It's been a messy week. The meltdown happened yesterday at precisely 7pm, an hour and a hlf before I had to go to teach English and I hadn't even cooked dinner yet. Everything just got too much. All the issues, bound together into one big mess inside my mind, just wanting to explode and yell and scream and get out of here. I took half a xanax and then asked ex to come in. Strange as it may sound, talking to him is the one thing that calms me almost immediately. Maybe it's the attention I percieve I'm getting, maybe it's the way he listens and offers advice. I don't know. He always keeps his emotional distance when he's doing this and he always shares part of what he's going through, I guess in the hope that I'll see I'm not the only one with problems. I call him in because it's all I've got. Only him, and it works every time. I never tell him the triggers because it's usually him or something he's done and I know better than anyone that "what he does" isn't the real issue anyway. It's the situation and the helplessness and the lack of control that's the issue. Things I can't change right now - when he asks the inevitable "What's wrong, is it something I've done?" I usually mumble "nothing, no everything, no, just the same shit", because it is shit. It's just my ego wanting to be a victim. I can't change the situation (yet), I can't change his feelings about me and I can't change him, so it's all just what I make of it. If I make it a big deal, it will be. If I make it a little thing, then that's what it is.
I've thought about going to KL for a few days, but really, what am I going to do there? And it feels like I'm running away, which I don't want to do. Maybe I do need a few days off but overall I don't think it will make much difference. I've just got to power on through and try to make things better for myself - and keep on doing the things that work - vitamins, exercise (been walking in the morning with kids), working, routine and getting enough sleep. Easier said than done, especially the exercise and I have been forgetting to take my vitamins.
My son's been really getting on my nerves, which doesn't help. It's like he's down here with me, in the spiral, though I don't want to label him. He's been forgetting things, he's temperamental, extra rude this week and is even more obsessed with the Wiggles, if that is even possible. This morning he romped in before 7 and without so much as a "good morning mummy" he launched into why the Wiggle had this guitar or played that guitar in that song. I'm very close to banning him from watching them at all because it's driving us all nuts (well, myself and Jilian, because ex doesn't spend enough time with him to notice), but if I ban him, it'll break his heart. He just LOVES them - their dances, their songs, Murray and his many guitars. I don't want to do that to him, but if it gets any worse, I won't have a choice.
There's so much to write, but I'm so tired. No xanax today but I was up early this morning taking Jilian to school - she now has Saturday tuition for 4 hours in the morning and has to be at school at 8am. Lovely! It's made Saturdays really busy because on top of that she also has a piano lesson and I teach my English class - which she is now missing out on because of this 'tuition'.
I really don't like the school system here but if I start whingeing about it, I'll never stop.
So I'll stop right here and wish you good night.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Seatbelts on, here we go
I don't even know how to write this anymore, not that it's anything special. I don't even know if I should, but the words need to come out.
Fuck gmail. gmail is so good that if you have a person on your list who also has gmail you can see if they're online... or if they are using webcam. Ex has gmail and is on my list and now he has a webcam. This week ex took back his web camera so he could use it. Of course he didn't tell me who for but I'm assuming it's...her. Who else would he bother to use webcam with. It makes me sick to the stomach, even though it shouldn't. It's like he's bringing her into the house, even though he's not. I bring up the worst possible scenario so that if I find out it's true, I can cope with it. It may sound stupid and it probably is, but it's what happens when I'm in this situation. If I was back home, living my own normal life, I wouldn't give a rats arse about what he does.
But I'm not home, I'm right here, keeping the house and myself together, working hard to earn money I shouldn't have to earn because he said "I'll take care of the finances" - and he's not. A water bill came in this week and it hasn't been paid for the last few months. We use about RM 7 (yes, 7, not 70) of water per month and this bill had a red notice attached. Red is never good in any language and I noticed the word 'potongan' which means cut. If this bill isn't paid in time, the water will get cut off. I think the total amount is less than RM 30, which is really piddly. How can you go out and drink when you have to put off paying a 30 dollar water bill. There's probably a reasonable explanation for it, but from where I'm standing, there's absolutely not, especially when he used to get on my back about paying bills late etc - oh, I could go on forever about that one.
Meanwhile, he looks so calm. If I was him, I'd be frantic. But he's always been that way - turmoil or even joy on the inside and you can never tell from the outside. That's why I didn't know that he was so miserable - or maybe it was more that I didn't want to know.
