8.50 this morning, my son comes rushing into my room, the urgency in his voice making me wake straight up and get out of bed. To hear this:
"Mum, come quick, come, on, come, please, the (pay tv) remote has run out of batteries."
Ugggh. I think my kids watch too much tv.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
I must have really traumatised him...
Today ex needed me to do something for him. He hates asking me to do stuff for him. He hates saying the words "I need you to do this for me...". He hates it because he thinks I won't be able to do it. In the past, I must have let him down many times.
The past on this issue is one of those unresolvable blurs of life where we remember things differently. I remember trying so hard to give him what I thought he was asking for and failing time and time again. I don't know if what he was asking me to do was reasonable or not. I just know I didn't do it.
For the past few years though, I have tried to do whatever he needs me to do. On time and thoroughly. So yesterdays obvious stress when he asked me to go to the bank and take care of a few things took me a little by surprise. Oh, but wait a minute, yes, that's right, I bailed out on helping him with the Chinese New Year decorations because I just couldn't take his criticism.
I actually don't know if this had anything to do with it, but I thought his obvious stress, compounded by his frustration with the bank, was a little over the top. But he's human and so he's allowed to get stressed.
The thing is, at the same time that he was asking me this, daughter came into the situation with her own stress about lost school equipment and ex started saying, well if you can't do this let me know and I'll deal with it. He said this at least 3 times in the space of a few minutes, all while daughter was having a panic attack about losing her pencil case (and of course, we were a few minutes from having to leave for school).
My point is, he'd given up on me being able to do this before I'd even had a chance to think. STOP PRE-EMPTING MY FAILURES, GODDAMIT. IT DOESN'T FUCKING HELP. I'M A CAPABLE PERSON, BUT YOUR EXPECTATION THAT I WILL FAIL OR LET YOU DOWN JUST ABOUT ENSURES THE VERY THING YOU WANT TO AVOID - FAILURE TO DO A TASK AND A COMPLETE MELTDOWN AFTERWARDS.
So I stopped him in his tracks. I ignored his stupid comments and dealt with my daughter first. In a rare moment of taking complete control, I said he should wait until I'd dealt with our daughter and that I would come and ask him what he needed from me before we left. I'd had enough of his whining about me being this and that and I just HATE it when he asks something of me and then wants to take it back. I can understand it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I needed to ignore his comments because, justified or not, they were not helping me and at the time, I remember thinking that he seemed like another child, vying for my attention along with the other children.
It felt good, telling him to wait and have him comply, whether he was OK with what I'd said or not. As soon as I'd told him, I was able to ignore his stress and get on with doing what needed to be done. I felt strong and in control.
After that, I took down a list of exactly what needed to be done and then went on my way. I dropped the kids at school, went to the bank, did all that needed to be done and then went to visit the autistic centre. When he called to check on my progress later, I was able to tell him that I was already finished and was on my way to the next thing.
I guess his expectations of me will never change, regardless of my efforts. It's something I have to accept, no matter how different I want it to be. I don't think that just because I got this one particular thing done, that it will change his expectations of me. I think they are hard-wired. He will always, ALWAYS, see doing things with me as difficult. I guess I can't blame him, when I think of all the times he's had to struggle with me to get things done, especially early on in our relationship.
But my question is, if my perspective of him can change after all these years, why can't his?
The past on this issue is one of those unresolvable blurs of life where we remember things differently. I remember trying so hard to give him what I thought he was asking for and failing time and time again. I don't know if what he was asking me to do was reasonable or not. I just know I didn't do it.
For the past few years though, I have tried to do whatever he needs me to do. On time and thoroughly. So yesterdays obvious stress when he asked me to go to the bank and take care of a few things took me a little by surprise. Oh, but wait a minute, yes, that's right, I bailed out on helping him with the Chinese New Year decorations because I just couldn't take his criticism.
I actually don't know if this had anything to do with it, but I thought his obvious stress, compounded by his frustration with the bank, was a little over the top. But he's human and so he's allowed to get stressed.
