So asked Mr. S in the last comment. What's the plan? The plan is to continue talking and push to bring the kids back home. That's what i want, it's what i think is best for their future, despite the fact that their father won't be there with them. He can visit, they can visit him. And while they won't see him every day of their lives, they can keep in touch by phone, skype, facebook, whatever.
The plan hasn't changed. My goals have not changed. I'm just sad for my kids that the future will be sad for them but i will do whatever i have to to get them though it.
I need to be home. My instinct is telling me i need to be home and i believe that within six months, i will be. Did i say six months? I meant five.
I have it on good authority that you should trust your instincts. If the worse should happen and the kids want to stay here, well, i will stay too, but not in this situation. I will ask ex to move out to the offic or i will move or something within our situation will change, because i've come to the end of my patience for living like this.
The update from last monday... Well i obviously got over the shitty feelings, as i always do. It passes. I've been reading a lot about gratitude and on that day, when my kids came home from school, i was grateful to have them and i showed them. I spent time with them, i keep my impatience in check and we laughed and played instead.
If ex needs to do this, and by this i mean refrain from talking to me, then that's what he needs to do. I do it too. I avoid him, i talk to my frineds so i don't feel the need to talk to him so much, i go to my lame-o dance lessons not because i love to dance but because it gets me out of the house and for a few hours i don't think about my kids, my home life or anything related to this situation.
So by Tuesday, i was fine. I spent the morning in my own company at home. After a quiet breakfast and a short snooze i got prepared for my new babies playgroup. Three mum's have asked me to take their little 2 year old girls for an hour on a Tuesday morning and i have reluctantly agreed to do so. It's extra pocket money that i'm saving for my ticket home. It wasn't a huge success because one of the babies started crying ( as they do) because she missed her mummy (as they do). Anyway, we'll see how that little caper goes. Later on in the day, i was teaching and after the kids came home from school, i took them swimming, which tired them out so that they didn't have enough energy to play basketball with ex. I hope he doesn't think i did that on purpose, i didn't, though it will be interesting to see if he does. It's been the usual since then, though tonight i have requested that we continue our talks. I find that i need about a week in between talks to really think about and process what has been said.
So here we are. Both kid's birthdays are coming up and i'm a little stressed about it. Ex wants the family to come and i don't really because honestly, we never see them and they don't seem to give a damn about us anyway. Last year i invited them along to share some cake and they said yes, they'd come and then didn't turn up.
Dance class is going really well. I'm actually making some progress in that i can remember a sequence of steps and have some chance of remembering the whole dance, as long as a get enough instruction. I tell you, alvin has the patience of a saint, but he doesn't seem to mind that i don't get it straight away. I like to watch him dance because he's so uninhibited and he knows it so he doesn't mind demonstrating at all. He's great to watch because he has so much fun doing it.
The four of us are getting along quite well now. This week he told me the story of when he was in Perth and he was walking around and thought he'd rest awhile in a bar. He thought it was safe because it was next to a police station (lol) and the bar in question turned out to be a gay bar and when the guys in therentried to hit on him, he went all shy and told them he didn't speak English. I laughed. Such a cute story and yeah right, he didn't know it was a gay bar. So funny. I wonder if he'll actually come out one day.
anyway, it's time to start cooking dinner even tough i don't feel like it at all.
I will post again this week,got to journal the upcoming talk.
Hope you are all well.
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