On Saturday we gathered at ex's brother's house and 'prayed' to their father who passed away about 5 years ago. The day consisted of ex's family trying to communicate with each other about who's coming at what time, where are we eating (a real 'thing' here and bone of contention), what time to pray and a few other things. In the end we all managed to find ourselves together at about 2 in the afternoon. The prayers, which I always think is going to take at least half an hour because we used to have to sit together and chant (it's a Buddhist thing), actually took less than a minute. Stand in front of the father's alter and tell him your wishes. Then at night, we 'sent some stuff to ex's father' - by way of burning small paper models of: a massage chair, a car, some shoes, toiletries, a gin rummy set and an LCD tv. It was like Christmas without all the wrapping paper and there was a big fire, which is not like Christmas at all actually. But it was fun like Christmas, even if Buddhists are not supposed to do this because it focuses on possessions.
The next day we all drove to the family home in Kluang, about an hour and a half away. We left at 6.30 to arrive at 8 am for breakfast. Tea, coffee, char sui pow, cake and biscuits. Once there, those who wanted to, went to the cemetery to clean up the grave site. I stayed back with my son, who'd been vomiting on and off since Friday night, and had a nap instead. When they got back, it was a trip to the local mall, lunch, showers, tea time and a reasonable trip home.
My brother in law's 14 year old son (W), spoiled the afternoon for us. Kids play together as they do, and he sees it as his role to bully and play them off against one another. He targets my son because he is sensitive and falls for whatever stupid trick or situation W is trying to create so that he can get his jollies off. I can't stand him and it took all I had not to strangle the little wise arse. The parents hear him but don't say anything. No-one of course, says anything. I can't say anything but I sometimes do because he messes with Yiethen's mind so badly. I ended up pulling my son out of the group and trying to tell him that he should ignore him or play along because W is only doing it to make him react. But to an 8 year old, it's only the feelings that matter and my song has a tough time getting past those, every single time. And I know how bad those feelings are for him, I've had them many times myself. Later in the day, W managed to make my daughter stumble and fall over a thorn bush, resulting in her legs being all scratched up. She was so angry with him, she told me not to talk to her unless I planned to tell her that she could thump him a good one. I wanted to let her, but then that's just stooping down to his fucking level, so we stayed in one of the bedrooms until we'd calmed down. I'm sure she wanted to hit him not just to avenge her own misfortune, but for her brother's as well.
I know when these things happen, the kids miss their cousins in Melbourne even more. In Melbourne, despite the tensions that exist between the parents, all our kids get on. They love each other's company and play well together. At least, that's what my memories tell me. There you go, another red flag that's telling me "go home"!
*
How can I refuse?
My birthday is coming up and I don't want it to. Not because I'm a year older but because ex is giving me a birthday present. An expensive one. An iPad. He said he thought I'd like to have something cool and we could all play with it, but that primarily it would be for me to use. I needed to do some research on what was the best choice - iPad 1, iPad 2 or a new CPU for my computer. At first, I wanted a new CPU - I can get one with all the bells and whistles for about RM1100. An iPad is about the same price. An iPad 2 is slightly more expensive and not even out here yet, but he said he could get one from Singapore.
OK, so I researched what I wanted, thinking about my own wants. I'm a practical person, not a gadget geek but I do like technology. I've had a couple of pda's in the past, but since then, I've only had a PC to use. I'd like an iPad, they're cool to use, they've got great apps - thinking cooking lessons right there in your kitchen, games, organizers, an e-reader which I've wanted for the longest time, music, video and you can watch movies on it. But it's not my most pressing need. I tried to tell ex that I wanted an ipad2 (slimmer and faster and it's got cameras) or I'd really like a new CPU because this one is getting crappier by the day.
In a way that only ex can do, he asked me again to consider what I was going to use it for. That translates to "wrong choice" - after all, he reiterated, I have an OK pc, wouldn't I like something diffferent? Again, think about what I could do.
Now I've never even held an iPad, though I've seen them around on tv and such, so I don't even know what I can do with one. I don't know the extent of what you can do with them, so I couldn't articulate an answer to his question. After further thought and more research, I told him I'd narrowed it down to an iPad 2 because they're thinner and faster. I don't like first generation gadgets because they usually have flaws in them - even the iPhone had a problem with the antenna or something. So I said iPad 2 - wrong again! He said I should consider that the 2 is not much different than the one. I was talking to him about it in the kitchen and seriously, I was in mid-conversation talking about an iPad 2 and he walked out and went to his room. I don't even know if he was aware that he was doing it. It was so classic ex. He doesn't hear the answer that he wants so he bows out.