The thing is, at the same time that he was asking me this, daughter came into the situation with her own stress about lost school equipment and ex started saying, well if you can't do this let me know and I'll deal with it. He said this at least 3 times in the space of a few minutes, all while daughter was having a panic attack about losing her pencil case (and of course, we were a few minutes from having to leave for school).
My point is, he'd given up on me being able to do this before I'd even had a chance to think. STOP PRE-EMPTING MY FAILURES, GODDAMIT. IT DOESN'T FUCKING HELP. I'M A CAPABLE PERSON, BUT YOUR EXPECTATION THAT I WILL FAIL OR LET YOU DOWN JUST ABOUT ENSURES THE VERY THING YOU WANT TO AVOID - FAILURE TO DO A TASK AND A COMPLETE MELTDOWN AFTERWARDS.
So I stopped him in his tracks. I ignored his stupid comments and dealt with my daughter first. In a rare moment of taking complete control, I said he should wait until I'd dealt with our daughter and that I would come and ask him what he needed from me before we left. I'd had enough of his whining about me being this and that and I just HATE it when he asks something of me and then wants to take it back. I can understand it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I needed to ignore his comments because, justified or not, they were not helping me and at the time, I remember thinking that he seemed like another child, vying for my attention along with the other children.
It felt good, telling him to wait and have him comply, whether he was OK with what I'd said or not. As soon as I'd told him, I was able to ignore his stress and get on with doing what needed to be done. I felt strong and in control.
After that, I took down a list of exactly what needed to be done and then went on my way. I dropped the kids at school, went to the bank, did all that needed to be done and then went to visit the autistic centre. When he called to check on my progress later, I was able to tell him that I was already finished and was on my way to the next thing.
I guess his expectations of me will never change, regardless of my efforts. It's something I have to accept, no matter how different I want it to be. I don't think that just because I got this one particular thing done, that it will change his expectations of me. I think they are hard-wired. He will always, ALWAYS, see doing things with me as difficult. I guess I can't blame him, when I think of all the times he's had to struggle with me to get things done, especially early on in our relationship.
But my question is, if my perspective of him can change after all these years, why can't his?
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
3 hours
I've got 3 glorious hours to myself and while housework and ironing beckon, I don't think it's going to get done. Ex is out doing our son's visa, kids are at school, students don't arrive til 3.30 and I've got no car, so I can't go out. Gorgeous.
What to do? I can prepare a lesson for Thursday and Friday night's english classes. I can reproduce some colour picture symbols for the autistic centre, like I promised. I can work on my curriculum for my up-coming English class on Saturday mornings (4 confirmed students), I can blog, shower, tidy up, organise, read, nap, watch tv, eat, exercise, play games on my computer.
So many choices. How lucky am I?
What to do? I can prepare a lesson for Thursday and Friday night's english classes. I can reproduce some colour picture symbols for the autistic centre, like I promised. I can work on my curriculum for my up-coming English class on Saturday mornings (4 confirmed students), I can blog, shower, tidy up, organise, read, nap, watch tv, eat, exercise, play games on my computer.
So many choices. How lucky am I?
Monday, January 12, 2009
I feel like such a failure.
As far as my feeling go, I'm back at square one. For a very long time in our relationship, I felt like this huge failure, unable to handle the things that ex wanted, or felt like he had to say to me. To me, it felt like a constant stream of criticism, to him, it was just things that needed to be said. I don't know which one of us had the accurate perpective, and I don't care. Our past will be different to both of us, never reconciled.
Now as CNY looms not too far away, I find myself right back where I was all those years ago. I don't feel good enough, my efforts are not good enough. I can't seem to do anything right. It makes me nervous so I try harder and I make things worse. I stutter, say stupid things out of context (or so I'm told), I'm this and that and I do this and that, none of it good. He rolls his eyes and sighs and says he has to block it out. I just make his life worse. I'm left standing there, a huge blot on his life.
I feel like a child who hasn't lived up to her parents expectations. He asked me to help him with the chinese new year decorations - can you make some small ones out of the red packets so I can hang them up. I made some small lanterns, fish and shells. Easy stuff that anyone can do. I made a figure 8 that I'd seen on the internet. I thought it was OK. He sort of groaned when he saw it. He wants to light the lanterns with glow sticks - it's too hard to get the whole thing together the way he wants it. So I try to give him alternatives, try it this way, but then it won't do that blah, blah. He stuttered or mumbled like I was being so difficult and lay down on the couch and closed his eyes.
