With 6 days to go, i can't believe i'm still dealing with this homework bullshit. Daughter has opted to go back to school for three days to see her friends and say goodbye. The only thing is that if she goes to school, she has to complete the homework. So here we sit, 9 fucking 30, still doing fucking homework because daughter couldn't concentrate during the holidays. I'm not mad at her, it's not her fault. Rather that she has to cope with a system that is rigid and doesn't give the kids any breathing space in the event of something traumatic happenig, such as our situation. On the other hand, she's angry with herself because she has, as is common, left it all til the very last minute. No matter how many times i tell her, she never manages to finish it until late at night. In this respect, I'm so glad we're headed home.
It shits me to no end and i can't wait til it's over. The only reason I'm letting her go is that i want her to be able to say goodbye, instead of just wrenching her away. Son has chosen not to go and seems ok with it. He's not that concerned with friends and such and the good friend that he did have seems to have drifted away.
The past two days have been up and down. Tickets are printed, ex and i are barely talking because we can't seem to even communicate on any sort of level. We misinterpret, mis-hear and miss everything else in between. It's awful. Something as simple as "i need the car" easily becomes a catapult for a "misunderstanding" and ex keeps saying that he can't say anything and so says nothing and i end up UNDERSTANDING EVEN LESS, IF THAT IS EVEN FUCKING POSSIBLE.
He has said that if he gets too stressed he will stay away for the whole week while i pack. I've told him it's not necessary but it would make things a lot easier if he did. Still, i don't want him too. The kids need him for these last few days.
This morning we informed the school principal of our situation. She wondered out loud what protocol needs to be followed. I told her the decision had been mutual but she told informed me that she would still need to ring the father to confirm the facts. I guess they have to be careful.
When i got home after seing the school and going for my walk I spoke to ex and told him that the Principal would be contacting him. He didn't sound happy and told me she already had. Of course my mind was in a flurry, thinking "what did I do now?". I asked him to tell me what she'd said but instead he said "i think it would be better if you told me what you said first" so i did. I kept my conversation with the principal simple. We'd decided that i would go back to Australia, the father would not follow, the children would come with me. So, you're separating she asked. I confirmed yes, we were. No details, no drama.
When i got to talking to ex next, i got the impression that he thought I'd made a big production out of this whole thing. I hadn't and told him what i'd said. Then he had to write a letter of permission so that i can take them out of school here. That done, he went to see the principal and told me i'll sort everything with the principal.
Since then, it's been pakcing and cleaning for me. Giving away things i have no use for, the kids old toys, my books. We've elected to keepm some of the kids books and have filled three boxes. Not sure if i can post them over or if they'll be too heavy. As it is, i have 4 boxes i want to send to myself which will cost about RM300 which, ifnyou convert it, is not too bad.
This morning my friends took me for eat roti canai. Ex's mum has been cooking for us at night which is really nice of her. She told me not to cook this week and i don't have the energy or inclination to be polite and argue about it so i'm just going with the flow. The kids have noticed that usually, we hardly see ex's family but just when we are about to leave, we are seeing them nesrly every day. It's still only Tuesday so i have time to do some final packing and cleaning. Most stuff is packed with only clothing and personal effects to go. I. My mind i'm doing ok, but that may change.
Mr S asked about the blog. It will stop. I may start another blog later, but im not sure that i'll have much of anything to say after my life has become "normal". The thing that made this blog what it was, was the situation i was in. And now that Mr S is living 5 minutes away, i don't think i'll need s blog. I can just go to his place rant to him instead. :) not that i want to spend my life ranting, you know, perhaps it might fbe more of a philosophical discussion about life, to which i will hsve much to contribute given now that i have lived a little bit more, learned a lot and may indeed have something to say.
I'll post one more time before i leave and probably once more after i get home to finish the story off and that will be that, on with my new life.
2 comments:
Hey Jo
It's a time of incredible stress for you all right at the moment. Just proceed a step at a time (day, hour, minute?) and also there will probably be a reaction from you and the kids when you actually get home and this all catches up with you. How long have you been living there? Don't be surprised if the kids are difficult and unsettled, etc. They will be missing their dad. Don't be surprised if you are incredibly FLAT or worse because you will be in a place and time where you can finally begin to process your experience in Malaysia from a different perspective. The denoument to this whole thing has kind of come rapidly and a lot more 'easily' than I guess I was expecting, and maybe you, so there may be a sense of anti-climax coming back to Australia. It won't be in the first week or even the first month, but once things settle there will be adjustments nevertheless.
Always available to talk and debrief Jo. I'm here for you.
Sad about the blog going but perhaps a new start is best. Would hate to think you'll be closer geographically but I'm not so connected to you. Blogs are wonderful for staying in touch like that.
xxxxx
Hey MG, you're so thoughtful, thanks. I am definitely taking things by the hour and trying not to stress out. I don't think it's quite hit us yet, what is happening and am expecting it to catch up with us once we're home. I've had a glimpse of how difficult the kids will be and it's not going to be pretty but I am prepared for whatever comes (I think).
We're in our 6 th year here, so it's a good chunk of our lives, especially for the kids, who have now lived most of their lives here.
Ill probably start another blog or two - one as a family keep in touch thing and a private one with a more personal perspective, like this one is. Writing has been good for me and i have you to thank for it. So thankyou, it's been a great journey.
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