Daily Diary Sunday - the shopping trip

Left home around 9-ish to go to Johor Baru so in order to buy a decent present for my daughter who is turning 10 on Tuesday. Son was worried that we hadn't 'packed' enough, forgetting that this was a day trip instead of an overnighter. The drive was good, not many cars on the road and the car is travelling better now than it has in months. The repairs to the spark plugs, back end, wheel bearings and the new starter motor means that we have a car that's actually road worthy but ex is about RM1000 poorer.


At the almost there mark, ex asks me if I can remember the turn off? Skudai highway, Kota Tinggi or Pasir Gudang. Oh no! I don't know why he asks me because I can never remember - why can't I ever remember. Then I do remember. I consult my phone which has a note entered from the last time we made this trip. Note says take turn off to pasir gudang and follow big sign to terbrau city. Ex says it's useless because it doesn't tell us the landmarks leading up to the turn-off. As he's saying this, we pass a turnoff to Skudai and he thinks we should have turned there. His stress face and my anxiety level increases accordingly. I assume he's right and proceed to shut up. We drive on, not having much choice to do otherwise and ex changes his mind. This is looking familiar, he speculates, ah, yes, this is the right way. So you're saying I'm right then, I suggest, wanting to be right. This is correct, the other way is longer, I remember now, he says. We spot the correct turn off and onwards we go, still not sure if we are going to find this place in a timely manner. We proceed to a flyover where I'm expecting to see a huge sign pointing us to this place. The sign is gone, I get confused, ex doesn't know either and we miss the turn. We have to drive on for a couple of k's before we can make a U-turn. Cue lecture on including all landmarks in notes to tell us how to get there. Eventually we do and there's a line of six cars at every entrance to the parking lot. Cue lecture, we should leave earlier next time to ensure we get a parking spot. We go in and the parking lot is half empty and we get a decent car space.Cue thoughts: we left on time, it's OK, we don't need to leave at 8am next time to get here.


We go for lunch. Ex insists that we try something different and we end up at a try-too-hard-mexican place with teriyaki chicken on the menu. That's certainly different. The wait staff are wearing cowboy hats, trying to look Mexican. That's different too. Nearly every 'mexican' dish has chilli in it, so I'm reduced to ordering the teriyaki chicken 'pizzarina', whatever the hell that is, and we order nachos and dips and some bruschetta (isn't that Italian) - hmmm, very mexican. We order milkshakes too, which are fantastic, by the way. But the food - ho-hum. Nachos and dips is really thin warmed corn chips and with mayo and thousand island dressing (???) and the pizzarina is a toasted flat bread sandwich with teriyaki chicken inside. The kids loved it, but for me, it's the last time I visit a mexican restaurant having an identity crisis.

So on with the shopping. Ex suggests I go off and have some time to myself. My daughter looks at me pleadingly and I go anyway, off to try on some clothes if possible. My size does not make this easy but I find a shop that stocks XXL. I try on some white jeans and bright tops and it all looks terrible so I look at the kids clothes and buy a nice little T-shirt dress for my niece and talk to my sister on the phone instead. It's a nice 15 minute interlude. I then proceed to 'have time to myself' and I don't know what to do so I go to the toy store to suss out the birthday present for my daughter. Of course, who do I run into but ex and the kids. He promptly hands them to me and goes off to have some time to himself. We look at LEGO (my son's current interest) and science stuff for my daughter and she makes a wish list which I later choose from. We go to the bookstore and browse and I buy 'EAT PRAY LOVE' by Elizabeth Gilbert.

Ex meets us at the bookshop and takes daughter while I take son to buy a present for her. Son's job is to choose a present that he thinks she will like (as opposed to buying her LEGO which he likes) and he does and we take it down to the car. After that we browse through the shops a bit and I get a call from ex asking me if I've finished my grocery shopping yet because he wants to go home. Cue anxiety attack! No, I say, I'm just going now and as I'm talking, I'm walking and dragging son to the supermarket. Give me another 20 minutes I say. OK, he says and tells me to buy some cookies or something so we can have afternoon tea in the car. I should have said that I didn't know we were leaving so early, so while I go grocery shopping, can you take the kids for afternoon tea and we'll leave after that! I can never think on my feet.