I (again) want to scream at him but for many more reasons than this. In a few days I'll be over all of it and focussed again. But I will always think that it's so unfair to ask me to stay here 'for the kids' when he spends a minimal amount of time with them, he's not earning enough and yet still somehow manages to act as though everything is normal (and on top of that, he's got a pretty reasonable life - the only negative thing in it is me).
That's the main trigger - that I'm doing my bit, he's not doing his (not that I should notice because if I ever ask him for money, he always gives it to me) and yet I still need to stay here. Fuck you, ex.
For now, I need to sleep and not tell him any of this because I need to stay stable. We're leaving for our holiday to Australia in 7 weeks, and now more than ever, I need to show that I'm stable, so that he doesn't think that I won't come back. If he thinks that, he won't let me take two kids. Only one will be able to come. Still if he says one can't come, I'm going to take action.
Xanax kicking in now - it even slows the typing down.
Note to self, when you wake in an hour, you'll be fine (and hungry cos you haven't eaten remember).
Fuck gmail. gmail is so good that if you have a person on your list who also has gmail you can see if they're online... or if they are using webcam. Ex has gmail and is on my list and now he has a webcam. This week ex took back his web camera so he could use it. Of course he didn't tell me who for but I'm assuming it's...her. Who else would he bother to use webcam with. It makes me sick to the stomach, even though it shouldn't. It's like he's bringing her into the house, even though he's not. I bring up the worst possible scenario so that if I find out it's true, I can cope with it. It may sound stupid and it probably is, but it's what happens when I'm in this situation. If I was back home, living my own normal life, I wouldn't give a rats arse about what he does.
But I'm not home, I'm right here, keeping the house and myself together, working hard to earn money I shouldn't have to earn because he said "I'll take care of the finances" - and he's not. A water bill came in this week and it hasn't been paid for the last few months. We use about RM 7 (yes, 7, not 70) of water per month and this bill had a red notice attached. Red is never good in any language and I noticed the word 'potongan' which means cut. If this bill isn't paid in time, the water will get cut off. I think the total amount is less than RM 30, which is really piddly. How can you go out and drink when you have to put off paying a 30 dollar water bill. There's probably a reasonable explanation for it, but from where I'm standing, there's absolutely not, especially when he used to get on my back about paying bills late etc - oh, I could go on forever about that one.
Meanwhile, he looks so calm. If I was him, I'd be frantic. But he's always been that way - turmoil or even joy on the inside and you can never tell from the outside. That's why I didn't know that he was so miserable - or maybe it was more that I didn't want to know.
I (again) want to scream at him but for many more reasons than this. In a few days I'll be over all of it and focussed again. But I will always think that it's so unfair to ask me to stay here 'for the kids' when he spends a minimal amount of time with them, he's not earning enough and yet still somehow manages to act as though everything is normal (and on top of that, he's got a pretty reasonable life - the only negative thing in it is me).
That's the main trigger - that I'm doing my bit, he's not doing his (not that I should notice because if I ever ask him for money, he always gives it to me) and yet I still need to stay here. Fuck you, ex.
For now, I need to sleep and not tell him any of this because I need to stay stable. We're leaving for our holiday to Australia in 7 weeks, and now more than ever, I need to show that I'm stable, so that he doesn't think that I won't come back. If he thinks that, he won't let me take two kids. Only one will be able to come. Still if he says one can't come, I'm going to take action.
Xanax kicking in now - it even slows the typing down.
Note to self, when you wake in an hour, you'll be fine (and hungry cos you haven't eaten remember).
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
So nice - ouch.
It's hurts so much when he's nice to me. And not especially nice, just ordinary nice. When he talks to me like a normal person, instead of like someone who's so obviously flawed. When he smiles or we laugh over something that the kids have done. It brings back lots of nice memories for me. Memories that he doesn't apparently have. It makes me want things I can't have. It makes me think that it might work out, if only... well, there are a ton of those. I feel really alone when he's nice because then the inevitable has to happen - he steps away and into his room and shuts the door. Away into his own life and out of mine. For some reason I just cannot comprehend, I miss him - those nice nights snuggled on the couch, the smiles and laughs together, the spas, watching Star Trek and The Sopranos and talking about the scenes we liked or our favourite lines, the car racing, the other stuff that couples do.... Eckhart Tolle says that past doesn't exist, it's only there because of the memories we create. And each of our memories are different. These memories don't exist for ex so maybe Tolle's right, maybe there is no past.