My brother in law's 14 year old son (W), spoiled the afternoon for us. Kids play together as they do, and he sees it as his role to bully and play them off against one another. He targets my son because he is sensitive and falls for whatever stupid trick or situation W is trying to create so that he can get his jollies off. I can't stand him and it took all I had not to strangle the little wise arse. The parents hear him but don't say anything. No-one of course, says anything. I can't say anything but I sometimes do because he messes with Yiethen's mind so badly. I ended up pulling my son out of the group and trying to tell him that he should ignore him or play along because W is only doing it to make him react. But to an 8 year old, it's only the feelings that matter and my song has a tough time getting past those, every single time. And I know how bad those feelings are for him, I've had them many times myself. Later in the day, W managed to make my daughter stumble and fall over a thorn bush, resulting in her legs being all scratched up. She was so angry with him, she told me not to talk to her unless I planned to tell her that she could thump him a good one. I wanted to let her, but then that's just stooping down to his fucking level, so we stayed in one of the bedrooms until we'd calmed down. I'm sure she wanted to hit him not just to avenge her own misfortune, but for her brother's as well.
I know when these things happen, the kids miss their cousins in Melbourne even more. In Melbourne, despite the tensions that exist between the parents, all our kids get on. They love each other's company and play well together. At least, that's what my memories tell me. There you go, another red flag that's telling me "go home"!
*
How can I refuse?
My birthday is coming up and I don't want it to. Not because I'm a year older but because ex is giving me a birthday present. An expensive one. An iPad. He said he thought I'd like to have something cool and we could all play with it, but that primarily it would be for me to use. I needed to do some research on what was the best choice - iPad 1, iPad 2 or a new CPU for my computer. At first, I wanted a new CPU - I can get one with all the bells and whistles for about RM1100. An iPad is about the same price. An iPad 2 is slightly more expensive and not even out here yet, but he said he could get one from Singapore.
OK, so I researched what I wanted, thinking about my own wants. I'm a practical person, not a gadget geek but I do like technology. I've had a couple of pda's in the past, but since then, I've only had a PC to use. I'd like an iPad, they're cool to use, they've got great apps - thinking cooking lessons right there in your kitchen, games, organizers, an e-reader which I've wanted for the longest time, music, video and you can watch movies on it. But it's not my most pressing need. I tried to tell ex that I wanted an ipad2 (slimmer and faster and it's got cameras) or I'd really like a new CPU because this one is getting crappier by the day.
In a way that only ex can do, he asked me again to consider what I was going to use it for. That translates to "wrong choice" - after all, he reiterated, I have an OK pc, wouldn't I like something diffferent? Again, think about what I could do.
Now I've never even held an iPad, though I've seen them around on tv and such, so I don't even know what I can do with one. I don't know the extent of what you can do with them, so I couldn't articulate an answer to his question. After further thought and more research, I told him I'd narrowed it down to an iPad 2 because they're thinner and faster. I don't like first generation gadgets because they usually have flaws in them - even the iPhone had a problem with the antenna or something. So I said iPad 2 - wrong again! He said I should consider that the 2 is not much different than the one. I was talking to him about it in the kitchen and seriously, I was in mid-conversation talking about an iPad 2 and he walked out and went to his room. I don't even know if he was aware that he was doing it. It was so classic ex. He doesn't hear the answer that he wants so he bows out.
The correct answer is "An iPad 1 would be a good introduction tablet for me and the kids and we can use all the apps and have fun with the games too!" Once I'd said that, we got talking about the things i could use it for - browsing and writing when the kids are using my computer, cooking apps and games and all sorts of useful things that are supposed to give me a better life - or buy me into wanting to stay here a little longer. That's what mum thinks he's doing - giving me stuff so I'll stay, messing with my mind. I don't know what his motive is. Maybe he just wants this last year to be better than the last two years. Maybe he is doing what mum says, in a round about way. He hasn't said why he wants to buy me this thing - it's not a hint, as some people have suggested (not here) that he wants to get back together. Maybe he just wants this thing and he's using me as an excuse to get one. Even if he doesn't admit it, that's the most likely scenario.
And no, I don't know where the money is coming from, but it's his money and I can't tell him how to spend it. If it were me and I was in his situation, I wouldn't be spending that amount on a gadget. If I wanted to be nice to me, I'd get me the Adam Lambert Glam Nation DVD and CD with accompanying fan club membership, upgraded to Glitter status.
That's what I'd get me.
Cheers
3 comments:
By the time you open this you will be just that little bit older (old).
Can you feel the back pain yet?
I know that your knees must surely be a little unsteady.
Still here is the start of what is to come and I should know!
There's quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,
And life doesn't begin at 40 (44). That's a big fat lie.
My hair's getting thinner, my body is not;
The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.
I smell of Vick's-Vapo-Rub, not Chanel # 5;
My new pacemaker's all that keeps me alive.
When asked of my past, every detail I'll know,
But what was I doing 10 minutes ago?
Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?
I'm off to read the obituary, like I do every day;
If my names not there, I'll once again start -
Perfecting the art of falling apart.
See you on the squash court again one day?
Happy Birthday
I felt like keeping them coming.
You know you're getting older when...
Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.
Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
Your children are beginning to go to school.
Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
You look forward to a dull evening.
Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
Your back goes out more than you do.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
Belated birthday greetings. Next year - just think - 45 IN AUSTRALIA :)
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