I had no idea I was supposed to finish the grocery shopping as well. There was no plan! See, we need plans. I race around the supermarket trying to get only those things that I can't get in my town and end up with 4 packets of mince beef (Australian) and some other stuff, but because there seems to be a million people in there, I start to stress (I hate crowds) and sweat and can feel a headache coming on. While standing in line to pay, I call ex and ask him to come to me. He does and I want him to take over but instead, I just give him the parking ticket to pay. He goes and I pay and then I wait for him to come back. The anxiety is increasing and I keep willing him to turn up. I try to look for him amongst the crowd of Chinese people who look just like him, but it's useless and I'm committed to standing there waiting for him because he said he'd come back. I get sick of waiting and take son and shopping to bakery to buy afternoon tea and as I'm pulling out some money, I also look at my phone which now has '1 unread message' on it. It's from ex telling me he's waiting at the entrance to the car park. I pay and tell my son to hang on, mummy's got to get out of here. I'm not rushing to ex, I'm rushing to get away from the people, the crowd and the noise which seems to be getting louder. With son hanging on to my back pocket I'm almost running and finally, we are in the clear. I see ex, who is sitting calmly with my daughter on a bench, waiting. We go to the car, load the shopping, hand out the afternoon tea, leave the car park and everything is OK.

On the drive home, despite a cracking headache, I take copious notes on the directions for getting back home (for the time when I want to come by myself) and then fall into a post shopping mall stupor. An hour into the drive, I've recovered enough to suggest we buy dinner before we get home. We do just that and the rest of the night passes peacefully. Ex goes out later leaving me and the kids to ourselves and all is OK. But I do really hate shopping.

And that was Sunday.

According to You

This song, by Orianthi, is one of my favourites. Read the lyrics and you'll see why -

According to you
I'm stupid,
I'm useless,
I can't do anything right.
According to you
I'm difficult,
hard to please,
forever changing my mind.
I'm a mess in a dress,
can't show up on time,
even if it would save my life.
According to you. According to you.

But according to him
I'm beautiful,
incredible,
he can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
so baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not,
according to you.

According to you
I'm boring,
I'm moody,
you can't take me any place.
According to you
I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away.
I'm the girl with the worst attention span;
you're the boy who puts up with it.
According to you. According to you.

But according to him
I'm beautiful,
incredible,
he can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
so baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not,
according to you.

I need to feel appreciated,
like I'm not hated. oh-- no--.
Why can't you see me through his eyes?
It's too bad you're making me decide.

And so it goes on - I wish the chorus was true. Yesterday I was singing along with this song on the radio and my daughter stopped me and said "Oh, this is like Papa isn't it? Like you know how he is with you?"

Two years ago, she dumbfounded me by asking "Mummy, why does Papa hate you so much?"
I told her then that I didn't know and he didn't hate me, he just didn't like some of the things I was doing. Again, I don't know if it was the right thing to say -maybe I've scarred her for life. I do know that that I don't want her to think that this is a normal occurrence. I want her to know that that the man you marry should like you for who you are and that he's not there to point out all your little flaws.

I feel so bad that she notices the tension. What do I say to her? I don't know what to say without making ex seem like the bad guy (which i think he is but I don't want her to know that). So, in response to her question I also said something along the lines of "You know, everyone has things about other people that annoy them and so there are things that I do that annoy Papa." I didn't want to lie to her - she can see it for herself what goes on - but I didn't want to trash ex either.

How do I handle this? I don't know.

And to my sister, this is what I wanted to tell you on the phone the other day when I couldn't remember what it was that I wanted to tell you. :)

Cheers

All is not well at Camp In-laws.

It's been an interesting week. Well, interesting to me anyway. I bought a car and am going to be the proud owner of a van. It was a practical decision both for me and my sister. She wanted another car and wasn't going to get much if she traded hers in so she suggested I buy it for cheaper than what she really wanted for it. At first I said no, thinking I don't like vans (and I still don't), but for the money I have I wasn't going to get much of anything really and it's a solid car with a known history. I need a car when I get back in December and as my parents' second car died this year, they also need a back up car. So it all seemed sensible and if nothing else, I am sensible.