In the book, Mistakes Were Made... but not by me, the authors talk about how we can change our past memories to suit our current needs. If we need/ want to be a victim, we'll change our memories to suit that role and they will be negative, 'poor me' memories of horrible times. If like me, we want to lament what could have been, then those same memories can be converted to suit. Perhaps those things I remember didn't happen the way I think they did - or maybe they didn't happen at all.
And I do feel sorry for ex. He can't win either way. If he's neutral or acting horribly, I have a meltdown about how bad he is. Or if he's happy and nice, I have a meltdown because of what I perceive we've lost.
It's a no-win situation for anyone. I hate living in limbo, just hate it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to step out of my victim, poor me ego and go see my kids who always serve as a reminder about how great 'now' really is.
Sigh.
In the book, Mistakes Were Made... but not by me, the authors talk about how we can change our past memories to suit our current needs. If we need/ want to be a victim, we'll change our memories to suit that role and they will be negative, 'poor me' memories of horrible times. If like me, we want to lament what could have been, then those same memories can be converted to suit. Perhaps those things I remember didn't happen the way I think they did - or maybe they didn't happen at all.
And I do feel sorry for ex. He can't win either way. If he's neutral or acting horribly, I have a meltdown about how bad he is. Or if he's happy and nice, I have a meltdown because of what I perceive we've lost.
It's a no-win situation for anyone. I hate living in limbo, just hate it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to step out of my victim, poor me ego and go see my kids who always serve as a reminder about how great 'now' really is.
Sigh.
Things to do
1. Dust off suitcase and start putting in things I want to take back
2. Fill out forms in quadruplicate for daughter's education visa - must get forms off ex.
3. Ask school to write letter of acceptance for daughter's visa
4. Iron half a basket of clothing
5. Hangout the washing.
6. Make activity for English class - comprehension questions that relate to the "Concert program"
7. Burn another Adam Lambert and David Cook CD to play in car
8. Budget left over money for the rest of the month's groceries and petrol.
9. Tidy room - ask kids to remove toys.
10. Pay workcover bill
11. Ring mother
12. Ring sister
13. Top up phone
14. Plan and cook dinner for tonight
15. Tidy classroom and prepare paints for students today.
16.Go to the toilet - now would be good ;)
That's it for now. Not as exciting as your list Melba.
Only 7 weeks and 2 days to go.
2. Fill out forms in quadruplicate for daughter's education visa - must get forms off ex.
3. Ask school to write letter of acceptance for daughter's visa
4. Iron half a basket of clothing
5. Hangout the washing.
6. Make activity for English class - comprehension questions that relate to the "Concert program"
7. Burn another Adam Lambert and David Cook CD to play in car
8. Budget left over money for the rest of the month's groceries and petrol.
9. Tidy room - ask kids to remove toys.
10. Pay workcover bill
11. Ring mother
12. Ring sister
13. Top up phone
14. Plan and cook dinner for tonight
15. Tidy classroom and prepare paints for students today.
16.Go to the toilet - now would be good ;)
That's it for now. Not as exciting as your list Melba.
Only 7 weeks and 2 days to go.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
I've been waiting to write all week, but the time never seemed to be right, always had something else to do, been too tired, hot, shitty blah, blah. But now seems right. Ex is watching 'man tv' (band of brothers), the kids are doing homework, Adam Lambert's playing in the background.
It's again been a week of ups and downs, interspersed with longish periods of 'normality' - I suppose it's the same for anybody's life isn't it? It struck me this week, that when it comes time to leave this place, it will be difficult. For first few years here, everything has seemed so temporary, like I was going to leave any minute. But, now I've grown attached to the people here, the people in my normal life who see me as me, someone competent and normal, which is so different from how ex (still) sees me at times.