That was it for me. I left the room saying, I don't think I can do this for you, and almost dissolved into tears. It's so hard to do things for him and he says it's so hard to get me to do things for him. I never understand what he wants, though I try hard to. He can't seem to talk to me easily, what with the past baggage blocking the way. Most of the time he ends up telling me what I am, am not, what I do and don't do and my insides end up shredded. I can't be in the same room as him, when he's talking to me that way. I actually thought that I'd be able to handle it, but I was wrong - dead wrong. It took about 1 second after he started talking for me to feel like an inadequate, pathetic idiot - not that he used any of those words OR meant to make me feel that way. But I do.
I want to say to him, no! I don't want to help you because you know if I do, we'll fight, because I always do it the wrong way, or don't understand what you want. And I can't handle the things you say to me. I JUST CAN'T. So, please leave me be to stuff up my own life, to look after the kids, to make mistakes that don't affect you. Leave me alone, so I can do my own thing, with my own friends, who accept all my faults and who will ask questions of me if they don't understand what I'm talking about. Who won't tell me about how I speak or think or do things, to the point where I'm completely tangled and the only thing that calms me is a TRANQUILISER.
PLEASE DON'T ASK ME TO HELP YOU. I WANT TO, I'M OBLIGATED TO, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU'LL GET WHAT YOU WANT. AND IF YOU DON'T, THE COST IS TOO HIGH.
I'm just SO tired. and the 5 chocolates I've just eaten, aren't helping. That's life, I'll be back soon.
Now as CNY looms not too far away, I find myself right back where I was all those years ago. I don't feel good enough, my efforts are not good enough. I can't seem to do anything right. It makes me nervous so I try harder and I make things worse. I stutter, say stupid things out of context (or so I'm told), I'm this and that and I do this and that, none of it good. He rolls his eyes and sighs and says he has to block it out. I just make his life worse. I'm left standing there, a huge blot on his life.
I feel like a child who hasn't lived up to her parents expectations. He asked me to help him with the chinese new year decorations - can you make some small ones out of the red packets so I can hang them up. I made some small lanterns, fish and shells. Easy stuff that anyone can do. I made a figure 8 that I'd seen on the internet. I thought it was OK. He sort of groaned when he saw it. He wants to light the lanterns with glow sticks - it's too hard to get the whole thing together the way he wants it. So I try to give him alternatives, try it this way, but then it won't do that blah, blah. He stuttered or mumbled like I was being so difficult and lay down on the couch and closed his eyes.
That was it for me. I left the room saying, I don't think I can do this for you, and almost dissolved into tears. It's so hard to do things for him and he says it's so hard to get me to do things for him. I never understand what he wants, though I try hard to. He can't seem to talk to me easily, what with the past baggage blocking the way. Most of the time he ends up telling me what I am, am not, what I do and don't do and my insides end up shredded. I can't be in the same room as him, when he's talking to me that way. I actually thought that I'd be able to handle it, but I was wrong - dead wrong. It took about 1 second after he started talking for me to feel like an inadequate, pathetic idiot - not that he used any of those words OR meant to make me feel that way. But I do.
I want to say to him, no! I don't want to help you because you know if I do, we'll fight, because I always do it the wrong way, or don't understand what you want. And I can't handle the things you say to me. I JUST CAN'T. So, please leave me be to stuff up my own life, to look after the kids, to make mistakes that don't affect you. Leave me alone, so I can do my own thing, with my own friends, who accept all my faults and who will ask questions of me if they don't understand what I'm talking about. Who won't tell me about how I speak or think or do things, to the point where I'm completely tangled and the only thing that calms me is a TRANQUILISER.
PLEASE DON'T ASK ME TO HELP YOU. I WANT TO, I'M OBLIGATED TO, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU'LL GET WHAT YOU WANT. AND IF YOU DON'T, THE COST IS TOO HIGH.
I'm just SO tired. and the 5 chocolates I've just eaten, aren't helping. That's life, I'll be back soon.