We had a rare visit to the in-laws this week and surprisingly, I got to hear the other side of their marital woes. I heard my brother in laws side a few weeks back when he visited and instead of taking off straight away, like he usually does, he stayed and talked. He talked, I listened. He thinks he's a bit hard done by with his wife. She doesn't cook (they get take away from a restaurant every night) or spend much time with the kids but goes off quite regularly to seminars and group talks on... parenting. He doesn't see the point, given that she is not applying her knowledge to their kids. Meanwhile, their oldest, a girl is losing interest in school and doesn't give a damn. their second, a boy, is turning out to be quite the bully - I won't let my son near him for any extended amount of time because it always ends badly. Their third child, a boy in my daughter's class, has a weight problem, hates school with a vengeance and you don't have to dig very deeply to see the esteem issues. Their parents are at a loss about what to do, so aren't doing anything.

Anyway, my sister in law ended up telling me her side (without knowing that her husband had spoken to me before) and told me what he's doing wrong, according to her. He picks her up on all sorts of little things and thinks she doesn't do much at all (she actually has a full time job managing their office) while he thinks he does everything. She's mad about this because while he is criticizing he's not even calling into the office on a regular basis (he's a civil lawyer). Instead he sleeps all day and then goes out at night, hangs out with some rather unsavoury people and really doesn't do much else. They both sound thoroughly miserable but they don't talk about it, so they both just do whatever they want to do. They've been through a rough patch before and came through so perhaps they will work out this in due time.

Of course, hearing this got me thinking about what's happening. Each of them is blaming the other person and not really willing to look at themselves. Each of them wants to be the 'right one' and wants the other on to change. It's sad because if they don't take responsibility for their own actions, they'll never sort it out. I can see both of them thinking "If only he/she did that/this...". And they'll be miserable for the rest of their lives. That's something I'm not prepared to do. Be miserable, thinking that if only I could be another way, the other person would love me more and everything'd be all right. When I hear people's stories, I am glad for the decisions I've made. I know it will hurt the kids when we eventually go our separate ways, but it's better that they have a mummy who's strong and happy and can be some sort of role model for them. I couldn't stand to be miserable for the rest of my life. I'm too young for that.

It's strange, or maybe not, that the three brothers in ex's family have a talent for telling other people what to do and getting narky when it doesn't get done. Their favourite word is 'should'. They take after their mum I guess, she's a good one for that, but her empathy and compassion towards me more than makes up for it.

It's funny, how we see other families and think they've got all the answers, that they've sorted it all out and are happy and stable. And then you hear their story and realise they've got it even worse than you do. At the moment, I'm glad to be me. I have choices and the rest of my life ahead of me to do with as I want, but my sister in law doesn't have those choices. She's stuck where she is, for a very long time - unless one of them leaves.

No, I wouldnt' be anyone else but me right now. Of course, that may change tomorrow. We are going on a family trip to Johor Baru to buy birthday presents for the kids - and we all know how family things can turn out. Cross your fingers. Johor Baru is very near to Singapore and is where we go to do visas and shit. It's going to be an interesting day.

Cheers

It's a small photo blog

So I thought I'd share with you some visual aspects of my life here, because some things are just hard to imagine. Or maybe not. Maybe I just want to. Or maybe I just found them on the school's blog and thought I'd like to have those photos... so I took them and put them here.


I got this photo from the school's blog. This is my daughter's class of 35 after they'd won the 'cleanest classroom' award - that's what the red flag is for. The largish boy on the right is her cousin. My daughter is in the last row, second from the right. The teacher (aka, the bitch that beats) is at the top, extreme left. It looks nice here in the garden, which is centred between two double-storey buildings. It's the nicest part of the school. My daughter is on the second storey and each day must haul a backpack and full trolley bag up to her classroom. So do all the other kids of course. It's really horrific seeing how all these little kids have to carry these big heavy packs. The Malaysian Education Department trialled a locker system some time ago and it didn't work (they didn't say why) so that's that idea out the window. I can't see why they don't just keep a class set of text books in the rooms and the kids just carry the activity books.

Anyway, it seems I was photographed while having my parent teacher interview (I didn't know) with my girl's teacher. Here's that photo, also taken from the kid's school blog. It looks like I'm having a good time. I'm not. I'm sitting there being polite and wanting to grab that woman and scream at her for beating the kids because they get low exam results - like they are the problem and not her. The guy in the white shirt and tie is Mr Lee and he's translating for me. He's a genuinely nice teacher who does not beat the kids and can actually speak pretty good English - which is a good thing, seeing as he's the English teacher. He's nice to the kids and has offered to be the 'go-to' person, should we have any concerns about what's happening in the classroom.