My friends here (and indeed, online) have really been a saving grace and I don't take that lightly. For the first two and a half years here, I felt conspicuously invisible - everyone noticed me but I didn't really say much to other people. Now though, I know whole families and I care about them. I adore their kids and those kids are in my thoughts even when they are not with me. I like the parents and sometimes we talk and laugh together. We get invited to people's places which is really something new for us. People aren't as afraid to speak to me as they were before - even the cashiers at Giant ask me how the children are and why am I shopping alone today. So much as I want to come home, leaving will be hard. On the other hand, as my girlfriend pointed out to me, I have many things to look forward to, whereas she is "stuck here in this god-forsaken town"
*
This week ex and I were talking about how we appear to our kids in the things we do. We were talking about having a clean house because the kids and I have taken to tidying up just before supper to make sure the house doesn't get too messy. Kids will do what we do we agreed, not what we say. My kids see me lying down a lot, ex pointed out to me. I nap in the afternoon, I lie down to watch tv and read, so yes, I am horizontal for a number of daylight hours, but so is he. In the evening, when the kids come home, he's almost always asleep and even sometimes in the afternoon as well. This is what I can't stand about him sometimes. He can be such a hypocrite. And as he was so deftly pointing this out to me, I gamely took the opportunity to tell him that the kids notice that he sleeps - a lot. He took it well and listened to what I had to say, which was refreshing for a change. I never usually feel comfortable telling him about his own behaviour - I never have, even though he's never had trouble telling me.
Tonight my poor son dropped the box of biscuits on the kitchen floor and couldn't come and ask me for help because he was worried I'd get very angry at him. I have been on edge this week and I still have those moments with the kids when I seemingly get angry for no reason. I wish I didn't have that underlying anger within because it's so destructive. I'm going to try harder to not get angry at them, even when they're driving me crazy, but I know it's not reasonable to expect no anger from me, but I will try. I don't want to create a situation with them where they feel they can't come to me because of how I'll react, which is actually what's already happening. It's small scale now, but as they get bigger, the mistakes they make will get bigger and I need to be there for them. I actually don't think my kids will have any trouble telling me how they see me - they do it already. In the words of my lovely son "mummy, you just get so angry sometimes I get scared". That sentence alone has more power for me than any of ex's observations, so I needn't worry.
*
I'm getting nervous about coming home. I don't worry that we won't be OK, we will. I want them to love Australia, so they'd like to return one day, but not so much that it impacts on the life that they have here. I'll just have to be careful about what I say and do as well. These are our eggshells that we need to tread on because this is a point that ex is quite sensitive about - he's even said as much.
I probably shouldn't think too much about it. This is where our ego's get us into trouble - making drama where there is none. We focus on the future and build up expectations and stories about the future and wonder if they will come true and feel disappointment when they don't.
Ex seems to be rattling me more than is usual these days. If he's in the kitchen, I have to go out or if he's watching tv I usually retreat to my room. I don't know what it is that's bothering me about him. I know he's under pressure to 'fix himself' and sort out himself so that he can work in a consistent manner. Some days, I wish he'd just apply for an outside job or something. That would solve it. He'd have to work. He'd be accountable to someone other than himself. Sure, he wouldn't be home as much, but really, we don't see him all that much anyway. To me, that's the best solution for him, but he doesn't see it that way (if he did, he'd do it). No, he's just going to keep slogging at what he's doing, which unfortunately isn't getting him very far. I wish he'd face up to his own reality - like I've had to.
And I have to go on, acting as though everything is normal and OK, which I don't think it is. And it kills me that he's not upfront about it. I don't know what I'd do if I was him. I don't even know if he sees it in the same way that I do. Maybe he sees it as just a temporary thing and that it's going to get better in the near future. I hope it does, because I need / want another car, but realistically, that's probably not going to happen.
All I can say here is, I'm glad I'm teaching (and getting paid for it).
It's again been a week of ups and downs, interspersed with longish periods of 'normality' - I suppose it's the same for anybody's life isn't it? It struck me this week, that when it comes time to leave this place, it will be difficult. For first few years here, everything has seemed so temporary, like I was going to leave any minute. But, now I've grown attached to the people here, the people in my normal life who see me as me, someone competent and normal, which is so different from how ex (still) sees me at times.
