Could someone out there please just wave their frickin magic wand and get me the hell out of here! That or
If yiou've heard the whinges and rants and raves all before and like me you just can't stand it anymore, please click on one of the lovely links on the right and be inspired instead of being brought down here.
It's horrible here. On the verge of a complete and utter meltdown, the words here are not well written, inspiring, funny witty or even well punctuated. They are dirty, horrible upsetting, angry and toxic. They are unfair, selfish ego driven words that are caustic enough to take the lining off of your brain people, so please just for today, look away - i'm hideous.
Bad thoughts are snarling their way through my neuro pathways, infecting my karma, my movements and my words. I'm angry and wallowing in it like a fat pig in mud. I've taken felling sorry for myself to new heights and even allowed the tears to break through. The 'plan' i so confidently created a while back is in the toilet and will need retrieving.
All because one person is doing what he has to do to save his own sanity. He does not involve himself in conversation with me on any topic, unless i force him too. He doesn't ask questions, give comment, be polite or reciprocate, because if he does, i may lose myself and snap at him. I admit it, sometimes i'm rude, blunt, brusque, tactless, clumsy with words, confusing and inarticulate. I snap, I waiver, i only think from one point of view, i'm timid and on top of that i'm fat and put out a face that loks like death warmed up and he can't stand to look at me.
But i'm human too. i deserve forgiveness. I'm not a bad person and i'm doing my best under some very difficult circumstances. He is too, i really get that. But when he fails or does something completely annoying, i step back and understand. I try to make it better for him,
Not finished yet...back later
4 comments:
Jo you have that magic wand.
I guess this is the start of the end.
It is only going to get more difficult on a number of levels as the departure time for you and both children approaches.
Once you are here it will be easier for you and strange for the children.
It is possible that I speak for nearly everyone when I say I am amazed that you have coped so well.
Stay focused on your goal and remember that the difficult years are gone.
The short time remaining need not destroy you, you just keep planning and the blessed things like no adult to talk to in the house about these things confirms the need to leave with both children.
Plan, focus and stay calm.
Best from all here.
Thankyou on so many levels Mr S. I will plan, focus and stay calm. It would be foolish of me to let all that i've leanred g to waste at te last minute.
This will pass.
It will pass Jo as it has done before. Keep calm and ordered in your plans. If it gets overwhelming, just stop and breathe.
Take care
xxx
So?
What is your plan?
With anyone over there that knows your situation, knows that you have children and I repeat really knows the situation saying "GET OUT WITH THE KIDS" I am simply asking about your plan complete with a time frame?
You are virtually over the Xanax, you are not in any doubt as to your relationship, work here is available, ex can visit you here so.......?
On one side you put a positive for staying and on the other you put the huge list of reasons for starting a new life.
Best to all
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