This photo (not taken from the school's blog) shows the park where I go for a walk three times a week with my Australian friend. It looks nice doesn't it? It is, in parts, but the water is actually an iridescent green and the bridge you can see in the distance is off limits because the wood is rotting and it's broken in quite a few places. Sometimes when we walk my friend's dog tags along and the Muslims have to run a wide circle around us. Muslims aren't allowed to touch dogs and the men will openly voice their disgust as they pass us by.

Another photo from my collection. October is coming up and it will be the anniversary of my father-in-laws death. My mother-in-law will call us to pray in front of the altar at my brother-in-law's house and then we will have lunch together. This photo shows my son and daughter praying with their cousin who has now grown up to be a big bully. Nice!

You know how I'm always bitching about the drivers here. Well, here they are, parking in front of the school. That small blue hatch is parked in front of the actual parking lot. If he wasn't there, 3 more cars could fit in. Piss me off why don't you! Shame, Malaysia, shame!


That is one teeny-tiny police car. I can't imagine it chasing any criminals down, can you? The writing under the number plate says "Batu Anam". Batu Anam is a tiny town a little way out from where we live and when I took this (I was stuck in traffic) I was wondering if the size of the police cars match the significance of the town!

Well, that's it for now. I'll take some more soon and try and give you more of what life is like here.

Cheers

Are you out of your mind? I am, quite obviously.

Sometimes I just hate. Today is one of those days. Hate the kids fighting. Hate the way my son's mind is so one tracked. Hate the way ex sighs and looks at me like I'm some kind of burden in his life that he has to tolerate because the kids share our genes. Hate the way I want to eat every sugar-laden thing in the house rather than do the housework - which is no longer up to date. Hate comes from the ego and my ego is full of it today. Hate that!

It was going to be a good day. I woke up early, to a pleasantly cool morning, everything quiet and still, except for the neighbour's rooster crowing . I wanted a peaceful breakfast and did so, in front of my computer, reading the news. Toast and a good cup of tea. I hadn't slept well, given that my son had a bad sniffles attack last night and was also feeling "empty and sad", so I'd let him sleep in my bed. For some reason though, I didn't feel tired, not like the mornings during the week where I have to drag myself out of bed at 6am.

20 minutes passed and then ex got up and I felt my spirit drop. I hid it well and said good morning and he commented that I was up early. The kids stirred 10 minutes later and within half an hour everyone was up. Ex remembered that he'd promised to take the kids to McDonalds for breakfast on the weekend so we could go as a family. We proceeded to get ready. I showered quickly and ex turned on the tv. I'd finished getting ready and ex was still watching tv, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the kids and I were waiting for him. I wanted to prompt him, I did, but I kept my mouth shut. There was a car show on and his glazed eyes told me if I were to say something, it would be received as if I were shouting at him to wake up (what...whe...?? coupled with a startled jump) - so I've quit talking to him while he's looking at the box (and he calls me unaware). A few minutes and stares at him later, he said "give me one minute" and then we were off. Keys, purse, everyone got their phone, OK. "I'll take mum's car" he said as we crowded out of our narrow front door. "oh, we're taking two cars?" I replied. "yes, TWO cars" he said, emphasising the obvious for his dim-witted 'wife', who was left wondering at what point he'd her that he was also going to the office.

Cue the stress, like some sort of alien landing inside my brain. Goodbye productive, peaceful day, hello bullshit-ego-bastard-fuck-I-hate-this kind of day. Should have stayed behind. I should have gone with my instinct and not gone. But no, like some kind of idiot lemming, I went, knowing the possibilities. I did think though, I've done this before, I can do this (it's not hard to go to McDonalds and eat) but if forgot one important factor. I haven't done it with him before. Previously, it's just been me and the kids. Still, I told myself, I can do this.

We got there. He was talking to the girl at the counter before I had organised myself. I thought he'd ordered and finished talking. MISTAKE. Note to self: Always look to see if he is finished talking so you don't interrupt! I sorted the kids meals, ordered and ex walked off to find a table. The food came and I queried it: "didn't 'uncle' (ex) order something to eat?" "no" she said softly "he just wanted coffee." It didn't sound like ex, who is quite partial to food but I thought perhaps he was following my example (I wasn't eating). So food in hand, I proceeded to the table and queried the missing food. "Yes, I wanted (whatever food) but you came in and took over and shut me off". Me "Oh God, sorry, I'll go get some for you." At this point, I started beating myself up - something I have yet to learn how to control. "See, it is my fault, I never learn, I should have looked, should have realised, I'm so clueless."