My friends here (and indeed, online) have really been a saving grace and I don't take that lightly. For the first two and a half years here, I felt conspicuously invisible - everyone noticed me but I didn't really say much to other people. Now though, I know whole families and I care about them. I adore their kids and those kids are in my thoughts even when they are not with me. I like the parents and sometimes we talk and laugh together. We get invited to people's places which is really something new for us. People aren't as afraid to speak to me as they were before - even the cashiers at Giant ask me how the children are and why am I shopping alone today. So much as I want to come home, leaving will be hard. On the other hand, as my girlfriend pointed out to me, I have many things to look forward to, whereas she is "stuck here in this god-forsaken town"
*
This week ex and I were talking about how we appear to our kids in the things we do. We were talking about having a clean house because the kids and I have taken to tidying up just before supper to make sure the house doesn't get too messy. Kids will do what we do we agreed, not what we say. My kids see me lying down a lot, ex pointed out to me. I nap in the afternoon, I lie down to watch tv and read, so yes, I am horizontal for a number of daylight hours, but so is he. In the evening, when the kids come home, he's almost always asleep and even sometimes in the afternoon as well. This is what I can't stand about him sometimes. He can be such a hypocrite. And as he was so deftly pointing this out to me, I gamely took the opportunity to tell him that the kids notice that he sleeps - a lot. He took it well and listened to what I had to say, which was refreshing for a change. I never usually feel comfortable telling him about his own behaviour - I never have, even though he's never had trouble telling me.
Tonight my poor son dropped the box of biscuits on the kitchen floor and couldn't come and ask me for help because he was worried I'd get very angry at him. I have been on edge this week and I still have those moments with the kids when I seemingly get angry for no reason. I wish I didn't have that underlying anger within because it's so destructive. I'm going to try harder to not get angry at them, even when they're driving me crazy, but I know it's not reasonable to expect no anger from me, but I will try. I don't want to create a situation with them where they feel they can't come to me because of how I'll react, which is actually what's already happening. It's small scale now, but as they get bigger, the mistakes they make will get bigger and I need to be there for them. I actually don't think my kids will have any trouble telling me how they see me - they do it already. In the words of my lovely son "mummy, you just get so angry sometimes I get scared". That sentence alone has more power for me than any of ex's observations, so I needn't worry.
*
I'm getting nervous about coming home. I don't worry that we won't be OK, we will. I want them to love Australia, so they'd like to return one day, but not so much that it impacts on the life that they have here. I'll just have to be careful about what I say and do as well. These are our eggshells that we need to tread on because this is a point that ex is quite sensitive about - he's even said as much.
I probably shouldn't think too much about it. This is where our ego's get us into trouble - making drama where there is none. We focus on the future and build up expectations and stories about the future and wonder if they will come true and feel disappointment when they don't.
Ex seems to be rattling me more than is usual these days. If he's in the kitchen, I have to go out or if he's watching tv I usually retreat to my room. I don't know what it is that's bothering me about him. I know he's under pressure to 'fix himself' and sort out himself so that he can work in a consistent manner. Some days, I wish he'd just apply for an outside job or something. That would solve it. He'd have to work. He'd be accountable to someone other than himself. Sure, he wouldn't be home as much, but really, we don't see him all that much anyway. To me, that's the best solution for him, but he doesn't see it that way (if he did, he'd do it). No, he's just going to keep slogging at what he's doing, which unfortunately isn't getting him very far. I wish he'd face up to his own reality - like I've had to.
And I have to go on, acting as though everything is normal and OK, which I don't think it is. And it kills me that he's not upfront about it. I don't know what I'd do if I was him. I don't even know if he sees it in the same way that I do. Maybe he sees it as just a temporary thing and that it's going to get better in the near future. I hope it does, because I need / want another car, but realistically, that's probably not going to happen.
All I can say here is, I'm glad I'm teaching (and getting paid for it).
Sunday, October 4, 2009
They sell strange things here
List on the supermarket wall (and my thoughts about it)
While waiting for ex the other day at the supermarket in JB, I happened to be reading this promotional list of goods, displayed in huge letters, on the supermarket wall. Let's play "which one of these things just doesn't belong here":
Butter (good, must get some)
Pudding (nice that they have that, but I don't need it)
Fruits Juice (grammar mistake, but what else can you expect, this is not KL)
Milk (great, definitely need that)
Yogurt (nice, might get some)
Cheese (wow they have the full range of necessary dairy products here, which is not always the case)
Pet drinks (??????????????????????)
What the hell are pet drinks and I wonder if I should be taking some home for my mother's dog to try...
Get a good night's sleep tonight, everybody needs it.
While waiting for ex the other day at the supermarket in JB, I happened to be reading this promotional list of goods, displayed in huge letters, on the supermarket wall. Let's play "which one of these things just doesn't belong here":
Butter (good, must get some)
Pudding (nice that they have that, but I don't need it)
Fruits Juice (grammar mistake, but what else can you expect, this is not KL)
Milk (great, definitely need that)
Yogurt (nice, might get some)
Cheese (wow they have the full range of necessary dairy products here, which is not always the case)
Pet drinks (??????????????????????)