Friday, January 9, 2009
On Shaky Ground
Well, the week has passed with no hiccups at school and all school related crisis' deftly avoided by a quick thinking parent - forgotten homework, lost pencils, broken stationary, bags that are too small and broke on the first day anyway, toothbrush, cup and small kiddie sized toothpaste needed - today, all dealt with. Tomorrow is the weekend, which I'm looking forward to and I don't want to go to work tonight, but I know I will be better off for it.
This week I've also been inclined to stay indoors, not venture out much, just stay home and rest or do some housework. I don't want to be out there, I just don't, but I know I need to be. I did want to take son to school and to be there for him, but for the rest of it, I didn't really care.
Talking to ex is hard again. I've become more defensive, which makes what he says difficult to hear. I don't know why I've become defensive and agitated, but I have. You know that feeling where you think you need, have a right, to stick up for yourself and yet, you can't? I have that feeling and it's getting me down.
At Christmas I am coming back to Australia. I want to come for at least 4 weeks. Ex doesnt' want me to go for any more than 3. It doesn't seem that there's much difference between the two, but there is and I want my way. Damn it. I deserve it. The kids want it. Why CAN'T we have what we want, it's not that much?
I'll tell you why. Because going home is always an emotional minefield and he wants to keep things on an even keel. When I came home last time, I was a mess for about 3 weeks. He knows it's fraught with danger and he doesn't think I'll handle it well. And, he's afraid the whole trip will turn into an Australia vs Malaysia slanging match. ie Australia is better (and it is) and that after the trip, all three of us will be miserable. And if I play up that Australia is better, that we would be happier there,we will be (miserable). So I won't (and don't) do that. It doesn't help.
I have to emphasise that our life here is good, that we get to do things here that we wouldn't get to do in Australia, despite my feelings that our life in oz would be better. A friend emphasised that fact that here, they have their father and in Oz, they wouldn't. That's a huge difference. And it's the one single difference that makes it imperative that we stay here - for a while anyway.
When I read this back, I find myself wanting ex to come back with us, not for me or us, but for them. Single parenting is difficult. I've seen it etched on the faces of single mums around where I live, I saw how hard it was for friends and some relatives. Co-parenting is not ideal, but it's better than not having the father around at all.
Thinking and writing about the future, I find again that I'm at a point where I have to really make the effort to live in the now and to do that, I've got to virtually dismiss the future - that is, not invest any thoughts in it at all.
That might seem a little drastic, but it's necessary. Living in the present affords us all mindspace - it gives you space to concentrate on the now. The future will take care of itself, it really will. Though we can influence it to a certain degree, we can't predict what will happen. So there's no point speculating on what may or may not happen. Living for now, we can focus and give our all to those things that need our full attention - our kids, the next meal, our jobs, helping other people who are worse off.
That's what I need to do, so away with you ego, let me do what I need to do!
This week I've also been inclined to stay indoors, not venture out much, just stay home and rest or do some housework. I don't want to be out there, I just don't, but I know I need to be. I did want to take son to school and to be there for him, but for the rest of it, I didn't really care.
Talking to ex is hard again. I've become more defensive, which makes what he says difficult to hear. I don't know why I've become defensive and agitated, but I have. You know that feeling where you think you need, have a right, to stick up for yourself and yet, you can't? I have that feeling and it's getting me down.
At Christmas I am coming back to Australia. I want to come for at least 4 weeks. Ex doesnt' want me to go for any more than 3. It doesn't seem that there's much difference between the two, but there is and I want my way. Damn it. I deserve it. The kids want it. Why CAN'T we have what we want, it's not that much?
I'll tell you why. Because going home is always an emotional minefield and he wants to keep things on an even keel. When I came home last time, I was a mess for about 3 weeks. He knows it's fraught with danger and he doesn't think I'll handle it well. And, he's afraid the whole trip will turn into an Australia vs Malaysia slanging match. ie Australia is better (and it is) and that after the trip, all three of us will be miserable. And if I play up that Australia is better, that we would be happier there,we will be (miserable). So I won't (and don't) do that. It doesn't help.
