This is just going to be a ramble, I don't even know if it will make sense but I've just got to write down what we talked about before I forget.
I started by saying that I don't cope well when I don't know what's going on. I need to make plans or at least we need to talk about what might happen.
he said he that if I want to go now or next week I can and he won't stop me. He stopped short of saying "you and the kids" which means if I did come home next week, it would be with one child.
He told me if I fight him for it, he will let them go but I will end up paying for it because he will tell the kids the truth - that mummy won't let them stay here.
He stills thinks I just want what I want for myself. I can't use any issue to persuade him that life for the kids is better there than here.
He only wants what's best for the kids and what's best is... well he didn't say but I suspect it's along the lines of .... be raised by both parents or maybe just one... or stay here...or....
He told me his financial affairs are none of my business and if he wants to go into debt in order to support his family, that's his business. He knows of people who are a lot worse off.
He wants the kids two days a week - Tuesday and Sunday. I made a mistake here. I said I didn't want that and that my routine revolves around the kids.... he jumped on it and said it's unhealthy and by the way, what does that say about you - that you're nothing without the kids. BIG MISTAKE - I'm such an idiot. I had to relinquish so that he thinks that in fact, my world doesn't revolve around the kids - which actually it does, BECAUSE WE ARE HERE!
He said that he knows I want to go home at the end of the year so lets set a date. I said I wanted january - there's no school in Australia then anyway. The date can change, depending on what's said in future talks.
He said it's been difficult to be around me since I did my arm in February- that I've been moody, difficult and sour-faced. It's the same situation all over again where our realities are poles apart.
He says every night he comes home and makes it a point to be happy around the kids but I don't do this. Instead I show my face and it makes it difficult for him to be here. He sits out in the lounge, waiting for me to come out of my room and when I don't he goes out. I told him that I was sure that I was the last person he wanted to see which is why I'm keeping out of his way.
He said he takes full responsibility for how he feels about me - it's nothing personal, it's just his reaction to me is so bad and it's his fault not mine. I don't believe him because he says "you make me feel this way..." - that to me means it's my fault.
I contradicted myself twice, but don't remember what it was about.
He got angry at one point and then apologised for it - he had some nasty feelings from the past come up. I said it was fair enough.
His main point was that I would always just want what I want and I would spin situations around that to suit and get what I want.
He's tired of everything and doesn't have the strength to fight me anymore but if I force his hand I will get what I deserve when the kids backlash against me later on.
I'm so tired, but didn't get to say that.
He said that if he was messed up completely and didn't have any hope of supporting us, he'd gladly hand over the kids to me.
I made the point about how if I was to go, it wouldn't have to be cut and dried. I would make sure that we stayed here as long as possible, go, then come back mid term and again towards the end of the year. If that's what it takes for him to agree, then I will promise him that. Why can't the two countries be our homes. I certainly don't want to never see my friends again.
I'm not to say anything to anybody. I'm violating that point just by writing this.
Oddly enough, he said that he knows things about everyone that I know that could tear each family apart. I don't know who he's referring to. I took it that he was trying to illustrate the point of 'don't say anything to anybody' because you can't trust them.
The plan is now to sort through the options, see which ones are viable and then present the options to the kids. They will have a part in deciding what will happen. At the end of the year, or anytime in between I'm able to go home, but he can't guarantee that I will be able to take both kids. If I fight him for both kids now, he will make me pay by telling the kids his truth about me.
And that my friends is why I have to tread very, very carefully.
1 comment:
Emotional times without doubt.
I would think it fair to say that there are now some tangible issues for you to address now that the “discussion” has occurred.
To say that you should leave one child behind is beyond me. While I readily concede that it would be heartrending to lose a child in a separation (and worse to another country) I remain flummoxed that he could conceive separating the two kids.
Via Singapore of course he cannot stop you and the two children who are Australian citizens but I really believe that is not your ideal option and that somehow he has to agree that both children should not be separated.
• How do you steer any conversation where he agrees to the two children remaining?
• How would he tell the children that he wants one child over the other?
• Unfortunately I struggle with such young children having to make such an emotive call.
• It is highly likely that he would turn this issue around with the kids and say “mummy wants to leave and go home so one of you children should stay here with me”. Ok those may not be his words just the concept.
• Will your response be ????
This “discussion” is what you have been dreading I am sure, it had to happen though.
On behalf of those on the blog I am trusting all works out for you.
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