What the hell are pet drinks and I wonder if I should be taking some home for my mother's dog to try...
Get a good night's sleep tonight, everybody needs it.
Friday, October 2, 2009
And yet more shopping malls
It's been a quiet stable week. Wednesday was a good, but tiring day. I'd asked Kim and her husband if they would let me tag along to KL should they go because I wanted to pick up Jilian's new passport in person and it would mean a day out of town for me.
I've been wanting to get away from the kids and have some time to myself, so I was happy and extremely grateful when they said that yes, they were going. We fixed the pick-up time for 9.30 and for the first time in ages, they arrived on time. They caught me so much by surprise that I wasn't actually ready when they arrived, so I had to scramble around for 10 or so minutes, double checking this and that, getting water and finding my glasses.
Having glasses to find is a new thing for me and I'm definitely not used to it. I take them off and forget that I should be wearing them and then wonder why, hours later, my eyes are killing me. And I need a new frame - the frame I've got now is so thin, it's just getting mangled from being used everyday.
The thing about going out with Kim and her husband is that the places we go are determined by what they want to eat. And they eat a lot. First stop was in town here for breakfast where they had noodles and a hot drink. I only had a cup of tea because I'd had my breakfast earlier.
Next stop, 3 hours later at Kuala Lumpur City Centre (underneath the Petronas Twin Towers) where I first went off by myself to pick up the passport (and yes, I was organised, made easy because I only had to produce one piece of paper). Then we met for lunch at a neat little cafe called The Lawn. It served Western food, so we ordered quiche (and had a quick English lesson on how to pronouce 'quiche' ie not kich), pita and dips and a slice of cheesecake, all of which we shared. After that, we found the car and proceeded to Pavillion, an upmarket shopping mall where their college-going daughter was participating in a kolam design activity. So we met up with her and went to eat again. This time is was more traditional Malaysian food - assam laksa (sour coconut soup), char kway teow (fried flat noodles) and nasi lemak (coconut rice served with sambal and curry chicken). I was so full by this time, I thought I'd never need to eat again. Indeed, even though we'd only stopped for 3 meals and I'd only eaten two of them, their focus on food was proving to be too much for my delicate little stomach. I felt full after just talking about what we were going to eat next.
Next we stopped at a gourmet supermarket which stocks everything from almost any country. There was my Australian halal, export grade minced beef, sitting there in all it's fresh, meaty goodness. It looked so good, but not having the esky with me, I couldn't buy any. So instead, I lashed out and bought some designer dark chocolate - and it was GOOD, really GOOD - so light and lovely and not too sweet - and a few other things that were too expensive and I could probably do without.
By this time, it was almost 6 and we had to high-tail it across town where Kim had her consultation with a weight-loss consultant (yes, I know, the irony of it all) after which we proceeded to another restaurant called Marmalade. This restaurant is The Lawn's (from above) big brother. Here, I was told, we were just stopping for afternoon tea, so don't order a meal. I tried not to roll my eyes and ordered a hot chocolate to accompany "the best carrot cake" they had ordered to share with me. The next stop was IKANO, another, smaller shopping mall that I know well because we used to live near here. I like this place because it has most things I need and more importantly, it's not too big. And the bookshop is big and full of all the latest English books. I bought another 2 Torey Hayden books which I find so inspiring in my line of work - her philosophy and teaching approach are similar to mine, though her work is much more intense and on a greater scale than mine. She's not too rigid in her programming, a little unconventional in her approach and I find that reading her 'memoirs', (stories of the kids she's taught) helps me in my own work, showing me how to think more outside the box.
So going to that place was worth the traffic jam it took to get there. And we didn't eat, thank god! When we left at 10.00pm I was feeling really drained and just wanted to go home. But, guess where we were headed now - that's right, it was dinner time. We ended up eating dim sum for dinner because I'd said I could only eat something really small and that eating chilli now was not doing myself any favours. So dim sum it was. Dim sum is called yum cha in Melbourne. You order little dishes of things like steamed pork and prawn rolls, steamed pork ribs and you eat it without the need for rice. It was good. The hot chinese tea was soothing and the hot dishes settled my stomach - I think I needed a good hot meal at that point without realising it and so it really hit the spot. After that , I felt OK again and we finally headed home - it was almost 11.