I got his food, sat down and proceeded to make my tea, all the while wishing for the kids not to spill anything (I really didn't need the you-have-to-teach-them-how-to-eat-properly lecture.) Ex asked if I wanted half the newspaper to read and I was on the verge of saying no thanks, when my mind screamed at me, take the fucking paper (remember, anything he gives to you IS A GIFT, dammit)! I took it, said thanks and read with genuine interest, an article on orthotics for flat feet (a conditions which my son has, thanks to his asian genes). The rest of the breakfast went OK and I calmed down. Before we left I asked ex if he'd be coming home for lunch and he mouthed "no" and looked at me like I was out of my mind. I don't know why I asked. I prefer it when he's not around for lunch, though I was planning to make fritatta and thought he might want some. I didn't tell him that though and let the matter slide. I was out of my mind after all, why would he want to come home.

I drove straight home with the kids, wanting to vomit it all out, straight into the blog. The kids were playing nicely and I distracted myself with other people's blogs, read Time online and watched Adam Lambert sing Starlight by Muse for the umpteenth time. Also found this site, Selera Malaysia, and thought of AOF, who comments here sometimes and loves Malaysian food.

Now I'm calmer. I can hear a storm rumbling in the distance and the wind chime tinkling in the backyard. I hope it rains. I hope it rains so much that the water rises and washes all our stuff away and I get to say "well there's nothing for us here anymore, we'd better move home."

The thoughts, no doubt, of someone who is obviously 'out-of-her-mind".

A life to be envied?? -edited

I feel like I should be doing something, but really, it's all done - most of it anyway, the rest can wait - my house is not a sparkling example worthy of a cleanaholic. It just that the washing machine and the ironing basket are empty - empty people, EMPTY (first time in years) - while the water jug, the pantry and the wardrobe are full of water, food and clean, ironed clothes - respectively mind, not together. I find that after dropping ex at work and daughter at school, I can come back and sleep til oh, 10-ish, then get up, potter around with a bit of housework, get son ready for school and think about the rest of the day, which is not really that taxing because I only have one student a day. Then I make dinner, get son from school, serve dinner and the nights are spent watching more tv - how many cop shows are there! Tuesdays are good because I get to go out at night after I've taught my English class and don't come home til after midnight - ex never calls me back now and I get home at whatever time I want to. I never give him a time that I'm going to be back now either, I just say I'm going to be out til late. What's not to love about my life, except that it's happening in the wrong country. Now, if I could just bring this life with me - sans ex and house, including all friends, restaurants and kids. It's already getting sad and scary to leave.

*
I finally took the plunge and went to the dentist - I've been avoiding it for about 5 years now, ever since we got here. After harping on about their teeth to my kids, I decided that I should behave like an adult, suck it up and get my arse to the dentist's chair. It didn't hurt and now I have sparkly healthy teeth. So glad I went just for the fact that I can now tell the kids that they should go. And it's so much cheaper here. I spent over an hour in the chair, had a major tooth refilled and had them cleaned in at least 3 different ways and the whole episode cost me about RM 130 - that about AUD50. And he's a good dentist. Not all of them are, admittedly and some of them are illegal. The guy ex used to see, who also messed up my son's teeth, is hopeless - not illegal, just a bad dentist. It really is necessary to ask around.

*

Son has been obsessed and moody lately. His current obsession is LEGO and Spongebob Squarepants (a cartoon on TV that he also has a lego set for). He talks about it constantly. He walks out of school and instead of saying hello mummy. immediately launches into what other spongbob lego sets he would like to have for his birthday or christmas. He knows the numbers of the different sets and how many pieces there are in each box. He makes up stories about them, watches little lego videos on youtube and takes apart and reassembles his own set again and again. And again. and again. And just when you think he must be sick of it, he does it again. Enough to drive me crazy. On the plus side, I do love his enthusiasm - the way he totally immerses himself in something.

Anyhoo, time for bed. So, so tired I can't think of a decent way to end this post.