I have to emphasise that our life here is good, that we get to do things here that we wouldn't get to do in Australia, despite my feelings that our life in oz would be better. A friend emphasised that fact that here, they have their father and in Oz, they wouldn't. That's a huge difference. And it's the one single difference that makes it imperative that we stay here - for a while anyway.
When I read this back, I find myself wanting ex to come back with us, not for me or us, but for them. Single parenting is difficult. I've seen it etched on the faces of single mums around where I live, I saw how hard it was for friends and some relatives. Co-parenting is not ideal, but it's better than not having the father around at all.
Thinking and writing about the future, I find again that I'm at a point where I have to really make the effort to live in the now and to do that, I've got to virtually dismiss the future - that is, not invest any thoughts in it at all.
That might seem a little drastic, but it's necessary. Living in the present affords us all mindspace - it gives you space to concentrate on the now. The future will take care of itself, it really will. Though we can influence it to a certain degree, we can't predict what will happen. So there's no point speculating on what may or may not happen. Living for now, we can focus and give our all to those things that need our full attention - our kids, the next meal, our jobs, helping other people who are worse off.
That's what I need to do, so away with you ego, let me do what I need to do!
Monday, January 5, 2009
uh-oh
It's 5am on the morning of the day where both my children will start school together. I wish I could say that I'm up early because of the excitement. I'm not. I'm up late, thoroughly entrenched in my ego and worrying about our finances.
According to Eckhart Tolle, 'Finances', good or otherwise are considered content and the ego always identifies with the content of the mind. He says if we step back from the content, and just see it for what it is, then we will be able to attain some kind of peaceful mind. That's my very simple understanding at the moment anyway.
But it's difficult to step back. Ex did the books for the pub for December and he's running at a small, but not insignificant loss. We've got some money still, probably enough cash for 2 months worth of expenses, 3 if we really tighten up. So he's looking at other options, but in this global economic downturn, options are few.
Ex's skills lie in problem solving. He's really, really good at solving technical problems. He's a programmer by trade, self taught rather than qualified. He wanted to go back to programming a while ago, but the people he approached (a partner in some software he wrote) said no and ended up buying him out instead. That money is almost gone and is what we've been living on for the better part of the last year.
He's been offered a number of opportunities but according to him, none of them worthwhile, until this pub offer came along. So he's taken that but it's not looking viable. His staff (2 girls who serve the customers) have proven to be problematic and one actually quit on New Years Eve while she was high on something. He was going to downgrade her to part time anyway because she wasn't doing her job properly. The other girl is quite good but lately she's been having 'personal' problems too. Doesn't sound good to me.
Ex was talking to me about this and ways to increase his income just yesterday and was toying with the idea of marketing himself as a technical/business consultant whose speciality is solving problems - tech, logistical, system problems, that sort of thing. It sounded good to me and I tried to be positive and supportive. He also talked about getting his web site going again, a community based forum type web site. It's been there for years now but he's never really done much with it, so he's thinking people could advertise their businesses there and come and find out all the news etc. I thought doing the two things together sounded feasible but today he seems to have changed his mind and wants to concentrate just on the web site as well as getting our amazon.com affiliate site going again - I'll tell you about that next blog entry.
Oh-no! I don't think it's feasible, but I'm too scared to say so because then he'll think I'm being negative. I think I'm being realistic. I can't see how he's going to generate enough cash by doing this. I don't think, in this low tech town, people will see the need to advertise on an unknown web site, especially when Malaysia is on the brink of a recession (or so I've heard). Stuff like this take ages to build up and we've got 2 months at the most, if he gets going today! The amazon.com thing is another thing that's not guaranteed - we once earned a lot of money from that site, then Google changed it's search algorithm and that was it (it's a long story). The waterfall turned to a trickle and has never been the same since. That's what our main income was supposed to be when we moved here, but it wasn't to be.
So the whole point of this blog entry is - what if the money runs out? Then what! The ONLY option that I can see is for me to come back and start teaching. I can teach here, but there's only so much money I can make - probably about 2K if I work full time. And that's not enough.
So now I'm thinking - JUST LET ME TAKE THE KIDS AND GO HOME!!!!!! At least I can get government subsidies to help me. At least I can work for a worthwhile salary AND pay some money into my very small Super fund. At least I'll have family around that can help me! Blah, blah blah and on it goes, around in my head, the ego perpetuatng the victim scenario, which it loves so much.