We arrived home at 1.30, tired and happy, me clutching the precious passport and my books (and bags and water and another bag and ...). Thankyou Kim and Wilson, for taking me with you and going to KLCC when you didn't really have to go there. I am, of course, grateful to have such wonderful friends.
A great day and not a meltdown in sight!
I've been wanting to get away from the kids and have some time to myself, so I was happy and extremely grateful when they said that yes, they were going. We fixed the pick-up time for 9.30 and for the first time in ages, they arrived on time. They caught me so much by surprise that I wasn't actually ready when they arrived, so I had to scramble around for 10 or so minutes, double checking this and that, getting water and finding my glasses.
Having glasses to find is a new thing for me and I'm definitely not used to it. I take them off and forget that I should be wearing them and then wonder why, hours later, my eyes are killing me. And I need a new frame - the frame I've got now is so thin, it's just getting mangled from being used everyday.
The thing about going out with Kim and her husband is that the places we go are determined by what they want to eat. And they eat a lot. First stop was in town here for breakfast where they had noodles and a hot drink. I only had a cup of tea because I'd had my breakfast earlier.
Next stop, 3 hours later at Kuala Lumpur City Centre (underneath the Petronas Twin Towers) where I first went off by myself to pick up the passport (and yes, I was organised, made easy because I only had to produce one piece of paper). Then we met for lunch at a neat little cafe called The Lawn. It served Western food, so we ordered quiche (and had a quick English lesson on how to pronouce 'quiche' ie not kich), pita and dips and a slice of cheesecake, all of which we shared. After that, we found the car and proceeded to Pavillion, an upmarket shopping mall where their college-going daughter was participating in a kolam design activity. So we met up with her and went to eat again. This time is was more traditional Malaysian food - assam laksa (sour coconut soup), char kway teow (fried flat noodles) and nasi lemak (coconut rice served with sambal and curry chicken). I was so full by this time, I thought I'd never need to eat again. Indeed, even though we'd only stopped for 3 meals and I'd only eaten two of them, their focus on food was proving to be too much for my delicate little stomach. I felt full after just talking about what we were going to eat next.
Next we stopped at a gourmet supermarket which stocks everything from almost any country. There was my Australian halal, export grade minced beef, sitting there in all it's fresh, meaty goodness. It looked so good, but not having the esky with me, I couldn't buy any. So instead, I lashed out and bought some designer dark chocolate - and it was GOOD, really GOOD - so light and lovely and not too sweet - and a few other things that were too expensive and I could probably do without.
By this time, it was almost 6 and we had to high-tail it across town where Kim had her consultation with a weight-loss consultant (yes, I know, the irony of it all) after which we proceeded to another restaurant called Marmalade. This restaurant is The Lawn's (from above) big brother. Here, I was told, we were just stopping for afternoon tea, so don't order a meal. I tried not to roll my eyes and ordered a hot chocolate to accompany "the best carrot cake" they had ordered to share with me. The next stop was IKANO, another, smaller shopping mall that I know well because we used to live near here. I like this place because it has most things I need and more importantly, it's not too big. And the bookshop is big and full of all the latest English books. I bought another 2 Torey Hayden books which I find so inspiring in my line of work - her philosophy and teaching approach are similar to mine, though her work is much more intense and on a greater scale than mine. She's not too rigid in her programming, a little unconventional in her approach and I find that reading her 'memoirs', (stories of the kids she's taught) helps me in my own work, showing me how to think more outside the box.
So going to that place was worth the traffic jam it took to get there. And we didn't eat, thank god! When we left at 10.00pm I was feeling really drained and just wanted to go home. But, guess where we were headed now - that's right, it was dinner time. We ended up eating dim sum for dinner because I'd said I could only eat something really small and that eating chilli now was not doing myself any favours. So dim sum it was. Dim sum is called yum cha in Melbourne. You order little dishes of things like steamed pork and prawn rolls, steamed pork ribs and you eat it without the need for rice. It was good. The hot chinese tea was soothing and the hot dishes settled my stomach - I think I needed a good hot meal at that point without realising it and so it really hit the spot. After that , I felt OK again and we finally headed home - it was almost 11.
We arrived home at 1.30, tired and happy, me clutching the precious passport and my books (and bags and water and another bag and ...). Thankyou Kim and Wilson, for taking me with you and going to KLCC when you didn't really have to go there. I am, of course, grateful to have such wonderful friends.
A great day and not a meltdown in sight!
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