Cheers

Things that annoy me and other stuff.

For want of something better to write, I've decided to post about the things that annoy me, because this is my blog and it's where I get rid of the shit that goes around in my head.

- people on facebook. I don't actually like facebook. I keep an account to see what members of my family and some friends are doing with their time. For instance, I recently learned that a member of my extended family is now out of prison and back home. I am a mere spectator, as I don't play games and I don't update my status - well, very rarely anyway. I can't imagine my family being remotely interested in the trivialities of my life and the friends I've got on there don't message me or contact me in any way so really, what's the point (there are a few exceptions)? It just makes me think there's something wrong with me and I'm a hair's breadth away from deleting my profile altogether.

- I've annoyed someone in my family, I wish they'd talk to me about it. I didn't intentionally annoy them, but my mum tells me I have. I want them to ask me about the issue, ask for clarification rather than just assume I meant the worst and react badly. Geez, write me an email if you have a problem with me.

- ex, although we've gotten on well this week, is annoying me. I took my daughter for a swim tonight and left my son in the care of his dad. When I came home, ex was fast asleep in bed, door shut and my boy was playing quietly alone in his room. Ex didn't even tell our son that he was going to bed. When I left for swimming, he was dozing on the couch. I don't like it, I don't think it's good parenting or making the most of his time with his children. The kids are left to their own devices and while it seems safe enough, something about it just doesn't feel right. I'm probably being over sensitive.

- my stomach hurts. That will teach me to have coffee at 11pm. It was good though and probably is the reason I am still awake at 1am and able to have a whinge here.

- someone is not paying the bills on time - it's not me, cos I don't pay the bills here.. Yesterday telecom called and told me that the latest bill hasn't been paid and today we went swimming and I saw ex's name on the 'suspended members' list. After reading the list, we'd turned around to go home when the life guard invited us in and and let us swim anyway. We had a lovely swim after we got over knowing that we were actually not meant to be there.

- the drivers here are shitting me to no end. They are so inconsiderate. The way they park, their impatience on the road. I have to concentrate so hard when I drive, just to make sure that I am not going to hit or be hit by some idiot who thinks that the road is their own personal raceway. Drivers of Malaysia, do not park on the corner of the road - that's not a parking space for your use, it's a junction, used by drivers who are moving and actually need the room to make a safe fucking turn. The other day I got stuck in a traffic jam after a huge lorry tried to navigate the narrow road that goes past the school. Of course he got stuck, after all there are cars parked on either and all sides, waiting to pick up their children. The addition of the lorry into this mess made it impossible for anyone to get out. So one by one, we had to back out of the street we'd turned into (me and four or five other drivers behind me), just to be able to get home.

- I'm an idiot. I was carrying my drivers licence in my small purse which I take everywhere, after not carrying it for months and months and I've fucking lost the damn thing. I've obviously dropped it somewhere. My wonderful mother has informed vicroads and assures me that they will send out a replacement. Ex gave me a lecture about organizing my purse to which I replied with a terse, YES, you're right. He is, but I hate the lectures. They're not lectures really, just a little bit of 'practical advice', but I can't stand it because it makes me feel like a complete idiot and he tells me over and over again. Just because you know something, doesn't mean you'll never make a mistake about it.

*

Rants over, so now for Other stuff

AOF - you asked about Malaysian food in Melbourne. There used to be a restaurant in Mt Waverly called PJ's. It was in a shopping area, which also had the Novotel hotel nearby. (I think). It was a small intimate restaurant. They served wonderful Malaysian food - their butter calamari (butter sotong) was to die for, but I don't remember nasi lemak or cendol being on the menu.

I've met another blogger just like me. She is a Brit, living in America. The short simplified story is that her husband up and left her and their two boys after they'd moved to the States and now of course, she just wants to go home with her children and he is making it difficult. Bastard! I read her blog and it was like looking into a mirror. What she thought about herself, how she tried to repair their marriage, the emotional roller coaster she has been on, what her ex thinks of her - it's freakingly similar though she's a much better writer than I. http://somemothersdoaveem.blogspot.com/
After I left a comment on her blog, she emailed me and asked to read my blog and I happily said yes. Welcome to my little blog, Nicola, it's nice to have you aboard and I look forward to your comments, if you care to make any.

Cheers people.