Yes, it's hard to see this situation as 'it just is', when down the track, all I can see are empty bank accounts. Time to sleep and think positive, I hope.
According to Eckhart Tolle, 'Finances', good or otherwise are considered content and the ego always identifies with the content of the mind. He says if we step back from the content, and just see it for what it is, then we will be able to attain some kind of peaceful mind. That's my very simple understanding at the moment anyway.
But it's difficult to step back. Ex did the books for the pub for December and he's running at a small, but not insignificant loss. We've got some money still, probably enough cash for 2 months worth of expenses, 3 if we really tighten up. So he's looking at other options, but in this global economic downturn, options are few.
Ex's skills lie in problem solving. He's really, really good at solving technical problems. He's a programmer by trade, self taught rather than qualified. He wanted to go back to programming a while ago, but the people he approached (a partner in some software he wrote) said no and ended up buying him out instead. That money is almost gone and is what we've been living on for the better part of the last year.
He's been offered a number of opportunities but according to him, none of them worthwhile, until this pub offer came along. So he's taken that but it's not looking viable. His staff (2 girls who serve the customers) have proven to be problematic and one actually quit on New Years Eve while she was high on something. He was going to downgrade her to part time anyway because she wasn't doing her job properly. The other girl is quite good but lately she's been having 'personal' problems too. Doesn't sound good to me.
Ex was talking to me about this and ways to increase his income just yesterday and was toying with the idea of marketing himself as a technical/business consultant whose speciality is solving problems - tech, logistical, system problems, that sort of thing. It sounded good to me and I tried to be positive and supportive. He also talked about getting his web site going again, a community based forum type web site. It's been there for years now but he's never really done much with it, so he's thinking people could advertise their businesses there and come and find out all the news etc. I thought doing the two things together sounded feasible but today he seems to have changed his mind and wants to concentrate just on the web site as well as getting our amazon.com affiliate site going again - I'll tell you about that next blog entry.
Oh-no! I don't think it's feasible, but I'm too scared to say so because then he'll think I'm being negative. I think I'm being realistic. I can't see how he's going to generate enough cash by doing this. I don't think, in this low tech town, people will see the need to advertise on an unknown web site, especially when Malaysia is on the brink of a recession (or so I've heard). Stuff like this take ages to build up and we've got 2 months at the most, if he gets going today! The amazon.com thing is another thing that's not guaranteed - we once earned a lot of money from that site, then Google changed it's search algorithm and that was it (it's a long story). The waterfall turned to a trickle and has never been the same since. That's what our main income was supposed to be when we moved here, but it wasn't to be.
So the whole point of this blog entry is - what if the money runs out? Then what! The ONLY option that I can see is for me to come back and start teaching. I can teach here, but there's only so much money I can make - probably about 2K if I work full time. And that's not enough.
So now I'm thinking - JUST LET ME TAKE THE KIDS AND GO HOME!!!!!! At least I can get government subsidies to help me. At least I can work for a worthwhile salary AND pay some money into my very small Super fund. At least I'll have family around that can help me! Blah, blah blah and on it goes, around in my head, the ego perpetuatng the victim scenario, which it loves so much.
Yes, it's hard to see this situation as 'it just is', when down the track, all I can see are empty bank accounts. Time to sleep and think positive, I hope.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
School starting
On Monday, school starts for the kids. It's stressing me, but I've just got to be as organised as I can, because I don't want it to be a stress for them. It's son's first year. Daughter is entering grade 3. Uniforms are ready, shoes are ready, enrollment is complete (yesterday's task). School is different here. Apart from the fact that it's a chinese school, there are other things that set it apart.
The homework. Even at this young age, the kids take home 2 - 3 hours of homework each night. I will have to coach them through 1 - 2 hours at night and then complete the rest in the morning before they go to school at 1pm. Sometimes it will be less, sometimes more. In a few weeks, they will have a weeks holiday for Chinese New Year and then attend School on the Saturdays following to make up for the missed days. As it is, the teachers have trouble getting through the enitre curriculum within the year, evidenced by the rush of homework in the last few weeks of school.
