Well, here I am again. In the middle of all that has been over the last few days, my computer crashed itself into oblivion and needed a little reformatting - if there ever is such a thing. Luckily for me I have the sense not to keep my data and my OS on the same hard disk so I didn't lose much of anything - at least I don't think so.
Ex and I are both recovering from the BPD spiral, as he calls it. I'm OK and my 'feelings' are back to normal. No, I do not want to get back with him and yes, I do want to be here to take care of the kids and let them be with their father. If you ask ex, it's the other way around - he's letting me be here to be with them - like I'm some mental patient, which I guess I look like when I spiral down. Every time I do this, I think it will push him over the edge and that will be it for me - kicked out, no kids. The panic about that always comes after, when it would be too late to do anything about it anyway. I do need to get control over this though, I just don't quite know how to.
So it's late, I'm OK again. Thankyou INC, Melba and Pete for thinking of me and helping me through this. I love you all for it. And Melba, I appreciate your straight-forward comments, really I do. Sometimes I just need to be told. Thankyou all again.
'Night.
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