End

This blog is ending here and now. To the father of my children, I'm sorry you found it. I get angry with you sometimes and vent my feelings here. These are not all of my thoughts about you though. The other times I thought good of you, appreciated you for who you were. You think I'm lying. I'm not. I needed this place to vent the thoughts I couldn't say to you, to get perspective on a situation that is, for both of us, very difficult. This is where the BPD went, for most of the time.

If I look at it through your eyes, they are nasty, stupid thoughts. They tell people I am a victim and you are the perpetrator. It is not true. I am the perpetrator, who has done wrong by you, who has destroyed you, who has taken away the essence of who you are. You deserve better. You are the one who has let me stay here, who has given me the chance to get better, who has been here for me and listened to me rave on and I betrayed you by writing hurtful things about you when you annoyed me or I got angry with you. You are not the cause of this, it is not your fault.

I am despicable. I didn't speak enough about the nice things you did. I know you can never forgive me now. I know you hate me. I would hate me too. This blog doesn't give you the credit you deserve and you deserve credit for being here and letting me be here.

I am truly sorry for all the misery and unhappiness I have caused you. I hope you find happiness in your life and peace that will restore the gentle and kind person you are.