Behaviour and other standards. The students are hit with a ruler (not too hard) if they misbehave, miss homework or break some other rule. I'm not worried about my girl, but my boy is different. I worry that his extroverted personality will get him into trouble and be dampened. I know I shouldn't pre-judge, so we'll see what happens.
The toilets. They stink and clean is not a word I would use to describe them. I'm glad both my kids know how to wash their hands thoroughly.
The Teachers. They mean well, but could use a more modern approach when disciplining their charges. I don't think they are well trained in classroom management. Some are known for being late in attending their classes. leaving the kids to sit there on their own, talking loudly and running around. My daughter has often complained about the noise.
Morning and afternoon sessions. I'm lucky this year that both my kids are going in the afternoon session. The older kids attend in the morning, from 7.30 to 12.50. A few days a week, they are required to attend compulsory tuition at the school which means they could be at school for up to 10 hours or more. My daughter will have this tuition 2 days a week, I think. I hope she can cope. I will have to cope with this idea and think about the big picture ie, we are here together as a family and we will cope with this experience just like other families do. Can you tell I'm not happy with this? No, I'm not, at all.
Bags. Trolley bags to be precise. The kids here carry around all their exercise books, activity books, text books and pencils etc. Unlike Australia, each kid has their own set of books and they don't have lockers or anything to put them in. There's no room in the classrooms because there are so many kids.
Classes of 40. I think my son's class has 41 kids in it. Heartbreaking. So many kids, the teacher can only give them so much attention. When I taught in a primary school, 32 was considered high. 41. I will not dwell on this number, instead choosing to remind him that he will make many friends. He doesn't know any different anyway. Im glad he doesn't. He misses being in Australia as it is.
So that's my school gripe. I hope I can cope. I will cope, I will damn it. If I can't, they won't, so I will have to.
The homework. Even at this young age, the kids take home 2 - 3 hours of homework each night. I will have to coach them through 1 - 2 hours at night and then complete the rest in the morning before they go to school at 1pm. Sometimes it will be less, sometimes more. In a few weeks, they will have a weeks holiday for Chinese New Year and then attend School on the Saturdays following to make up for the missed days. As it is, the teachers have trouble getting through the enitre curriculum within the year, evidenced by the rush of homework in the last few weeks of school.
Behaviour and other standards. The students are hit with a ruler (not too hard) if they misbehave, miss homework or break some other rule. I'm not worried about my girl, but my boy is different. I worry that his extroverted personality will get him into trouble and be dampened. I know I shouldn't pre-judge, so we'll see what happens.
The toilets. They stink and clean is not a word I would use to describe them. I'm glad both my kids know how to wash their hands thoroughly.
The Teachers. They mean well, but could use a more modern approach when disciplining their charges. I don't think they are well trained in classroom management. Some are known for being late in attending their classes. leaving the kids to sit there on their own, talking loudly and running around. My daughter has often complained about the noise.
Morning and afternoon sessions. I'm lucky this year that both my kids are going in the afternoon session. The older kids attend in the morning, from 7.30 to 12.50. A few days a week, they are required to attend compulsory tuition at the school which means they could be at school for up to 10 hours or more. My daughter will have this tuition 2 days a week, I think. I hope she can cope. I will have to cope with this idea and think about the big picture ie, we are here together as a family and we will cope with this experience just like other families do. Can you tell I'm not happy with this? No, I'm not, at all.
Bags. Trolley bags to be precise. The kids here carry around all their exercise books, activity books, text books and pencils etc. Unlike Australia, each kid has their own set of books and they don't have lockers or anything to put them in. There's no room in the classrooms because there are so many kids.
Classes of 40. I think my son's class has 41 kids in it. Heartbreaking. So many kids, the teacher can only give them so much attention. When I taught in a primary school, 32 was considered high. 41. I will not dwell on this number, instead choosing to remind him that he will make many friends. He doesn't know any different anyway. Im glad he doesn't. He misses being in Australia as it is.
So that's my school gripe. I hope I can cope. I will cope, I will damn it. If I can't, they won't, so I will have to.
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